Anorgasmia

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50CentShort

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I would appreciate constructive feedback from persons who have experienced this hurdle in their relationship/marriage.

I have been married 4.5 years. We have 1 child, boy, just over 12 months old.

For the duration of our relationship, my wife has always had trouble "getting there". She has not climaxed once during normal sex. There are the odd occasions where she will climax from oral sex, but I would say at about 20% success rate. If that much. It is also a very short, and not intense orgasm and let me tell you it is a LOT OF WORK to make that happen. Like, a ridiculous amount actually.

She is a shy(ish) person when it comes to sex stuff. No kinky, no toys, no experimentation. She has admitted to never doing any "self exploration" and isn't into masturbation.

A noteworthy point is that often she is "almost there", she just cant get over the final hurdle. She has mentioned that she feels like she cant let go because she is "going to pee" and I think this might be part of the equation :confused: I also think that she is so aware of me "working at it" that she gets distracted by that, because she feels bad or something.

From my side, I have had a few partners before we got married and I didn't have difficulty regarding the above.

Has anyone experienced this in their relationship/marriage? Do you go see someone?

If you have good advice, please post or PM me.

D

edit 1 : Foreplay is not in short supply.
 
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It could be you're not sexually compatible with each other.

But also:
No kinky, no toys, no experimentation. She has admitted to never doing any "self exploration" and isn't into masturbation.
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She has to come to the 'party' so to speak and participate. Foreplay and the build up leads to a possible explosive err . . . result. :D

Is she open to a three-some?
 
50CentShort said:
IShe has admitted to never doing any "self exploration" and isn't into masturbation.
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That seems to me like the path of least resistance. Encourage her to do it, it's a lot easier to 'let go' when it's just her. Get her a dildo or two. She needs to feel totally comfortable with herself.

Also:
and isn't into masturbation
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Wtf kind of person is this :twisted:!?
 
Tell her to pee before sex.

Her problem sounds psychological though. Many women "squirt" during orgasm, and scientists have discovered that most of the squirt is actually pee. So, she would literally be peeing herself. Some women squirt more than others - sounds like your wife is a squirter.
 
Ancalagon said:
Tell her to pee before sex.

Her problem sounds psychological though. Many women "squirt" during orgasm, and scientists have discovered that most of the squirt is actually pee. So, she would literally be peeing herself. Some women squirt more than others - sounds like your wife is a squirter.
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Thank you for the constructive feedback
 
There are many possible causes of anorgasmia in women, it could be health related (e.g. diabetes), she could have gynecological or hormonal problems (low estrogen levels) or it could be due to medication, amongst other causess. Many older women become anorgasmic due to lower hormone levels. I know a 65yr old woman who was sexually inactive for many years after a divorce, including no masturbation. Prior to the divorce, she had no problem achieving multiple orgasms, but now, despite a very willing attitude towards sex, no amount of foreplay or manual/oral stimulation would result in an orgasm.

Good luck finding a solution, my best advice is to find a good medical doctor or gynecologist to investigate and treat accordingly.

Here is a good read on the topic.
 
skeptic_SA said:
@OP

1. Were you her "first"?
2. How old is she?
3. Did she have Natural Birth or CS?
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1. Yes, I was her first though she messed about a bit in other previous relationships.
2. She is 31
3. She had Natural Birth. I'm not sure the relevancy of this though, as the issue was before AND after child. Things went right back to normal in terms of tightness. Might be my imagination, but think it's ever tighter now :eek:
 
Blue Shirt said:
There are many possible causes of anorgasmia in women, it could be health related (e.g. diabetes), she could have gynecological or hormonal problems (low estrogen levels) or it could be due to medication, amongst other causess. Many older women become anorgasmic due to lower hormone levels. I know a 65yr old woman who was sexually inactive for many years after a divorce, including no masturbation. Prior to the divorce, she had no problem achieving multiple orgasms, but now, despite a very willing attitude towards sex, no amount of foreplay or manual/oral stimulation would result in an orgasm.

Good luck finding a solution, my best advice is to find a good medical doctor or gynecologist to investigate and treat accordingly.

Here is a good read on the topic.
Click to expand...

Thank you for your constructive feedback
 
50CentShort said:
1. Yes, I was her first though she messed about a bit in other previous relationships.
2. She is 31
3. She had Natural Birth. I'm not sure the relevancy of this though, as the issue was before AND after child. Things went right back to normal in terms of tightness. Might be my imagination, but think it's ever tighter now :eek:
Click to expand...

Just trying to get a clearer picture of who she is. "No kinky. No toys. No experimentation". She doesn't WANT to own toys? Or she has some and doesn't want to use them? Would/does she watch porn?
In SA women (especially Afrikaans women) have been taught since childhood that sex if for procreation only and that enjoyment thereof will lead to all manner of religious issues and "heath issues". As such - masturbation was always view as dirty. Unfortunately as a result a lot of women have psychological issues affecting their ability to orgasm normally.

Advise from Blue Shirt is sound.
 
I would say encourage her to masturbate. She needs to explore herself to know what she likes. If you are not comfortable to masturbate on your own there is a mental block in my view. Masturbation for men and woman are normal. She is going to have to get over that. Once she knows what she likes and what gets her there, then she can show you.

That, or there is physically something going on, and open cards is going to be required with her GP or vagina doctor.

Oh ... regarding the pee thing. Tell her to relax. Reassure her. Dont now about woman, but with anal, if you put pressure on the prostate, it also can feel like you wanna pee. And so what if a little comes out. A little bit of urine never hurt no one. Giggle about it after, put the sheets in the washing machine and have a shower together.
 
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