Change me

[poffle]

Alrighty,

Well, im sure this has been proposed before but what about joining certain clubs/communities for activities you enjoy.

Cycling, running, photography, gaming, white river rafting, something that entertains you. You will definitely make friends and have fun while doing so.

I was also gatvol and thinking about change and doing something with my life. Started running (makes you feel 100000 times better), became a yes man for a month (sh#t gets hectic saying yes to stuff so becareful ), started going to parties where the music is good and stuff just seems to make sense. Jobs become less mundane, meet new people

 

[guest2013-1]

Then...

There's a vagueness here I think you need to think about.
I think these aren't necessarily your own thoughts.
You say you want to change but you can't say what you want to change. So either you need to clearly articulate what it is you don't like about yourself or what you want to improve, so that you can have something to work with and towards, or you need to consider that you are being caught up with what others think you should or should not do or be(which you do not have to entertain if you do not want to).

Yea see the thing is, I know I want to change, but I don't know what TO change. What would make me happier? I have no ****ing clue. That's why I'm making a list of things others say they think I should change to find the thing that makes me happier and in turn a better person.

It's not just about "finding a hobby" or whatever, because I can't keep myself busy forever. Someday (if I make it) I'll retire. Then what. Then I have even less to keep my mind occupied because I've avoided building anything substantial to ensure I'd be happy. Alone or not.

Finding what would make a positive change is the challenge. Something I have no idea. I could go "Oh right, looking like Taylor Laughtner (or whatever his name is)" can be a goal, but then I get there and I'm like "WTF I hate myself still and people are avoiding me anyway, what was that effort for?"

But what I *think* I want to change might differ to what you think I should change and in the end might be that thing. Sure, some guys might want the example I just gave, but it's still going to be empty if they spent all that time achieving it and it helped absolutely nothing

 

[Geriatrix]

Yea see the thing is, I know I want to change, but I don't know what TO change. What would make me happier? I have no ****ing clue. That's why I'm making a list of things others say they think I should change to find the thing that makes me happier and in turn a better person.

It's not just about "finding a hobby" or whatever, because I can't keep myself busy forever. Someday (if I make it) I'll retire. Then what. Then I have even less to keep my mind occupied because I've avoided building anything substantial to ensure I'd be happy. Alone or not.

Finding what would make a positive change is the challenge. Something I have no idea. I could go "Oh right, looking like Taylor Laughtner (or whatever his name is)" can be a goal, but then I get there and I'm like "WTF I hate myself still and people are avoiding me anyway, what was that effort for?"

But what I *think* I want to change might differ to what you think I should change and in the end might be that thing. Sure, some guys might want the example I just gave, but it's still going to be empty if they spent all that time achieving it and it helped absolutely nothing

Ah... careful now, you're asking some dangerous questions. What is this elusive happiness? Siddhartha wanted to know too.
But I digress.

So. Let's start small then.

Yea see the thing is, I know I want to change

Why? Try and articulate why. Write it out in two paragraphs. Describe the vague feelings if you have to, just start there for now.

 

[guest2013-1]

Ah... careful now, you're asking some dangerous questions. What is this elusive happiness? Siddhartha wanted to know too.
But I digress.

So. Let's start small then.


Why? Try and articulate why. Write it out in two paragraphs. Describe the vague feelings if you have to, just start there for now.

Won't even fill one sentence.

I just read something online though.

Happy is a part of Happen which is like going "What's happening" which is to continue (blablabla) what makes you not give up on life and continue doing stuff (which is the person's definition of happiness)

Now I've isolated what that is for me, why I haven't just jumped off of the first tall building (no it's not sheer willpower or anything)

The problem is, and I guess the reason for this thread is, that part has become unstable to the point where I don't see it existing for me anymore which would make that not be a part of my life anymore and thus not having that desire to continue.

I just thought of that stupid advert. "If you look good you feel good, and if you feel good good things happen"

So I guess where I could start is the "looks" part? I must admit I have let myself go over the last decade or so, and there's been instances where I did start making changes but never followed through with more changes and/or finishing.

Mmm... dunno. Feels like I have to change. But maybe it's not me, just some aspects of me?

 

[cerebus]

I was heavily depressed as a teenager/young man. Took a lot of drugs, messed up quite a lot. And I guess I had some circumstances that were responsible for that.

But anyway I remember one day I was probably 21-22 I was in Camden and something happened to me and I just realized that I could be happy and I actually deserved to be happy. I think that was the big breakthrough, just knowing that I had as much right to happiness as anyone else. Nothing that had happened to me needed to predetermine my future, I just had to set on the path to becoming what I then knew I could become.

And that path led me to finding God eventually and since then I haven't had an issue with depression again. But I'm not determining that path for you even if I could wish it. Just saying, it is a conscious decision and a path you take.

 

[Geriatrix]

I just thought of that stupid advert. "If you look good you feel good, and if you feel good good things happen"

So I guess where I could start is the "looks" part? I must admit I have let myself go over the last decade or so, and there's been instances where I did start making changes but never followed through with more changes and/or finishing.

Mmm... dunno. Feels like I have to change. But maybe it's not me, just some aspects of me?

Adverts are designed to break you down so that you desire the products they push to build you up again. Be aware of that process happening in the future and don't fall for it, it's lies.

But good. There's a start. What I got from you there was that you want to at least get in shape and stop procrastinating in general, true?

 

[guest2013-1]

Adverts are designed to break you down so that you desire the products they push to build you up again. Be aware of that process happening in the future and don't fall for it, it's lies.

But good. There's a start. What I got from you there was that you want to at least get in shape and stop procrastinating in general, true?

Yup

I was heavily depressed as a teenager/young man. Took a lot of drugs, messed up quite a lot. And I guess I had some circumstances that were responsible for that.

But anyway I remember one day I was probably 21-22 I was in Camden and something happened to me and I just realized that I could be happy and I actually deserved to be happy. I think that was the big breakthrough, just knowing that I had as much right to happiness as anyone else. Nothing that had happened to me needed to predetermine my future, I just had to set on the path to becoming what I then knew I could become.

And that path led me to finding God eventually and since then I haven't had an issue with depression again. But I'm not determining that path for you even if I could wish it. Just saying, it is a conscious decision and a path you take.

Thanks, you probably read the whole Jewish thing I had in the other section of the forum. I've had a lot of flack for that, and it's from Jewish people I know. They say they support me and I feel like I can do things, but then they keep telling me how unacceptable some aspects of ME are and that I'll never fit in.

I'm still on the fence so to speak, but I felt that if I shared a religion with like-minded people, I could at least have a start in getting where I think I want to go. It just seems that no one wants to support what I want to do, not even God.

Yesterday I was listening to this Rabbi, who said that (and quoted Einstein) "God doesn't play dice with the universe" and that every soul has a counter-part and they'll just find each other because they belong together and that divorce is a part of that (including remarriage) and that it's meant to be whatever, but that you'll meet and marry the person youre supposed to.

What I found unbelievable was that he was so convinced there is someone out there for you. That you will marry. That there is a plan in place. I can't see that at all. I really can't. But that's a whole different topic altogether. Point is, stuff that I think might bring me to that happiness I'm looking for is just pointless if there's no support for what I want to achieve.

I guess that's why I look to forums some times

 

[Geriatrix]

Yup

Cool.
Those we can work with.

Fitness.
Go to www.reddit.com/r/fitness/
Start with the faq on the right.
Pick some goal, formalize them, work out schedules and stick to them. You WILL see results within 3-4 weeks.

Procrastination.
By sticking to your fitness program and then finally starting to see results your motivation levels should start to increase. This would, in theory bleed into other areas of your life. Enthusiasm is infectious. If it doesn't, at least you'll get more attention form the ladies.

 

[cerebus]

I didn't read your post about being Jewish, I wasn't aware of that. Im just sharing the path I went through to get happy.

I feel like you see the problem as being a part of what you are when it's more to do with finding a source of joy and just being happy with what you are. The more you worry about changing the more introspective and morose you are likely to become.

 

[Nick333]

Know thyself as someone famously said.

Acid you need to change your attitude and that's not a personal judgment.

You need to feel more love for people and life in general. The only tip I can give you is that you have to start by loving yourself. Love your neighbour as you love yourself is pretty poor advise if you don't love yourself very much.

I generally tell people that meditation is a good place to start getting to know yourself and being a bit more compassionate towards yourself but there must be other ways.

Anyway, it's probably your attitude that sucks bro and, again that's not a personal judgment.

 

[guest2013-1]

My outlook has always drifted towards misanthropy

Seeing what others do to others and how they get away with it and just a general lack of compassion when someone knowingly hurt others with their actions (drunk drivers for example)

I know it's a change of attitude, but it's quite tough for me to pinpoint exactly what in my attitude needs to change/shift to get to a specific point where I can say (and others can see) that it changed.

In the past couple of years (5 at least) I've worked on my anger and sarcasm. I tend to get mean when I'm depressed and lash out. My depression was based off of stress etc, but I doubt that stress has caused it in the last few years unless it shifted from one to another without me noticing (I never really feel stressed, so was surprised to learn my anger/depression was of that)

This is bigger than what you guys might think though. I have been "like this" since I can remember. And shifting gears, so to speak, is one helluva task. I use the "How do you eat an elephant?" question usually and then try to make small changes to bring in a bigger change.

I think one big issue I have is following through with the changes I do start maybe... but that brings in another point some of my family made, and that is my patience.

I have no idea where to begin really. I have a list of things my friends/family mentioned though, which I guess is a start.

 

[demon angel]

Okay so I'm doing a bit of soul searching and have been told that I make excuses for not doing something rather than change it.

Perceptions are a big (if not the only thing) part in this and obviously everyone has their own perception/opinion of who I am and how I am etc.



The online community is a big part of A perception they (you) have of me, and after sending the same question to my friends and family, I'm now opening the floor to you guys:

If you could change 1 thing about me, what would it be? (and if possible, be specific and/or suggest a way I can approach this to work on it over time or change immediately)

Perhaps you need a change of career, do something meaningful with your life.
Help out at homeless shelters or focus on raising funds for charity.

You feel empty, use it to benefit others, remember how good you have it.
People are starving to death, living in war ravaged countries, and you have a chance to make a difference....
That my friend is power!

 

[Geriatrix]

Perhaps you need a change of career, do something meaningful with your life.
Help out at homeless shelters or focus on raising funds for charity.

You feel empty, use it to benefit others, remember how good you have it.
People are starving to death, living in war ravaged countries, and you have a chance to make a difference....
That my friend is power!

Demon angel. The charitable one.