Why cant we just be friends?

[etherion]

I just watched a youtube vid about whether men and woman can just be friends.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=T_lh5fR4DMA

personally i think most of the time, men cant be friends with a woman, if he is, there is a hidden agenda
I think it also depends if the girl is not or not.

what do you guys think....

 

[supersunbird]

Most of the time, but sometimes they can be. There is a collumn on news24 that talks about the friend zone which is somewhat related. On my cell so cant post link.

 

[etherion]

Most of the time, but sometimes they can be. There is a collumn on news24 that talks about the friend zone which is somewhat related. On my cell so cant post link.

The friend zone comment reminds of a convo
girl: "Why cant i find any good guys"
guy: "You put all the good guys in your friend zone"
LoLz

 

[Nokkie]

and what if your gf has a gay friend,

Would you allow it?

 

[Avenue]

only with the ugly ones

 

[etherion]

yeah, gay guys are perma friends zoned, so it would be cool would me, Only if he is really gay, not these chops that are gay as a fashion statement

 

[Gory51]

I think its all BS. I've got plenty female friends, just as many as male friends. I have a gf for 8 years . No hassles . Its about having respect for those people you call friends and not seeing them as objects you wish to bed.

My gf has lots of friends of each gender as well.

 

[Fader4]

i have never had a female friend i did not want to have sex with (ugly girls excluded), my best friend is female and i would probably have sex with her if circumstances allowed at some point.

 

[Viva]

I think its all BS. I've got plenty female friends, just as many as male friends. I have a gf for 8 years . No hassles . Its about having respect for those people you call friends and not seeing them as objects you wish to bed.

My gf has lots of friends of each gender as well.

+1, totally agree.

 

[etherion]

I think its all BS. I've got plenty female friends, just as many as male friends. I have a gf for 8 years . No hassles . Its about having respect for those people you call friends and not seeing them as objects you wish to bed.

My gf has lots of friends of each gender as well.

Ummm, You have a girlfriend already...
What If you did not have a girlfriend and one of you "girlfriends gave you an opportunity?

 

[TJ99]

I think its all BS. I've got plenty female friends, just as many as male friends. I have a gf for 8 years . No hassles . Its about having respect for those people you call friends and not seeing them as objects you wish to bed.

My gf has lots of friends of each gender as well.

Well if you want to "bed" objects, that's probably the first problem you should address....

 

[zll]

I think its all BS. I've got plenty female friends, just as many as male friends. I have a gf for 8 years . No hassles . Its about having respect for those people you call friends and not seeing them as objects you wish to bed.

My gf has lots of friends of each gender as well.

Firstly, how old are you? I'm asking because relationships between the genders change quite a bit depending on your age group.

Secondly, are you attracted to any of your female friends? I'm not saying you are OBJECTIFYING your female friends. I am asking that if your GF wasn't in the picture, would you find any of them reasonably sexy/interesting enough that you would consider them an option as a girlfriend? I'm assuming yes, unless all your female friends are ugly.

Thirdly, do you think any of your female friends have a crush on you?

My 2c in regards to the topic is both "yes" and "no".

If both man and woman have enough in common, but don't have any kind of sexual attraction (from one or both parties), yes they can be friends. In both men and women, this usually involves them keeping their sexual attraction in check if they have been told the other party doesn't feel the same way, or if the other party is attached.

If both man and woman have enough in common, AND have sexual attraction BUT are both in monogomous relationships, yes they can be friends. Apply alcohol to a man and woman who are in this situation usual ends in sexual behaviour between the two parties involved.

If the man is homosexual, yes they can be friends.

If a man and woman are both single, and both have sexual attraction towards each other, no they can't be friends.

As someone who is currently single, my current objective is to find a gf/fwb, therefore the following applies:

Any new female (i.e. isn't a friend) is a potential girlfriend. Do I have her physically attractive? Yes/No. Do I find her interesting? Yes/No.

If girl attractive but uninteresting, she is a potential fwb.
If girl attractive and interesting, then she is a potential gf.
If girl is unattractive but interesting, then she is a potential friend.
If girl is unattractive and uninteresting, then she won't be more than a possible acquaintance.

You can swap out girl with boy for girls. I know most girls want the security of a bf, but you do get the odd one who just wants to shag without the relationship side.

 

[guest2013-1]

There's a certain amount of attraction people have towards each other that makes you friends or not. This includes compatibility/mutual interests etc.

Biologically we're always inclined to try and fornicate when these friendships are between a straight male and female. People who say they'd have sex with their pretty female friends and not the ugly ones are lying. People who say they can "just stay friends" with their opposite sex friend are lying. The best long term relationships comes from a solid friendship-foundation.

People in long term committed relationships finds it easier to be friends with the opposite sex, especially if said relationship has evolved beyond the "OMG I NEED TO **** EVERYONE I SEE" stages. Some say it's called love. However, this is just an ability to restrain yourself from thinking about the friend as a sexual partner since you're more likely fulfilled in your current relationship and do not need to seek out something to, er, fulfill you.

As much as men have thought of having sex with their female friend, the female tend to also have thought of it before. The likelihood of them having sex with you goes down as time passes, but opportunity does knock once in a while and this is why most men stay friends with women. Women tend to decide if they'll have sex with you within the first few minutes of meeting you for the first time. Some women (and men) even tend to keep the opposite sex around as friends they think they might sleep with IF the opportunity does arise, but will never (well, mostly) not act on it while in a relationship with another person.

You'll find that most immature women (and men) tend to cut themselves off of the opposite sex friendships once in a relationship. And the main reason why is because of what I said previously about them keeping the "I might **** him/her" friendships around.

Can you, as a straight man, have female friends? Sure. Do you want to **** them (ugly or not...don't lie)... yes. Do women keep straight male friends around for the possibility of having sex with them (which is almost never the primary reason), yes. Do they tend to exploit said friendship for their own benefit? Definitely.

It's a huge dynamic and evolving psychological blob. There is no real "yes or no" answer because it gets skewed by so many factors.

 

[zll]

Do they tend to exploit said friendship for their own benefit? Definitely.

QFT.

Also, most of Acid's post is pretty much on the button. It's a really complicated issue.

Do you want to **** them (ugly or not...don't lie)...

Seriously? I've probably turned down more girls than I've gotten. I think my standards are too high :/

 

[Bobbin]

Me personally? Don't know if I can. Hell I even had a crush on a lesbian once true story.

But kept it to myself and still treated her like a friend, doubt she even knew.

 

[Kloofvreter]

There is some truth in this.I, for one, would not hang out with a fat chick that was my friend.

 

[Gory51]

Some very interesting and well thought our responses.

I am 38 now, and my current relationship is 8 years in. That might explain a few things, lol

I will admit there is a certain attraction to one or two female friends I had, but I do respect them and leave it at that. I have been in a situation when I was single before, with my hot friend who got drunk on more than one occasion, and was a little out of control. There was never going to be a relationship between us but sometimes she got too drunk and tried to well, make out with me etc. I was not going to take advantage of a friend in a state like that so had to stop her nicely, and instead found myself later babysitting a delicate friend a little later.

And you don't even want to know what that involved sometimes, lol .

 

[BobsLawnService]

The things that I find attractive in a female friend are the same things I find attractive in a potential mate. Add physical attraction to the mix and I'm not going to be satisfied with just being friends for too long.

 

[guest2013-1]

QFT.

Also, most of Acid's post is pretty much on the button. It's a really complicated issue.



Seriously? I've probably turned down more girls than I've gotten. I think my standards are too high :/

I've turned down more than I'm proud to admit too... the factor that really puts me off any casual sex relationship is "I'm pregnant, now you have to take care of me the rest of your life". I had that happen once and the chick CRY on me for not being pregnant even though she didn't "want" to be. No thanks. Psycho chicks...

 

[guest2013-1]

Some very interesting and well thought our responses.

I am 38 now, and my current relationship is 8 years in. That might explain a few things, lol

I will admit there is a certain attraction to one or two female friends I had, but I do respect them and leave it at that. I have been in a situation when I was single before, with my hot friend who got drunk on more than one occasion, and was a little out of control. There was never going to be a relationship between us but sometimes she got too drunk and tried to well, make out with me etc. I was not going to take advantage of a friend in a state like that so had to stop her nicely, and instead found myself later babysitting a delicate friend a little later.

And you don't even want to know what that involved sometimes, lol .

Exactly my point earlier. People in relationships (sometimes, only ****ing sometimes!) have too much respect and willpower to stop them from going where their primary brain wants them to go.

I'd call you stupid/silly for not banging your drunk friend though...