A Death Thread

Pho3nix

Pho3nix

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Morbid but yeah. Thought it would be helpful possibly to have a list of things to look at when you are going through a family death and how best you can protect your family if something was to happen to you or you need to understand a process.

Will update with details etc when I get them and link to threads where Wills, Life Insurance etc have already been discussed.

Thought it would be helpful also for those looking to pick funeral/life cover to understand which financial services won't give you issues when you need to claim as HelloPeter isn't the most ideal for such.

If there is no appetite for this, let it die a fast death as a unreplied thread.

Will pick this up in the AM.
Helping a friend through this and brought up some thoughs and items I should have written down when I was dealing the same
 
1. Have a will in place (especially if you have kids)
2. Life insurance!
3. List of all bakk accounts / policies + paperwork in single place.
4. Have all passwords saved (eg Bitwarden) and leave access to partner/loved one / someone who will pick up pieces.
5. Have some money stashed away for quick access. (Especially if you don't have a funeral policy)
6. Swallow your pride and let people help especially with meals/lifting kids
7. Give yourself time to grieve.
 
It's something that will happen to all of us and can strike at anytime. Not sure why we avoid talking about it. Not talking about it can be more harmful in the long-run as you are less likely to be prepared in that case.
 
To add: Be sure your other half or whomever has immediate access to your bank account and transfers all to another account immediately as the bank will freeze the account as soon as they learn of the death and thus prevent access to probably much needed money.
 
Pax said:
To add: Be sure your other half or whomever has immediate access to your bank account and transfers all to another account immediately as the bank will freeze the account as soon as they learn of the death and thus prevent access to probably much needed money.
Click to expand...
I thought that was illegal?
 
icarusza said:
I thought that was illegal?
Click to expand...
In practice, I've heard it done all the time with the death of loved ones. My gran did the same with the grandfather's passing.

It can take a while for an estate to be settled.
 
it is illegal for obvious reasons, this is why when someone dies don't quickly in the first 5min go and notify every Tom Dick & Harry... there is time to sort a few things out first before you make calls etc.

1) life insurance is really only if you have a spouse or kids that will benefit from it. eg. paying off the house, up to you.
2) most banks will allow a certain amount to be paid to the spouse for "living"
3) agree with the other guy above about ALL usernames and passwords, ID numbers, bank accounts, cell phone access, OTP etc.
4) if you have stocks in the US then on death there is a high tax penalty (I would sell all immediately and transfer back before notifying anyone of the death... but that depends on how the death happens)
5) everything in death relates around finances
6) each spouse should have their own emergency bank / savings account, not linked. If you don't want that then have cash for 3-6 months. ..actually just go open a separate bank account, they are literally R20pm or something! this is only to be used as an emergency death account.
7) distribute your wealth EVENLY should both parents die, between children, don't be a chop and prioritise one over the other FFS! you will destroy families.
8) the more policies and accounts the more complicated it becomes!
9) you really need to have a nice neat printed out file (not effing handwritten scribbles) that clearly tells another person what to do when I die <--- when I die open this file!

10) I'm yet to find any family / parent that actually discusses this with their kids should something happen. It's always a damn secret and shock.
 
icarusza said:
I thought that was illegal?
Click to expand...

Illegal on paper, but nobody has ever been charged with it.

Also the banks only know someone died if someone tells them about it so “immediate” really doesn’t mean 5 minutes after they died.

It takes many weeks usually.
 
For me


Plan for both of you to die. Dont bank on one going first....
We planned for me, family history showed none of my family ever gets older than 65.. her side lives until 80.. her ****en mother cant die apparently

Get a will,
Get funeral cover, R18-20k barely covers a cremation. You dont need 100k, but have enough.
Have a folder with your accounts, Teljoy, edgars etc etc etc, Certain accounts have death benefits, find out which ones have and which ones dont.
Depending on how you were married, Dont settle all the debt, Let the people handling the testament do that if they deem fit. harsh, but most families could rather use the few k that edgars wont miss
Cellphone accounts and so on will get cut, try to transfer what you need
I agree with the above post about transferring cash asap... Do it before the time of death is declared, I heard that could cause trouble if done after
the first week, maybe two are overwhelming, take the help, But be prepared... Everyone else moves on, that sudden alone time, hurts almost as much as the death itself

seek therapy.. Even if you dont think you need it. I had a breakdown about 7months after. You dont know youre not processing things, you just stay strong and carry on for the kids.... but someone needs to look after you aswell. A house without a solid foundation will crumble
 
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My wife knows the important part, my funeral is invite only and no ones invited. She must buy the cheapest blanket to bury me in. No fancy funeral/casket. She can even cremate my remains, whatever is cheaper. No wasting money on people I cannot even remember/recall.
 
rh1 said:
My wife knows the important part, my funeral is invite only and no ones invited. She must buy the cheapest blanket to bury me in. No fancy funeral/casket. She can even cremate my remains, whatever is cheaper. No wasting money on people I cannot even remember/recall.
Click to expand...

Pretty similar for me. From funeral parlour to cremation asap. Minimum fuss and bother.
 
After my mom's passing a few years ago, we transferred funds from her accounts to my dad's within a few days after. We disclosed the transfer to the financial broker and he passed the details to the guys managing the estate. We didn't go nuts and transfer everything, just enough to cover 6 months. It took about 12 months to sort her estate, and it was a quite simple one.

Tips:
1) Written down details of accounts, passwords and login details are invaluable (obviously keep it somewhere safe);
2) Keep policy, insurance and financial documents in a folder (also somewhere safe);
3) It takes about 3 days for the 'bomb to drop' - so take the day of the passing, process your emotions then get the ball rolling on the transfers etc.;
4) A funeral policy (much like the 'pay for days in hospital' policies) is actually a good thing to have - my mom's cremation (with all the arrangements) cost less than R10k. We were lucky, mom didn't want a fuss so it was a silent cremation, being in a small town the costs were low too.
5) Family can be a massive help in these times or a major burden - chose wisely who you keep close (the aunty that cries like she's in a telenovela will just upset everyone for example).
6) Know what your loved ones want to be done with their remains and if there should be a wake or ceremony etc.
7) Keep some keepsakes, allow yourself to grieve.

My mom chatted to me about her passing a few months before it happened. We talked about everything in a very frank (and spontaneous) conversation one afternoon. She told me about everything she wanted, although I did do one thing she didn't tell me about - I placed her ashes at her mother's grave, giving us and the grandkids a place to go should we need to.
 
Part of the coloured culture at least in the Cape Town area, are the funeral parlour service, who offers a one stop service that arrange everything funeral related for roughly the same price as the average funeral policy.

Morgue, bus, phamplets, cemetary etc.
 
Wrath of Khan MD said:
10) I'm yet to find any family / parent that actually discusses this with their kids should something happen. It's always a damn secret and shock.
Click to expand...
My parents did this last year - told us all exactly how their will is structured. Was also very helpful for me in thinking about my own will.
 
FiestaST said:
In case it was not obvious enough:

https://twitter.com/x/status/1884330287221645398
Click to expand...

Funnily I almost died a few weeks ago, and I realized that I have so few photos of me with my family because the kids are camera shy, my parents live far away and the rest just think photos are weird in general.

I send the dumbest faces and worst possible selfies to people to show them what situations I am in and the dumb outfits I have to wear - but I just haven't taken a family photo in years.
 
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