The Conversation you must have with your sons

Indigogirl

Indigogirl

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Remember that intimate conversation you had with your son? The one where you said, "I love you and I need you to know that no matter how a woman dresses or acts, it is not an invitation to cat call, taunt, harass or assault her"?

Or when you told your son, "A woman's virginity isn't a prize and sleeping with a woman doesn't earn you a point"?

How about the heart-to-heart where you lovingly conferred the legal knowledge that "a woman doesn't have to be fighting you and you don't have to be pinning her down for it to be RAPE. Intoxication means she can't legally consent, NOT that she's an easy score."

Or maybe you recall sharing my personal favorite, "Your sexual experiences don't dictate your worth just like a woman's sexual experiences don't dictate hers."

Last but not least, do you remember calling your son out when you discovered he was using the word "slut" liberally? Or when you overheard him talking about some girl from school as if she were more of a conquest than a person?

I want you to consider these conversations and then ask yourself why you don't remember them. The likely reason is because you didn't have them. In fact, most parents haven't had them.

Read on...
 
Excellent post!!! And as a mother of two teenage boys, I have mentioned some of those points to them, but yes, more parents need to be having that conversation with their sons.

/what a fool I was here. Please use the fool reference for any other posts of mine in this thread. I now understand that men face just as many issues as women and receive hardly any support. I hope there is a way to change that. Got my ass handed to me in this thread and unlike some others I took the lesson seriously
 
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Never had that conversation, But I guess I must've learnt respect in some other way.

"Respect for ourselves guides our morals, respect for others guides our manners" Laurence Sterne
 
My father never had this conversation with me. His action spoke louder than any words could ever have. His respect for women can be seen in the way he treats them, so he never needed to tell me respect them. So in my experience this talk is not necessary if you convey your respect for women through your actions.
 
Never got those...and tbh I reckon if those have to be specifically highlighted then you've got a problem. Might be good to emphasize it in borderline cases though.
 
DarkImpact said:
My father never had this conversation with me. His action spoke louder than any words could ever have. His respect for women can be seen in the way he treats them, so he never needed to tell me respect them. So in my experience this talk is not necessary if you convey your respect for women through your actions.
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+1
 
googoodoll said:
Some girls need to hear those things as well....
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This is sadly true. But, that's pretty much implied in the article. We're raising both genders with skewed attitudes.
Women are far harsher when it comes to slut shaming than men.
 
What liberal feminist hogwash is this. I never was told this and yet I don't do these things I shouldn't do.
 
DarkImpact said:
My father never had this conversation with me. His action spoke louder than any words could ever have. His respect for women can be seen in the way he treats them, so he never needed to tell me respect them. So in my experience this talk is not necessary if you convey your respect for women through your actions.
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Ditto... if the need to have this converstation arises, something is very wrong.
 
Geez, I wonder where all these men come from who treat women like objects? In many cases women are raped by men they know, men they trust. Nobody is saying that all men rape. The article states that we teach our daughters 'don't dress that way' to avoid being raped, but we don't teach our sons 'don't treat women as objects'. Why is it still the women's responsibilty to avoid being raped? These days rape is so common and if all parents say, well boys don't need to be taught not to treat women as sexual objects, I wonder where all these damned rapists are coming from!
 
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D3nz said:
Geez, I wonder where all these men come from who treat women like objects? In many cases women are raped by men they know, men they trust. Nobody is saying that all men rape. The article states that we teach our daughters 'don't dress that way' to avoid being raped, but we don't teach our sons 'don't treat women as objects'. Why is it still the women's responsibilty to avoid being raped? These days rape is so common and if all parents say, well boys don't need to be taught not to treat women as sexual objects, I wonder where all these damned rapists are coming from!
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Perhaps those sons come from mothers who allow themselves to be treated as objects ;)

And we all know there are tons of those.
 
I never explained these things to my son.
He just knows them because of his upbringing I guess.
We have always taught him to be respectful towards women, well everybody really.
 
just tell your kids to treat everybody with respect, only engage in consensual relations, and lead by example.
what does gender have to do with it?
 
DarkImpact said:
My father never had this conversation with me. His action spoke louder than any words could ever have. His respect for women can be seen in the way he treats them, so he never needed to tell me respect them. So in my experience this talk is not necessary if you convey your respect for women through your actions.
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+1, my thoughts and experience exactly.
 
ShaunSA said:
Perhaps those sons come from mothers who allow themselves to be treated as objects ;)

And we all know there are tons of those.
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And who treats them like objects? MEN! Don't you think if those mens parents sat them down and taught them that women are to be respected, they would not treat women like that? When you hear a bunch of teenage boys discussing how hot some woman is, it's 'boys will be boys' right? I wonder how many dads would tell them that women are not sex objects.
 
D3nz said:
Geez, I wonder where all these men come from who treat women like objects? In many cases women are raped by men they know, men they trust. Nobody is saying that all men rape. The article states that we teach our daughters 'don't dress that way' to avoid being raped, but we don't teach our sons 'don't treat women as objects'. Why is it still the women's responsibilty to avoid being raped? These days rape is so common and if all parents say, well boys don't need to be taught not to treat women as sexual objects, I wonder where all these damned rapists are coming from!
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we teach our children "don't go to Hillbrow after 6", which is basically the same thing. we protect our children, we don't expect our children to go out and harm people.

parents views of people rub off on them. if a dad is flirting with women and spanking their asses when they walk past, the son may do the same
 
My sisters and I were raised in exactly the same way by exactly the same parents. One turned out a religious fanatic wearing dresses that cover her ankles, one turned out a whore and one in between. Self respect isn't something anyone can teach you - you learn it for yourself.

But... girls can't wear whatever they want and be pissed off when men whistle at them in the street. It comes from both sides.
 
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