patrick
Expert Member
Ok so my last thread got seriously sidetracked by discussions on cheating so I've decided it get's it's own thread.
These are not all my ideas, but they are things I've applied to my life with great results. Relationships and communication is something I find fascinating and have spent a few years studying. On this topic, I have been cheated on before, and I've also cheated, so I have experience on both sides of the fence... I take no liability from any actions which result in you taking, or not taking this information into your life!
There are three main reasons why someone would cheat:
1) Her personality. Some people cheat all the time, some people never cheat. Most people fall between those two ranges.
2) The quality of the relationship. Ie. are you taking care of her social, emotional and sexual needs.
3) The specific social situation. She's out with friends, you're not there, drinking partying etc, something could happen.
To put it bluntly, if you met a girl who was seeing someone else and she cheated with you. Then you start dating, but you don't spend quality time together, don't listen to her problems and don't fulfil her in the bedroom. One night she goes out with her friends, has too much to drink. Her group meets up with a bunch of cool people who invite them back to their place for a jaquzzi party. One of the guys there is good looking, confident, cocky and giving her lots of attention, well then you're pretty much screwed. She's going to cheat!
So how do you avoid that?
I'll deal with this from a male point of view since we're mostly men here. What most guys do is they focus on point 3. They become possesive and jealous. This is so counter productive I can't even begin to describe it. Basically jealousy becomes a self fulfilling prophesy. The last thing in the world you want to do is hound her about who she's with, what she doing etc. etc. If she says she's going on a girls night you don't question her about it? She's a grown woman and doesn't need to report her doings to you. All you need to say to her is "Hope you have a fantastic night." Number 3 is out of your control (As always there are exceptions. Something major like going out to do drugs would be one of mine, in which case you need to be a man and tell her it's unacceptible, not by fighting and arguing, but by stating your point, being strong and unemotional about the way you do it).
Onto point 1. How do you know if you're with a girl who cheats or not. It's actually really simple. You ask her. Not when you're in the relationship already of course, but when you're getting to know her and trying to decide if she's someone you'd like to get involved with. I usually play the questions game when I meet someone I'm attracted to. And besides all the other weird questions I like to ask, I always slip in the "Have you ever cheated on a partner question?" If she says yes she's cheated with just about all the men she's dated, then you should expect that she'll do that with you too. Women are surprisingly honest, especially when you're not in a relationship yet.
Now onto the quality of the relationship. This to me is the most important aspect in whether someone will cheat or not, and luckily for us, it's the one we can best control. I could write pages on this, but for now just the basics. I'll warn you ahead of time that if you're a feminist you're probably not going to like what I'm saying, but your girlfriend will respond to it very positively.
Be a man. You're not some metro half girl guy, you're the man in the relationship. Be confident, positive, enjoy your life, and most importantly make her feel like a woman. Make decisions, don't ask her what she wants to do tonight, or where you should go for dinner. Never say "I don't mind, I'll do whatever you want to do. NEVER! Tell her "We're going to check out the new Mozambiquen place, you'll love it" or say "It's a surprise.". Women love surprises. Now don't be a jerk, if she really wants to do something you can do it. Taking turns picking things works quite well, just don't wuss out on your turn.
Then you need to work on trust in the relationship. She needs to trust that you won't hurt her, won't judge her and will take care of her. How do you get that trust? Well mainly by doing those things. Also don't let her get you to break that trust. Don't speak badly about your exes else she won't trust that you won't about her if you're over. Also keep your emotions in check. Don't lose it with things. Be in control of your life and handle issues that come your way with control. When she comes to you with problems, listen to her. You don't have to solve her problems, in fact she'd probably prefer it if you didn't, but just be there for her.
Then into the bedroom. A woman who is completely satisfied will very rarely cheat. This is a public group, and not a sex discussion board so I won't go into too many details. Mainly, as in the rest of your life be a man and make her feel like a woman! Foreplay starts way earlier for women than for men. We're pretty much ready the minute we see naked flesh, women need to warm up a little. I like to start before you even head out. If she's just walked out of the bathroom, probably an hour late, tell her she looks stunning, push her against the wall kiss her passionaltely and whisper into her ear "I already can't wait to get you home, the things I'm going to do to you...", then take her hand and lead her to the car for a great night out. I love that line, can't remember where I saw it but it's fantastic. Then when you're out, touch her discreetly. Women loved to be touched and teased when there's no way you can get sexual. Get her into a private dark corner, slide your hands under her clothes and all over her body and get her gasping... You want to get her all hot and bothered so she'll melt when you do get home. And in bed you don't need to ask if she want's to do x or y. Be a man and do it. Flip her over. Pick her up and push her against a wall. Women love a strong man in the bedroom.
Don't be scared to push the boundaries. A lot of the time they're secretly hoping you will.
These are not all my ideas, but they are things I've applied to my life with great results. Relationships and communication is something I find fascinating and have spent a few years studying. On this topic, I have been cheated on before, and I've also cheated, so I have experience on both sides of the fence... I take no liability from any actions which result in you taking, or not taking this information into your life!
There are three main reasons why someone would cheat:
1) Her personality. Some people cheat all the time, some people never cheat. Most people fall between those two ranges.
2) The quality of the relationship. Ie. are you taking care of her social, emotional and sexual needs.
3) The specific social situation. She's out with friends, you're not there, drinking partying etc, something could happen.
To put it bluntly, if you met a girl who was seeing someone else and she cheated with you. Then you start dating, but you don't spend quality time together, don't listen to her problems and don't fulfil her in the bedroom. One night she goes out with her friends, has too much to drink. Her group meets up with a bunch of cool people who invite them back to their place for a jaquzzi party. One of the guys there is good looking, confident, cocky and giving her lots of attention, well then you're pretty much screwed. She's going to cheat!
So how do you avoid that?
I'll deal with this from a male point of view since we're mostly men here. What most guys do is they focus on point 3. They become possesive and jealous. This is so counter productive I can't even begin to describe it. Basically jealousy becomes a self fulfilling prophesy. The last thing in the world you want to do is hound her about who she's with, what she doing etc. etc. If she says she's going on a girls night you don't question her about it? She's a grown woman and doesn't need to report her doings to you. All you need to say to her is "Hope you have a fantastic night." Number 3 is out of your control (As always there are exceptions. Something major like going out to do drugs would be one of mine, in which case you need to be a man and tell her it's unacceptible, not by fighting and arguing, but by stating your point, being strong and unemotional about the way you do it).
Onto point 1. How do you know if you're with a girl who cheats or not. It's actually really simple. You ask her. Not when you're in the relationship already of course, but when you're getting to know her and trying to decide if she's someone you'd like to get involved with. I usually play the questions game when I meet someone I'm attracted to. And besides all the other weird questions I like to ask, I always slip in the "Have you ever cheated on a partner question?" If she says yes she's cheated with just about all the men she's dated, then you should expect that she'll do that with you too. Women are surprisingly honest, especially when you're not in a relationship yet.
Now onto the quality of the relationship. This to me is the most important aspect in whether someone will cheat or not, and luckily for us, it's the one we can best control. I could write pages on this, but for now just the basics. I'll warn you ahead of time that if you're a feminist you're probably not going to like what I'm saying, but your girlfriend will respond to it very positively.
Be a man. You're not some metro half girl guy, you're the man in the relationship. Be confident, positive, enjoy your life, and most importantly make her feel like a woman. Make decisions, don't ask her what she wants to do tonight, or where you should go for dinner. Never say "I don't mind, I'll do whatever you want to do. NEVER! Tell her "We're going to check out the new Mozambiquen place, you'll love it" or say "It's a surprise.". Women love surprises. Now don't be a jerk, if she really wants to do something you can do it. Taking turns picking things works quite well, just don't wuss out on your turn.
Then you need to work on trust in the relationship. She needs to trust that you won't hurt her, won't judge her and will take care of her. How do you get that trust? Well mainly by doing those things. Also don't let her get you to break that trust. Don't speak badly about your exes else she won't trust that you won't about her if you're over. Also keep your emotions in check. Don't lose it with things. Be in control of your life and handle issues that come your way with control. When she comes to you with problems, listen to her. You don't have to solve her problems, in fact she'd probably prefer it if you didn't, but just be there for her.
Then into the bedroom. A woman who is completely satisfied will very rarely cheat. This is a public group, and not a sex discussion board so I won't go into too many details. Mainly, as in the rest of your life be a man and make her feel like a woman! Foreplay starts way earlier for women than for men. We're pretty much ready the minute we see naked flesh, women need to warm up a little. I like to start before you even head out. If she's just walked out of the bathroom, probably an hour late, tell her she looks stunning, push her against the wall kiss her passionaltely and whisper into her ear "I already can't wait to get you home, the things I'm going to do to you...", then take her hand and lead her to the car for a great night out. I love that line, can't remember where I saw it but it's fantastic. Then when you're out, touch her discreetly. Women loved to be touched and teased when there's no way you can get sexual. Get her into a private dark corner, slide your hands under her clothes and all over her body and get her gasping... You want to get her all hot and bothered so she'll melt when you do get home. And in bed you don't need to ask if she want's to do x or y. Be a man and do it. Flip her over. Pick her up and push her against a wall. Women love a strong man in the bedroom.
Don't be scared to push the boundaries. A lot of the time they're secretly hoping you will.
Last edited:
