Chemotherapy

It sounds like you're still staying strong, wrathex. That's great! I hope your journey brings you more joy than sorrow and that you're able to close the chapters you need to. Keep rockin'!
 
Here I am going through a divorce and someone is going through this. I should NEVER EVER complain about my small problems. EVER.
 
I wish you well with the rest of your journey, one day, somewhere we shall meet. May your soul flourish and embrace complete freedom when that time comes.
 
Hang in there!

wrathex said:
I have already completed 5 weeks of radiation and got a one week break to rest and become calm (in this week of rest my debit card was skimmed lol,) as I start with chemo this coming Monday, I will get it by drip in heavy dosage of Interferon alfa-2b every day for the next 5 weeks.

I go in at 4pm on Monday afternoon. I just called my oncology unit to ask whether I should cut my hair, I was told, no that I will lose a little hair and get some thinning of hair, but hair and nausea will be the least of my problems. I was advised that on Monday evening I will feel like I am dying, and that my first chemo treatment will be the worst and that if I survive that :erm:, then afterwards everything will go better !

It does not help that I have read too much about this medication, so much so that every cell in my body wants me to run in the opposite direction.

From the data I've gathered and from my most cynical interpretation of it - is that cancer is cured by killing the patient.

I've been getting butterflies since Wednesday about this. I am scared, more so than at any other time of my life for or about anything, it is a deep fear, I fear that I will not survive the chemo itself, and that if I do, I will have chemobrain afterwards, which is a condition of cognitive malfunction, which I already have on a psychiatric level.

Quick Summary of Interferon alfa-2b

I am downloading music to my chemo playlist, ambient, and psy ambient, I think it matches the poison, I have to lie down for three hours while the drip drips, and its total escape from reality that I'm after - the music MUST transport me.

If I survive to tell the tale, I shall forthwith be known as Wrathex the Conan !

For I go to do battle at Mordor, the dark forces assail me and I shall not surrender that which is so dear to me - my beloved friends !

____________________________
:twisted: Oh and to the onlooking extraterrestrials, sies on you, for letting me suffer like this, you could cure me, but you hunker behind your First Contact Laws, watching humanity wriggle about in confusion, when I ascend, there's going to be hell to pay, when I signed up to be a walk-in advocate for humanity, I had no idea that you would literally make me suffer in so many little ways, just wait till I come back, in the next spiral galaxy - you're doing the 'walk-in' buddy !
Click to expand...

Look at this:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0psJhQHk_GI

Rick Simpson cured his cancer with hemp. It is a true story.
I also know for a fact cancer cannot survive in an alkaline environment, it needs an acidic environment. So anything that will make your body more alkaline will be very helpfull. Like BasePowder, melons, water-melons etc.
Best of luck!
 
nothing can replace the short amount of time i have known you and the bravery you have shown in that time. i am honored to have met you and have read your journey. *hugs*
 
You are amazing wrathex. So many other people would have completely disintegrated emotionally by now.

My dad was diagnosed with cancer about a year ago and he passed away a month ago. It is still unreal, it all happened so suddenly, I though he was going to be with us for years and years to come and I thought he would see my little baby girl grow up; sadly not. He loved her so much, he called her his diamond and he was so proud of her. That is one of my biggest regrets: that he will miss out on her life.
 
wrathex, if it helps, know that every time someone somewhere in the world Googles for cancer, chemo and radiotherapy, they are (continually) finding your thread, reading your posts, and being inspired just as you continue to inspire all of us with your courage and strength :)
 
Hey Heksie, dalk nog 'n meetup dan! Waar is daai Shake&Bake?
 
smiley_hrt-hugs.gif


sending you love, strength, courage and a big hug...
 
I always get a lump in my throat when I read your posts, not because life can be so cruel, but because I wish I was a quarter of the woman you are.

Go well Wrathex.
 
wrathex, not sure if you've mentioned any before but I would like to know what organisations/charities you support.
 
Thanks you for your support and continued interest

Thank you everyone for your support, interest and comments,
this thread is helpful to me, as I can emerge from my reclusive
state to reach out and chat a bit here.

I know there is one question people are curious to hear an answer to,
but they are too shy and polite to ask.

What does it feel like to know you are going to be dead soon ?

You experience a chaotic mixture of emotions that bubble outwards
from your core self.

The core self is alone, it is just you.
Family, friends and children are not relevent in the core self.

You are suddenly on your own, a unique standalone intelligent lifeform
confronted with an inevitable shutdown.

The first thing you do is panic of course, how else do you get to
the calming down and laughing at yourself part ?

How did I panic ?
I had racing thoughts, a driving urge, I wanted to get my affairs in order immediately.
I wrote a Will and an 'After My Death Admin Document'.

Doing the above admin calmes you down.
You feel you are still in control.

(you are still in control, but the knowledge of
the impending shutdown makes you somehow
feel that you are no longer in control, Time
is now in control, your Time is limited and
incredibly valuable.)

You feel vindicated that you got the admin out of the way
you feel that you can now get on with dying without worrying about it.

People are surrounding you and being very helpful and engaging,
but you are receding, you are already detaching, retreating.

If you are a parent, you will experience many hours of thoughts about their
mysterious futures, you will mourn for their future mistakes and heartaches in
advance, you will cry for them and for yourself, because you wanted to be
there for them.

I feel relatively calm and positive about my daughter 25 and son 19,
as I was a full time parent (all in all I got to spend more time with my kids in
my lifetime - so very very fortunate)

Why relatively calm ?
Well, I can't help thinking about the general future they will be experiencing,
the dangers and tremendous challenges they will face in their lifetimes concerning
the big stuff like climate change to the planet, and I think about the small stuff;
will they choose to have a child ?

You read as much as you can about the physical/health aspect of your
upcoming shutdown, this helps you calm down or panic or both.

Eg: You try to calculate your countdown yourself, you want to pin it down,
you do not want to hear terms like: One year maybe one and a half to two, everyone is different.

Oncologists are vague especially when telling patient their diagnosis - which you have to ask to hear, they want you to remain positive and are always telling you about the one person who lived on for 16 months (managing to omit the obvious demise of the others lol)

There are times you feel sorry for yourself.
Suddenly you don't have a future.

The loss of the time I thought I would
have in the future, is a big loss to me.

Fortunately I have lived a very passionate
and instense life up to now and my history
Time is well compressed, rich and extremely dense.

I have decided to dose myself well with painkillers
towards the end, at home in bed is what I want,
in my family home, where I raised my children
and can sit under trees I planted, in the quiet
country village of Darling.

A good friend, an artist will live with me in the big old Victorian,
he cooks and will be my caretaker - at the end.

I am going to garden, read, play, sit, cook, bake,
walk, write, chain smoke,

Ultimately, you feel more and more alone as time passes,
you are preparing your final journey, you alone.

I am enjoying life just now, in fact,
I do exactly as I please at all times lol

I eat ice cream/chocolate/lamb chops and potatoes at 3am,
I game till I fall asleep. I sit in the sun and thousand yard stare
and think about everything.
smilies1619.gif


You want to depart with dignity.
Without drama or suffering to others.

You have existed !

________________________________________
Time to experience something truelly unknown.
When my cerebral super computer shuts down and releases my unique quantum signature into the ether

* The SPCA
 
Dear Wrathex

Thank you for your unselfish openness.

I think your responses on this thread will be of great help to anyone who has to go through this in future. You are inspirational. :)

Much love and many hugs.

V
 
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