Toilet spray question

When I spray the toilet, I usually have to clean under the seat because my high pressure diarrhea squirts everywhere. I only do this at my own place of course, other people can clean their own toilet. Note to self also not to have anal when a guy or girl has the runs. It is not good lube.
 
What happens if the long drop has no after action hand washing facilities and opening the door to let fresh air in is the only air freshener available, what then?

Take a leisurely dump, ass conveniently positioned to hang over a scintillating pit of poo, all whilst trying not to faint from the smell of the 400 previous dumps percolating below you. Then carefully tear off some newspaper into a more manageable size and try not to push a finger through whilst sand papering your ass moderately clean.

But no I'm worried about deciphering the tricky challenge of whether to wash my hands before or after spraying air freshener, 1st world problems really are becoming untenable.
 
Don't forget that the long drop is housed in a corrugated iron sauna, it's in the blazing midday sun, temps inside hovering around 40 degrees and whilst the excruciating smells assault your nostrils you can't help but wonder what the source of the unusual humidity is.

The flys that live in the cauldron of shtt below are now whizzing around you in swarms, there's a few landing on your face and crawling around your mouth. Whilst you tackle the tricky task of making newspaper do what it was never designed to do the flys will take carte blanch depositing their bacteria laden feet where ever they please. What a pleasure.
 
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So, does anyone have a local distributer for the squatty potty?
 
airborne said:
What happens if the long drop has no after action hand washing facilities and opening the door to let fresh air in is the only air freshener available, what then?

Take a leisurely dump, ass conveniently positioned to hang over a scintillating pit of poo, all whilst trying not to faint from the smell of the 400 previous dumps percolating below you. Then carefully tear off some newspaper into a more manageable size and try not to push a finger through whilst sand papering your ass moderately clean.

But no I'm worried about deciphering the tricky challenge of whether to wash my hands before or after spraying air freshener, 1st world problems really are becoming untenable.
Click to expand...

airborne said:
Don't forget that the long drop is housed in a corrugated iron sauna, it's in the blazing midday sun, temps inside hovering around 40 degrees and whilst the excruciating smells assault your nostrils you can't help but wonder what the source of the unusual humidity is.

The flys that live in the cauldron of shtt below are now whizzing around you in swarms, there's a few landing on your face and crawling around your mouth. Whilst you tackle the tricky task of making newspaper do what it was never designed to do the flys will take carte blanch depositing their bacteria laden feet where ever they please. What a pleasure.
Click to expand...

dafuq :wtf:
 
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