ANC defends Springbok against ANC, ANC hits back
PRETORIA. The ruling ANC has slammed the ruling ANC, saying that the ANC should leave the Springbok emblem alone, while the ANC has hit back saying that the ANC should not meddle with the ANC's policy regarding the iconic symbol. However both agreed that with an election looming it is time once again to threaten to abolish the Springbok before magnanimously saving it.
The controversy first erupted last week when Parliament's portfolio committee on sport and recreation, tasked with issuing divisive and racially charged statements prior to national elections, once again promised to abolish the Springbok rugby emblem.
The committee, which is chaired by former male model and society dame Butana Komphela, compared the Springbok to the Nazi swastika.
It has not yet explained whether or not this implies that Nelson Mandela, who famously donned Francois Pienaar's Springbok jersey at the World Cup in 1995, is a Nazi collaborator.
The threats were welcomed by most commentators.
"As long as Komphela is making racist statements and threatening white sports, democracy is safe," said political analyst Sparletta Mahlangu.
"It shows we have a functioning electoral system, and that we're going into the normal pre-election cycle of the ANC whipping up some anti-white sentiment to distract the masses from their current anti-black sentiment."
Meanwhile spokespeople for both the ANC and the ANC said that the attack on the Springbok and subsequent defence were part of the party's ongoing mandate to tell the electorate what to think.
"The ANC's research has shown very clearly that whites are fairly simple creatures," said spokesman Brooklax Dandala.
"They like cooking meat over open flames, listening to accordions, having sex with black char ladies called Elsie or Gladys, and denying paternity of the offspring.
"Sometimes they do this all at the same time, which is awesome."
However, he added, new research had shown that white people also liked emigrating to Australia with all their money, which was why it was important for the ANC to make a show of defending things white people cared about.
"Threatening to abolish the Springbok before generously defending it sends out a really clear message to whites: 'please don't take your tax revenue overseas'."
He added that if the tactic worked well the ANC might expand it to other things whites cared about.
However he would not confirm or deny that this might entail threatening to banish Steve Hofmeyr to Robben Island before pardoning him and allowing him to play his accordion while sitting on Jacob Zuma's knee.
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