Another one of those 'advice' threads

genetic

genetic

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Ok.. so for the last year and a bit I've become quite a regular at a bar in town (on and off), and come to know the managers, bartenders and waiters etc.

I've gotten to know this cute barmaid quite well over time, and we often chat when we happen to see each other. About two months ago, she asked me for my number, which I (obviously) gave out without any hesitation, and we've sms'd each other occasionally since then. The sms's are the typical "hope you have a great week", "when you coming round again?", "see you soon" kind of typical bla-bla communication. Nothing serious.

To cut to the chase...

So last night, a work colleague and myself decide to discuss an upcoming project over a beer, and she happened to be there - although she wasn't working behind the bar this time. She was having drinks with some friends at a table and came over to say hi. She chatted very briefly and left - so my colleague and myself continue chatting for some time, then after a while I came back from the bathroom, there's tequilas waiting for me.
She had bought the tequilas - and we downed them, I said thanks, she smiled, then she went back to her table.
She came back about 30min later and said that now it's my round, and I've taken too long to sort another round of tequilas out. I order the round, throw it down the hatch, she hugs me, chats a bit, says 'see you soon' and runs back off to the table.

As I leave, I go to say goodbye - she hugs me, kisses me on the cheek and tells me not to be so shy in future.

The signals are quite obvious one might think.

Now, the thing is, I'm generally relaxed around women - I can chat, make conversation and generally keep it going. This has also never been a problem with previous ex's etc. but in front of her I freeze. I freeze up nearly every single time. I stumble on my words, say stupid stuff, struggle to make conversation and think thereafter that I must come across as a complete idiot.

I don't understand why I freeze up every time I chat to her! :confused:
I'm definitely attracted to her, but I've never had this problem before (maybe once or twice over those typical high school crushes), but my brain seems to shut down all logic when she's there. I feel like an incompetent imbecile and my IQ suddenly drops a bar. :o

Is this normal? I mean wtf?

There might be an opportunity here I don't really want to stuff it up - actually, I'm probably going to stuff it anyway. I still don't even know if she's single... go figure :rolleyes:

Any advice, opinions or flak?
 
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Schit happens, just go with the flow as she's no different to any other woman out there.
 
I find that its best to approach such situations with an attitude of "If its really meant to be then it'll be fine regardless of screwups". Takes some of the pressure to say the right thing off you. ;) Even if you don't believe that deep down, its often enough to gloss over the crucial moments.
 
Sounds like it is some form of fear of commitment. You know she wants you as a bf at least maybe as far as a child. That would scare me too.

Someone who is in a dead end job might want to go the maternal route so be careful.
She can force you in a relationship by giving her goodies to you but what matters is what you have in common and where both of you want to achieve in life.

.. or she could be a slut doing everyone she fancies.
 
nfbs said:
Sounds like it is some form of fear of commitment. You know she wants you as a bf at least maybe as far as a child. That would scare me too.

Someone who is in a dead end job might want to go the maternal route so be careful.
She can force you in a relationship by giving her goodies to you but what matters is what you have in common and where both of you want to achieve in life.

.. or she could be a slut doing everyone she fancies.
Click to expand...

Maybe she just likes him, it's not that uncommon. I met two girls like this that I'm still best friends with after many years.
 
ponder said:
Maybe she just likes him, it's not that uncommon. I met two girls like this that I'm still best friends with after many years.
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A cute barmaid she would have been hit on a million times.
He probably thinks she is a virgin.

If she was shy she would be a officeworker/librarian/accoutant/programmer etc not a barmaid.
 
Just bong her already!! the signs are all there!!! she wants it!!!

Sent from my GT-I9000 using MyBroadband Android App
 
in our minds we place different people on different levels.

eg in school, you may place the class dork on a level below you, your friends on the same level and a guy who is super cool on a level above you.

when you see someone as below your level, you dont give a damn what they think about you, and may even treat them with contempt.

conversely, when you see someone as being above you, you really care what they think, and act in the manner that you have described.

the trick is to not allow your mind to see her as being any more special than you are. you have to get rid of that awe factor and bring her back down to the level of your friends.

its hard to describe, but I hope that helps a little.
 
genetic said:
About two months ago, she asked me for my number
She was having drinks with some friends at a table and came over to say hi. She chatted very briefly and left
She had bought the tequilas - and we downed them, I said thanks, she smiled, then she went back to her table.
She came back about 30min later
she hugs me, chats a bit, says 'see you soon' and runs back off to the table.
she hugs me, kisses me on the cheek and tells me not to be so shy in future.
Click to expand...

It's too late - by now she reckons you're GAY
 
genetic said:
Now, the thing is, I'm generally relaxed around women - I can chat, make conversation and generally keep it going. This has also never been a problem with previous ex's etc. but in front of her I freeze. I freeze up nearly every single time. I stumble on my words, say stupid stuff, struggle to make conversation and think thereafter that I must come across as a complete idiot.

I don't understand why I freeze up every time I chat to her! :confused:
I'm definitely attracted to her, but I've never had this problem before (maybe once or twice over those typical high school crushes), but my brain seems to shut down all logic when she's there. I feel like an incompetent imbecile and my IQ suddenly drops a bar. :o
Click to expand...

Lol, nice: start the day with one I actually know. This is actually very very easy. Tell her that, and you'll know if you have a chance and what she thinks.

Tell her: "I don't know why, but every time I try to talk to you I get so nervous I can't think of anything to say" with a small grin

or something else in that line. A bit of self-deprecated humour always works ;-)

go 4 it dude: have fun
 
Some good advice here!!


nfbs said:
Sounds like it is some form of fear of commitment. You know she wants you as a bf at least maybe as far as a child. That would scare me too.
Click to expand...

Thinking about it, fear of commitment could play apart. My working hours are often horrendous, and strangely enough, I'm enjoying the single life at the moment...


nfbs said:
A cute barmaid she would have been hit on a million times.
He probably thinks she is a virgin.
Click to expand...

I've seen guys hit on her nearly every time I've been there. Seriously doubt she's a virgin though.


ave said:
in our minds we place different people on different levels.

eg in school, you may place the class dork on a level below you, your friends on the same level and a guy who is super cool on a level above you.

when you see someone as below your level, you dont give a damn what they think about you, and may even treat them with contempt.

conversely, when you see someone as being above you, you really care what they think, and act in the manner that you have described.

the trick is to not allow your mind to see her as being any more special than you are. you have to get rid of that awe factor and bring her back down to the level of your friends.

its hard to describe, but I hope that helps a little.
Click to expand...

Very interesting! I can definitely agree with this. I guess the way to approach this is just think of her as another person I have no issue communicating with. Another friend maybe...
I guess self depreciated humour can actually give one more respect in some weird way?? Lets see what happens.
 
Chicks are car guards.™ Kick her inna panty! :mad:
 
bin3 said:
Lol, nice: start the day with one I actually know. This is actually very very easy. Tell her that, and you'll know if you have a chance and what she thinks.

Tell her: "I don't know why, but every time I try to talk to you I get so nervous I can't think of anything to say" with a small grin

or something else in that line. A bit of self-deprecated humour always works ;-)

go 4 it dude: have fun
Click to expand...
+1
 
There's a lot of decent people out there doing 'casual sector' jobs, it's not an indication of personality type, it means she's willing to work hard and deal with drunk men for the sake of having a job and an income.

She is encouraging you, go with the attitude that this person can be a friend, she obviousely approves of you.

The easiest way to ask her out is to casually mention that you'd love to see some or other movie and whether she feels like joining you for a movie and a light snack - do not ask her out for a drink lol - bars are her workplace.

First ask her about herself though, casual chat about what music or movies she likes and so on..
 
wrathex said:
There's a lot of decent people out there doing 'casual sector' jobs, it's not an indication of personality type, it means she's willing to work hard and deal with drunk men for the sake of having a job and an income.

She is encouraging you, go with the attitude that this person can be a friend, she obviousely approves of you.

The easiest way to ask her out is to casually mention that you'd love to see some or other movie and whether she feels like joining you for a movie and a light snack - do not ask her out for a drink lol - bars are her workplace.

First ask her about herself though, casual chat about what music or movies she likes and so on..
Click to expand...

Also good advice.
 
Geez dude, how tough is your life if you have cute girls hitting on you.

Anyways, she has stuck her neck out twice, once to get your number, and once in front of her friends at the bar.
I doubt she will do it again, make a move or lose out. She sounds cool and i have never even met her. I think you may be struggling because she is making the advances, she has been in control. I think you will be more confident if you take the lead on this one.

if you dont do anything , you will regret it
 
There's an old Afrikaans saying ... "As dit pap reën moet jy skep!"
 
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