Change me

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guest2013-1

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Okay so I'm doing a bit of soul searching and have been told that I make excuses for not doing something rather than change it.

Perceptions are a big (if not the only thing) part in this and obviously everyone has their own perception/opinion of who I am and how I am etc.

The online community is a big part of A perception they (you) have of me, and after sending the same question to my friends and family, I'm now opening the floor to you guys:

If you could change 1 thing about me, what would it be? (and if possible, be specific and/or suggest a way I can approach this to work on it over time or change immediately)
 
Here is a couple of things to get you started

* Do one selfless act a day to stranger
* Pay a stranger a sincere compliment
 
You actually sent your friends and family a question as to what they would change about you?

What kind of dynamic do you have with your family?
 
Look @ the man in the mirror. If you wanna make the world a better place take a look at yourself and make that change
 
blunomore said:
You actually sent your friends and family a question as to what they would change about you?

What kind of dynamic do you have with your family?
Click to expand...

I don't know. One that I can ask such a question and they can give me an honest answer
 
I wouldn't want to change you. I hope you could find peace in yourself though.
 
Well, here's a generic reply. Stop expecting others to change your life for the better. In fact, stop expecting anything form others. Change begins with yourself.
 
Let me help you there buddy. You don't need to change anything. People who don't like something about you will more than likely stay well clear and those who can't accept a few things that make you YOU need to not be a part of your life. Those who do accept your faults and are still happy to be your friends well good on them. You can't be a crowd pleaser, it is impossible! For every person that likes something about you there will always be someone else that doesn't like that about you.

Stop trying to please everyone else and just please yourself. Those with similar interests, habits or traits will gravitate to you because of this while those that don't won't. That's why people share similar hobbies and enjoy those hobbies together while some may find those hobbies pointless and a waste of time.

Just learn to love yourself! If you feel there is something you need to change that needs to be a personal choice to better yourself for yourself, not for others. You only have one shot at life and it's better to go through it making yourself happy rather than others.

</thread>
 
Geriatrix said:
Well, here's a generic reply. Stop expecting others to change your life for the better. In fact, stop expecting anything form others. Change begins with yourself.
Click to expand...

I realize that, but to me, there's nothing TO change. Nothing I *want* to change anyway. I mean sure, there's things I "want" like, losing some weight or being more fit. But there's *nothing* that really motivates me to do it. And I know what you're going to say "You should motivate yourself" and that's the crux of the situation and the "nothing" I refer to.

There's very little (if any) someone can motivate me to do. Most of what I've done and accomplished was something I did because I was motivated TO do it.

And I'm motivated to change myself. I just don't know what TO change and as it's in an effort to be a better person, the perception I have with the online forums and my friends/family of what person they think I am and what I should change according to them, is a great barometer as to what I need to focus on.

"Be the change you want to see in the world"

The principal idea here is that if I change the things people want of me, the perception will change and the way I see the world and interact with it (and how it interacts with me) would change which would make it possible for me to live and not just be alive.
 
^^vampire^^ said:
Just learn to love yourself! If you feel there is something you need to change that needs to be a personal choice to better yourself for yourself, not for others. You only have one shot at life and it's better to go through it making yourself happy rather than others.

</thread>
Click to expand...

There's not a lot of people in my life, and those that are (including family) I can count on one hand. So there is something I am doing or thinking or saying 99% of the public either don't get or don't agree with.

I'm doing this for myself and not because I want to please anyone. I've never done anything in my life that was to please someone that I didn't WANT to do on my own. I've never said anything just to win friends or hearts (I'm no politician) and have had the attitude of "If you don't like it, then you don't like it"

I'm at a point now where nothing makes sense anymore. There's no desire to start something or complete it. I force myself to have hobbies of things I'm interested in but find that I just end up doing them alone anyway since no one else really goes past the "Me" factor. Those that do in the beginning just switches off and I'm back at square 1.

And I've heard more than a few (hundred) times that I'm the one with the problem. From several people (including here) with no connection to each other.

To be honest, not even this makes me motivated enough to do anything really. But I need to start somewhere to try and gain some sort of life. Because the way it is now, is just to sit and wait for the end. Then waking up the next day going "mmm, not the end yet, maybe tonight"
 
You cannot change yourself, not intrinsically. What you can change are the factors and thought processes that cause you to make bad decisions and dislike the person you perceive yourself to be.
 
AcidRaZor said:
And I'm motivated to change myself.
Click to expand...
Then...
AcidRaZor said:
I just don't know what TO change and as it's in an effort to be a better person
Click to expand...
There's a vagueness here I think you need to think about.
I think these aren't necessarily your own thoughts.
You say you want to change but you can't say what you want to change. So either you need to clearly articulate what it is you don't like about yourself or what you want to improve, so that you can have something to work with and towards, or you need to consider that you are being caught up with what others think you should or should not do or be(which you do not have to entertain if you do not want to).
 
Last edited:
Have you gone to any sort of therapist? Maybe they can point you in the right direction.

What are you looking for right now?
Friends?
Love?
Fun?
Money?
Career Growth?
Travel?
 
poffle said:
Have you gone to any sort of therapist? Maybe they can point you in the right direction.

What are you looking for right now?
Friends?
Love?
Fun?
Money?
Career Growth?
Travel?
Click to expand...

Everything and I've done 3 out of 6 already. I'd say Fun/Friends maybe?
 
AcidRaZor said:
There's not a lot of people in my life, and those that are (including family) I can count on one hand. So there is something I am doing or thinking or saying 99% of the public either don't get or don't agree with.

I'm doing this for myself and not because I want to please anyone. I've never done anything in my life that was to please someone that I didn't WANT to do on my own. I've never said anything just to win friends or hearts (I'm no politician) and have had the attitude of "If you don't like it, then you don't like it"

I'm at a point now where nothing makes sense anymore. There's no desire to start something or complete it. I force myself to have hobbies of things I'm interested in but find that I just end up doing them alone anyway since no one else really goes past the "Me" factor. Those that do in the beginning just switches off and I'm back at square 1.

And I've heard more than a few (hundred) times that I'm the one with the problem. From several people (including here) with no connection to each other.

To be honest, not even this makes me motivated enough to do anything really. But I need to start somewhere to try and gain some sort of life. Because the way it is now, is just to sit and wait for the end. Then waking up the next day going "mmm, not the end yet, maybe tonight"
Click to expand...


I don't think that's necessarily all true. I have my gf/mom/dad/brother/one friend. So I'm also only on one hand :D
I personally don't have time for anyone else anymore so I guess that's my circumstance - not sure what yours is.
I also have lots of hobbies I try to pursue and fail miserably at but I think mine is time factor. I get up, go to work, come home, gym, go to bed - rinse, repeat.

Maybe you need to find something that pushes you through? I love to travel and find that all the **** of working allows me to travel at least once a year internationally which I greatly enjoy. Just remember we are victims of our own circumstance - don't be afraid to change yours even if it's a complete overhaul. I've found many people have dropped their jobs to make a lot less but something they are passionate about. Some people wind up travelling indefinitely because they want to see the world.
 
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