Here is a few more I found now:
1. My iPhone fell out of my pocket and cracked my iPad.
- mrjhandel
2. My dentist's ceiling TV is set to the wrong aspect ratio.
- coolhandlucas
3. I had to sneeze during a complicated lane change at rush hour, and I was nervous that there would be an accident. Thankfully, my chauffeur is excellent and we’re safe, even though he was startled. But he forgot to say “bless you”.
- selfabortion
4. I can't use my toilet right now, because it's cleaning itself.
- ravinhshah
5. I forgot to bring my phone with me when I went to poop and I was bored the entire time.
- allapologies0222
6. I had so much leg room on this flight I couldn't reach the pocket on the chair in front of me.
- thenorwegianblue
7. No one was in the elevator with me so I had no one to impress when I pressed the button to my suite.
- Lugozi
8. My pillow is about to expire.
- Mookiewook
9. I took a fake **** at work ten minutes ago to play on my smartphone but now I actually have to ****. Now everyone is going to think I have diarrhea.
- cacamalapata
10. My DVR was too full to record Hoarders.
- pottymouthgrl
11. I threw a champagne party to get rid of excess champagne, but guests brought champagne with them and now I have more than I started off with…
- yashbo
12. I forgot to charge my electric toothbrush so I had to sweep the bristles across my teeth manually like some type of pauper
- ec2xs
13. My groceries heat up too much in the trunk of my mid-engines sports car.
- theyoyomaster
14. I only got 1 dipping sauce with my 20 nuggets and had to ration it like it was WWII.
- Sekujin
15. My favorite oatmeal bar in NYC won’t stir my oatmeal for me anymore.
- haddadda
16. I don’t know which key is to which BMW.
- aperman
17. I cut my finger and now my fingerprint scanner doesn’t recognize me, so I actually have to type in the password for my computer.
- Curtisv123
18. I had to wake up at 4am, to go on vacation.
- thetallness
19. Not being able to fit your divorce settlement on a single line of a cheque.
- Abshole1
20. The HDTV in my fridge has a dead pixel.
- Wiki_pedo
21. I browsed the Internet so much while I was supposed to be working that I have nothing interesting to look at now I’m on break.
- JohnnyDrama90
22. Both my divorced parents have sail boats at different yacht clubs and they both want to take me sailing today.
- BigDawgWTF
23. I parked my Lexus in cement and everyone is taking pictures instead of helping me.
- chrismusaf
24. My take-out is heavy enough to make my car beep at it for not wearing a seat belt.
- keymaster999
25. A while ago, I spilled healthy, organic chia seeds from my drink. Now they’ve sprouted from my Dyson.
- origin415
Source:
http://www.tickld.com/x/jaw/25-best...dium=facebook&utm_campaign=contentse&ts_pid=3
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