Why do they do this?

Dolby said:
I'll cut a very long story short.

The girlfriend and I broke up a few months back after 3 years together. There wasn't much contact aside from the odd 'get away from me', 'you're a dick' and 'I don't love you' SMS/email (the normal breakup things).

About 3 weeks ago I get an SMS asking (nicely) askiing to lend her a little money, which I did. About a week later the same thing - and again I obliged (I still have a soft spot for her). A few days later she invites me to coffee which I go to. We flirt a little and all seems dandy between us.

Another week goes by and she asks if she can come to my place for coffee and ends up staying the night. A few nice SMS's are exchanged and a few days ago she again invites herself over - before going out to socialise. She even tell me she misses me and an SMS saying she's thought of me.

When she's around me she obviously gets calls and SMS's from guys (doesn't really hide it) and laughs and chuckles at them etc etc My initial feeling was that there was another guy(s) around, as she's done this beforehand and plays with both guys. I keep telling that's my exact feeling and she keeps denying it. I was reluctant to invite her anywhere as I know she's got socials, guys etc and I'd get rejected. However I did last week and sure enough, was told she needed to go somewhere. She did propose the following day though.

The next day I heard how she telling my old friend (no longer friends though) mine and hers secrets. Last night I hear how she was having dinner with another guy. Obviousy my suspicions were correct about playing two or more guys.

From a female side, why would you do this? If you have other new, exciting guys - why involve me? Why deny the other guys it when confronted? She can obviously do whatever she wants as she's single - but I'm the type person who'd rather just leave it totally with her, rather than be one of the guys. Yes, I still have a soft spot for her and it hurts.

It just seems she doesn't want me to forget about her - but have the single life too :/ I don't even know if she feels anything for me right now - but why play with me head? :/

Bleh.
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From my perspective.... money

She phoned "old reliable" for some cash. Felt she had to spend some time with you to make up for it but keeps seeing other guys because she's never been really that interested.

They do that.

Lesson: Don't give them money. Especially an ex.

This is why I don't get why guys buy their girls cars and then wonder why they broke up with them....

Girls like cars and money...
 
blunomore said:
She asks money, you give.
She wants to see you, you oblige.
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Couldn't have put it better blu. Basically, Dolby has no power in this relationship. She's calling the shots. Not him. And that is what lead to the "I have something to do" bit when he asked her out.

I must say it's really tough when you're in love to still be the alpha male and not treat your woman like a princess and spoil her to bits (which most often leads to these types of situations). But Dolby needs to take a step back and take back control.

Just don't contact her at all. If she asks for money, reply, "Hey, yea, I lost my job so I was actually mulling it over thinking about asking you to help me out for a bit, but I wasn't sure if you would do the same for me as I did for you due to our past and me being male and everything... could you lend me R1500 till next month?"

I bet you she won't ever phone or SMS him ever again
 
Lush said:
My opinion? Walk away from this and wait for a girl who will give you her time because she cares about you and wants to make you happy
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Yep, waiting will always get the perfect girl to magically fall into your lap. *efg*


Chicks are car guards. Kick her in the panty.
 
Tell her to cough up the dough she owes you and then tell her to hit the road.
 
I would keep her around if she is a good lay i reckon.

Seems like a good deal, sex without strings, obviously if you are that deep connection type person you should tell to go away :D
 
If you are happy to have a relationship where both of you screw other people then go for it. If you are going to get attached then cut off contact completely.
 
this is why whenever you break up with someone you should say the meanest most messed up things to her... to make sure she doesn't come back or worse, take you back when you tell her you made a mistake and you still love her when you're drunk the weekend after the break up. works 100% :D
 
xrapidx said:
Quickest fix - get laid.... not even laid - just hookup - she'll be a distant memory in no time.

And listen to some Staind, Linkin Park - etc... always helps.
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Offspring would be better.

No offense Dolby, but your situation reminds me of the Offspring - Self Esteem song.

I wrote her off for the tenth time today
And practiced all the things I would say
But she came over
I lost my nerve
I took her back and made her dessert
Now I know I'm being used
That's okay man cause I like the abuse
I know she's playing with me
That's okay cause I've got no self esteem
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Ah. Yea it does sound like me ... ffs :P
 
Send her the link to this thread.

You will either see a lot more of her or you won't ever see her again.

Both are OK !
 
I feel 4u Dolby, I'm in a pathetic situation myself. Not in a position to give advice, but I'd say shez enjoying the attention from all sides and will only realise (hopefully) that she's using you once your generosity is taken away.
Let us know how things unfold for you if you make any major decisions.

Goodluck
 
Hy't seker al lank al van haar vergeet, aug is al lank al verby.
 
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