AcidRazor's Intervention

AcidRaZor said:
I wasn't going to reply to this but meh.

I've tried the positive route more recently yes. But I'm not the type of person who feels better because I bought a new couch or have "moved up" and into a direction where many have been before in their lives. Trying to emulate others who appear to be happy by doing/buying the things they do... just isn't me.

I don't see this as sad or that it's terrible. It's just unassisted suicide. OR. As The Dictator would say. Assassinating myself. lol

Don't worry though, I haven't finalized a date yet. I want to do this right, cause the least amount of hassle for everyone around me. And that takes some careful planning :)

I lol'ed at "He makes Eeyore look chipper". Thanks for that. Eeyore is my favorite character

/edit. no it's not a cry for attention or anything. i'm just a lot more cavalier in talking about it as I don't think it's that big a deal anymore.

I'll delete the post if you guys are upset about it. I think I did sometime, in the past, post something to the same extent. But it's different now. I'm not unsure about it anymore. The anxiety/panic attacks the last few days is ****ed up sure, and I've never really had those. The intense feelings I've experienced the past few years all just culminated and blew up over the weekend and made worse yesterday.

Like I said, the only thing I can control is myself and I'd like to challenge the deity's out there to prove to me that there is something more than this, because I'm tired. I've been tired for a while now.
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Mods if you feel that this post is inappropriate then please you have my blessing to delete it.

Acid, yes, you are right, you have every right to do what you want, it is your right. I don't agree with what you have planned but when you get down to it there is nothing I can do about it.

What I can do is tell you my story. 5 years ago this December 6 I got a phone call at 1am from the states. It was the Davies County Sheriff's department informing that my healthy, well to do 50 year old brother had apparently walked into his back yard, sat in a chair, called 911 and then shot himself point blank in the right temple.

Was I surprised? No, I guess he, like you just got tired (there was no note). What I can tell you is that after 5 years I am still so so pissed and so so hurt by what he did. It wasn't like we did not reach out to him. He just refused to see or hear the invites to visit, the invites to open up and let our family love him. He missed out on so much simply because he would not allow himself to because he was afraid (I guess) of getting hurt.

Well you know life is about getting hurt sometimes and life is hard. Hell, I am pretty happy and I get tired as well, that's life. No one said it would be easy or that it would be full of happy, happy, joy, joy. It has taken me 46 years to finally find out what I am supposed to do with my life. That 46 years has been a very long, sometimes very hard but very amusing and rewarding journey

By doing this you rob so many people, present and future of your presence. You might not think so much of your presence but I am sure if you ask around you will find a different answer. I am sure there are plenty of people in your life (if you would just let them) tell you that your presence in this life is very significant.

No offense and like I said, it is your right to do what you want to do but I think taking one's life is the most selfish thing anyone can do. By doing this you are taking away life's and anyone's chance to know you. I have not met a person who has had someone close to them kill themselves and they not really morn but be pissed as hell as I am with my brother when that person killed themselves. That will be the legacy you leave behind if you do this. You do morn but then you get really pissed and you stay that way.

Get help! Getting help will not be easy and you will be tired as hell while doing it but just stick with it you will see that life perhaps will not be so tiring anymore.
 
Well without getting to the issues on a personal level, it'll be such a waste of a good brain. Seriously, this country needs people who's brains function intelligently.
Get off your arse and do some volunteer work, join a big church/temple/whatever. You'll meet people, make friends, and life will get better eventually.

If all else fails, move to Durbs (or similar) and start surfing :P, ****en most awesome thing you could ever do.
 
markface said:
Well without getting to the issues on a personal level, it'll be such a waste of a good brain. Seriously, this country needs people who's brains function intelligently.
Get off your arse and do some volunteer work, join a big church/temple/whatever. You'll meet people, make friends, and life will get better eventually.

If all else fails, move to Durbs (or similar) and start surfing :P, ****en most awesome thing you could ever do.
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I'd rather take on skydiving, at least when my parachute fails it's quite a quick death (unless I have the will to live like that 17yo who survived his fall over this weekend).

I don't want to die by shark bite... :)
 
blunomore said:
According to the Buddhist philosophy, the reason why we get hurt emotionally and feel pain is because you (we!) are attached to things and to people. When life changes, as it is bound to do, we find it hard to accept the change (whether it be death, divorce, breakups or whatever) and we cling to those things/people and THAT is what causes the pain. In other words, our reluctance to accept that nothing is forever is what causes us pain.

I am writing this in simple terms, I hope you understand what I am saying.
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I only saw this post now and while you might subscribe to this philosophy, I don't.
It's been fifteen years, Blu. The pain is still there...it will always be there. It's not a matter
of clinging to the past. In simple words that I hope you understand...it's as though a part of me
is missing.

@ Acid...I know you said you don't want to talk about this anymore, but I've found this site
to be very helpful in dealing with life's situations. It helps to know that we're not alone and
other people are going through the same stuff.
 
MsDenz said:
I only saw this post now and while you might subscribe to this philosophy, I don't.
It's been fifteen years, Blu. The pain is still there...it will always be there. It's not a matter
of clinging to the past. In simple words that I hope you understand...it's as though a part of me
is missing.
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Siblings play a pivotal role in development of our own identities. The death of a sibling means loss of a playmate, confidante and friend. Siblings identities are deeply connected because they share similar histories, so that when one sibling dies, the others do feel as though they lose part of themselves.

Death ends only a life, it does not end the relationship. Life does go on, but the pain of losing a sibling or a child lasts a lifetime.
 
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well. then people should just get over it right? cause thats what i hear all the time. get over it
 
Singal said:
Death ends only a life, it does not end the relationship. Life does go on, but the pain of losing a sibling or a child lasts a lifetime.
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Glad you get it... it has nothing to do with a reluctance to accept that nothing is forever !
AcidRaZor said:
well. then people should just get over it right? cause thats what i hear all the time. get over it
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Most of us have been where you are...we fell in love, thought, this is the person I want to spend the rest of my life with...and then it didn't work out. We know how it is to feel like it's the end of the world...like we'll never ever find someone as perfect...but, time is a great healer. The love you find next might be the right one for you...you just have to hold on until she comes into your life.

People who tell you to just get over it have never been where you are...it will take time. One day at a time...and someday you'll find a reason to want to start living again. Life is too precious to just give up !

I don't know if you are prone to depression, but I can tell you from experience that people who suffer from depression somehow convince themselves that nobody needs them, that they have nothing to live for, that everyone else will be happy if they're not around...
If this is how you feel, you need to get help. Depression is not something to play around with and there is no shame in suffering from it !
 
as much as you cant blame one drop of water for a tsunami, you cant blame her for me being depressed.

lets run a little experiment shall we. I have nothing to live for and yes, I firmly believe everyone would be happier without me. But lets see how many need me. I'll be going silent for the next month on cell/email or whatever. Lets check
 
AcidRaZor said:
as much as you cant blame one drop of water for a tsunami, you cant blame her for me being depressed.

lets run a little experiment shall we. I have nothing to live for and yes, I firmly believe everyone would be happier without me. But lets see how many need me. I'll be going silent for the next month on cell/email or whatever. Lets check
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To achieve what?

Besides you won't be able to stay away from MyBB for too long :D
 
AcidRaZor said:
as much as you cant blame one drop of water for a tsunami, you cant blame her for me being depressed.

lets run a little experiment shall we. I have nothing to live for and yes, I firmly believe everyone would be happier without me. But lets see how many need me. I'll be going silent for the next month on cell/email or whatever. Lets check
Click to expand...

Now you're just being stupid! How are you going to measure happier, do you have a unhappy/happier meter and then what are you going to use as your control sample?
 
AcidRaZor said:
as much as you cant blame one drop of water for a tsunami, you cant blame her for me being depressed.

lets run a little experiment shall we. I have nothing to live for and yes, I firmly believe everyone would be happier without me. But lets see how many need me. I'll be going silent for the next month on cell/email or whatever. Lets check
Click to expand...
I think I can tell you right now how that will probably go. It's not a matter of people not needing you. People get so involved in their own lives, that they forget to call or come visit. Someone may think, "What's happened to Acid? He doesn't call, doesn't email. Oh well, maybe he's busy. I'll give him a call later "...and then life gets hectic once more and they forget to call...and the next they hear you've either done the deed or made a failed attempt at it.

I can only advise you this. If you've been experiencing feelings of deep unhappiness, anger at everything and everyone, or contemplating suicide, YOU NEED TO GET PROFESSIONAL HELP ! When it comes to depression, only YOU can overcome it. You can either choose to visit a health professional who will advise you accordingly...or... you can continue to wallow in self-despair,which will probably have you trying to end it all. I hope you make the right choice.
 
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MsDenz said:
I only saw this post now and while you might subscribe to this philosophy, I don't.
It's been fifteen years, Blu. The pain is still there...it will always be there. It's not a matter
of clinging to the past. In simple words that I hope you understand...it's as though a part of me
is missing.
Click to expand...

I have no doubt you still miss him and it still hurts. As I explained, your emotional attachment to him, is what is making you hurt right now. It's the same for all of us.

I lost my dad in May this year, so there is no need for you to explain this to me - I am going through this as we speak. This was my father, my protector, my anchor ... I have to get used to the fact that I will never see him or talk to him again. I will never be able to ask for his advice again.
 
blunomore said:
I have no doubt you still miss him and it still hurts. As I explained, your emotional attachment to him, is what is making you hurt right now. It's the same for all of us.

I lost my dad in May this year, so there is no need for you to explain this to me - I am going through this as we speak. This was my father, my protector, my anchor ... I have to get used to the fact that I will never see him or talk to him again. I will never be able to ask for his advice again.
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As I said I was explaining my (a sister's)feelings,and while I am sorry for your loss, your loss and my loss are not the same. I think Singal's post said it well.
Anyway, back to Acid's intervention
 
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