Dementia is a beatch

Yeah so since the weekend I have been sleeping in the outbuilding no problem, took a day or two. But I got her to get use to the 8pm bedtime 7am wake cycle now. Also no more arguing about sleeping about the out building. It has done wonders for my mood. During office hours I now close my door, headphones on the end, go check on her every hour on the hour, and that is about it, at night a sit with her for awhile before sleeping time have a chat ect and off to bed.

Much easier to deal and handle her now, most important get a routine going, once you have that going to, it is a lot smoother. Just thankful bowel movements is regular, clean up is a beatch but I am now setup for that at least, disposable linen, gloves, liquid soap ect. Still times where she is still a pain in the ass, but it is at least miles better now for me and her.

Some thing I noticed is that some behavioral traits get amplified with dementia and not the good ones either lol. Not a single word from my family except brothers.......go figure.

On the other side of things, I have been prepping all the paperwork, checking details are correct on policies and updating them as needed.

Finally got the last of the bills for the hospital stay, ambulance, doctors visits, wheel chairs ect, medical aid covered all of it, no gap cover needed this time, a cool 60k+ for a 7 day hospital stay on the medical ward.Wounds on arms are healing nicely got supplements to boost healing and immunity/

Only thing I need now is getting proper antiseptic soap, shyte goes everywhere in a nappy last thing I need now is to deal with a bladder infection in winter......
 
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Look after yourself first. Do not take anything personal, don't argue. Get someone to help, even its one day a week to give you a break.
 
The shyte never ends had to call an ambulance this afternoon, due to GI bleed, bleeding profusely, and having the runs for most of the day......GI bleeds are no joke, and with the added runs, she needs to be on a drip to put the fluids back she lost, normal intake would not have done the job.
 
I’ve told the wife if I ever get dementia; take me out back with a shotgun.

OP stay strong. I can’t imagine this being easy at all. Sorry
 
Stay strong dude.. And much respect for what you're doing, I can only imagine how hard it is..
 
Priapus said:
I’ve told the wife if I ever get dementia; take me out back with a shotgun.

OP stay strong. I can’t imagine this being easy at all. Sorry
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The last two weeks or so has been too bad actually, having a routing helps a lot. That said it is like a having a full time job, by the end of the day you are pretty much mentally drained and tired, she didn't have an off switch.My brother was here this weekend, and I thought I would get a break. F no, she didn't trust him to do anything, not a nappy or moving her to the wheel chair, or couch nothing, still had to do every thing.lol Trust issues........

And today was the worse nappy day I have ever experienced, that shyte wasn't kosher lol, went everywhere and had to do several layers of linen savers and just peeled them as I went about, dead of winter I needed several windows open just to clear the air.

You have no idea how much of a blessing it is at night just to switch off and not give a f about anything, the outbuilding has saved me a lot this past few weeks, just need to get it more comfortable, last few days I have been taking a power nap after lunch as well, that small break has done wonders.

I have no idea how bad the bleed is or where the bleeding is coming from, just know it was a lot, and not something that I could leave till tomorrow, all manner of horrible things could happen in a short span of leaving it till tomorrow, sepsis, infection ect, ect. At least I was better prepared this time around and had medical aid, ID, medications and overnight bag ready and all the information on hand. I rather not fk around and find out with the GI bleed it might not be immediately life threatening dangerous, but wait and see isn't a great idea either. But yeah same shyte different day, it never rains it pours and that shyte.

Thankfully she has her phone with her this time so she can call me when she needs to, in may she was too weak and took several days even back home before she fully recovered. Sigh she just about got her strength and appetite back been slowly getting her to walk again with assistance, would hate to see it go to waste again sigh
 
They found the GI bleed, was an upper GI bleed, should go into surgery today or tomorrow..... In other news MOTHER FKERS tried this morning to break into the house at 5:30......so been spending most of the morning fixing and reinforcing the shyte that they broke.......and now I am not sure I will get a wink of sleep till I am sure they won't try this shyte again...................

FML !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
 
wizardofid said:
They found the GI bleed, was an upper GI bleed, should go into surgery today or tomorrow..... In other news MOTHER FKERS tried this morning to break into the house at 5:30......so been spending most of the morning fixing and reinforcing the shyte that they broke.......and now I am not sure I will get a wink of sleep till I am sure they won't try this shyte again...................

FML !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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You’d think going through what you’re going through with your mom, life would cut you some slack . I’m sorry man. Keep going. You’re doing great.
 
wizardofid said:
They found the GI bleed, was an upper GI bleed, should go into surgery today or tomorrow..... In other news MOTHER FKERS tried this morning to break into the house at 5:30......so been spending most of the morning fixing and reinforcing the shyte that they broke.......and now I am not sure I will get a wink of sleep till I am sure they won't try this shyte again...................

FML !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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Sorry to hear, as the saying goes when it rains it pours. It will get better though and we wish you luck.
 
zulucat said:
You’d think going through what you’re going through with your mom, life would cut you some slack . I’m sorry man. Keep going. You’re doing great.
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Yeah they broke a window in the garage, which woke me up, if they got in the window, I am unsure whether I would have been here....They broke a gate as well, so had to fix that, and the window, and added an extra flat bar on the windows, just to make it harder, and added a horizontal metal bar and bolted and welded on some brackets between the house and garage door. Perhaps overkill, but always good to have more than one layer.....

Some thing like this

Aluminum+Door+Bar.jpg

Just need them to make noise
 
supersunbird said:
Make sure the will is actually where it should be. That is something I learnt.
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Yeah I know where everything is and have it with me.....I have all the documents, ranging from divorce papers, funeral policy, of course the will made sure it is also up to date signed correctly. Speaking of wills, she actually spoke about doing a new will and leaving everything to me, substantial amount, which was previously split between brothers, she feels kinda guilty to some extend, about having to take care of her including the nappies, and crap, and the one brother having done sweet fk all to date.

But said nah it is okay.........don't want resentment from the brother that has done fk all to date. My brother that has actually helped out said I should do it, he isn't concerned about who gets what, and grasps what a undertaking it is to take care of a elderly person......
 
Found out no surgery.......too much risk for infections and shyte, just treating with medication...............That is good news at least, I am not sure she would survive surgery.......she is a high risk patient, with hypertension and all that.
 
Dementia is the toughest of things to go through... try remember that it isn't them speaking or doing the things they are doing, the outburst the tantrums etc. the pills the docs give for dementia keep them awake for days which makes hallucinations even worse. Losing one's mind is the toughest thing, not knowing where they are or even who they are or when!
The other family members not helping (I'll bite my tongue but you can guess the smoke coming from my nostrils...)

With regards to the will etc, just double check with someone with regards to when it was updated / amended, same with any policy. The woodwork family comes out when someone passes, if they have been removed then they can say her mindset wasn't 100% and can argue the will. I really hope you get 99.9% of the will and the other non helping members get an old nappy. Family members will come after everything, and I mean everything! from the kitchen contents to a chair / painting etc.. discuss this with all of them and have everything in writing (I find almost no one does this)

Don't give up, you are all she has.... it is like a very difficult unpredictable child, just take it one step at a time.
 
Wrath of Khan said:
Dementia is the toughest of things to go through... try remember that it isn't them speaking or doing the things they are doing, the outburst the tantrums etc. the pills the docs give for dementia keep them awake for days which makes hallucinations even worse. Losing one's mind is the toughest thing, not knowing where they are or even who they are or when!
The other family members not helping (I'll bite my tongue but you can guess the smoke coming from my nostrils...)

With regards to the will etc, just double check with someone with regards to when it was updated / amended, same with any policy. The woodwork family comes out when someone passes, if they have been removed then they can say her mindset wasn't 100% and can argue the will. I really hope you get 99.9% of the will and the other non helping members get an old nappy. Family members will come after everything, and I mean everything! from the kitchen contents to a chair / painting etc.. discuss this with all of them and have everything in writing (I find almost no one does this)

Don't give up, you are all she has.... it is like a very difficult unpredictable child, just take it one step at a time.
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Well the house and content is mine in the current will, the house is paid for and she has no outstanding debt...So relative straight forward will, I my self have added her to my funeral policy a few years back that increases 5% every year, and my brother that helps has her on a policy or two as well, she has her own policy but it is a stagnate policy that that doesn't increase at all which barely covers cremation, so we covered in the event of her death, which why is why I wasn't too bothered with a new will nor greedy...........deaths, wills and all that shyte.....I try and avoid as much as possible, it's ugly and have no intention of fighting over it. I will however say I am the one that maintained the house, did renovations, cut grass, all that shyte since 2007 and she has been an invalid since 90's, since we moved here in 2007 I have been mostly taking care of her in some capacity or another, and more and more as she declined and so I have no problem telling whoever wants a share of that to fk off. However she is still very much lucid, she has problems with new memories but old memories are mostly intact, if I want it changed it needs to be now rather than later......However it feels wrong and I am not a greedy person by nature. I do have friends in a town over that can witness if there needs to be a new will, and they well aware of her conditions. I can always draw up a new one that particularly places emphasis on the lucid and of sound mind and body and not done under duress of any kind would be hard to contest if you pay attention to that.

Yeah with regards to family, my brother that helps knows she is in hospital and me.....didn't bother telling anyone else, couldn't be bothered to tell them or send out a notice, they made it very clear in may when I asked for help, not necessarily for money they don't care.......So I don't care.

Whenever she takes her final breath, I am dead to the world for at least a year, no people, no nothing, just want to chill out relax and do my own thing, focusing on work and my self.


My problem now, when she comes back I won't be able to sleep in the outbuilding anymore with the recent break in, the house is more secure won't keep a determined ******* out it will give me some warning at least. From people I spoke there is a problem with break ins the informal settlement as well, young 16-17 year olds, looking for a quick snatch and grab to sell for easy money, so it is local a$$holes, so they can possibly monitor or have been monitoring me. After my mom went to hospital on Tuesday, I was already fked mentally, drew curtains on Wednesday and pretty much slept most of the day didn't even go outside Wednesday and Thursday was much of the same. So I guess they assumed nobody was home, or saw the ambulance on Tuesday night and assumed I was alone.

Either way I was one window away from serious trouble, I never lock my bedroom door or close it, was dead tired last night, locked the door for the first time in 20+ years and 15minutes later I was gone...........


Sigh just discovered I had two bursts on my water pipes, just finished fixing that shyte as well...............lol that shyte is minor thought 30 minutes job done. was -8 here last night
 
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Feel for you. Sorry you have to deal with this but I admire you for doing it! While this is hard you can live the rest of your life knowing you did not abandon the person who cared for you when you were helpless and made messy nappies.

I am involved in the care of an old friend with Dementia who has no family left in the country. Fortunately, she has a pension and can afford a care facility, so I mostly help out with finances these days but the period where we had to force her out of her flat and into a care facility was horrible. Despite it clearly being in her best interest she fought it tooth and nail and would call me 5 times a day after the move demanding to be moved back. Got very upsetting for my wife. Yesterday I had to take her to hospital after she fell at church cutting her head open. Took up most of my Sunday morning. She has refused to get a walker even though she needs it. Now I have to put my foot down and force it or stop taking her there (it's her one outing of the week and she loves it). Dealing with dementia patients is like dealing with particularly unreasonable children sometimes. You can't always negotiate, sometimes you just have to make the decision and make it happen. I know they can lash out after that and break things but it's part of the settling down process. Dementia patients are particularly bad at dealing with change.

Just a thought but for my friend she had what is called Sundowners I think the care home said. They get much much worse in the evenings and get very rude and nasty then. There were some meds that we organized via her doc to help her calm down in the evenings and once that got sorted things improved a lot so perhaps if you are not on that program speak to your doc. Medicated calmness is a kindness not just to you but for her too as they can hurt themselves while lashing out and screaming. It does not knock them out, just calms them through the worst period.
 
Cius said:
Feel for you. Sorry you have to deal with this but I admire you for doing it! While this is hard you can live the rest of your life knowing you did not abandon the person who cared for you when you were helpless and made messy nappies.

I am involved in the care of an old friend with Dementia who has no family left in the country. Fortunately, she has a pension and can afford a care facility, so I mostly help out with finances these days but the period where we had to force her out of her flat and into a care facility was horrible. Despite it clearly being in her best interest she fought it tooth and nail and would call me 5 times a day after the move demanding to be moved back. Got very upsetting for my wife. Yesterday I had to take her to hospital after she fell at church cutting her head open. Took up most of my Sunday morning. She has refused to get a walker even though she needs it. Now I have to put my foot down and force it or stop taking her there (it's her one outing of the week and she loves it). Dealing with dementia patients is like dealing with particularly unreasonable children sometimes. You can't always negotiate, sometimes you just have to make the decision and make it happen. I know they can lash out after that and break things but it's part of the settling down process. Dementia patients are particularly bad at dealing with change.

Just a thought but for my friend she had what is called Sundowners I think the care home said. They get much much worse in the evenings and get very rude and nasty then. There were some meds that we organized via her doc to help her calm down in the evenings and once that got sorted things improved a lot so perhaps if you are not on that program speak to your doc. Medicated calmness is a kindness not just to you but for her too as they can hurt themselves while lashing out and screaming. It does not knock them out, just calms them through the worst period.
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Yeah lol i have dealt with unreasonable demands before, she phoned me from hospital last night, I need to bring her something right now, lol I am 150km away from the hospital, like no.....lol But house doctor did prescribe her some Haloperidol.

But we are working towards getting her in a home, just have to wait a bit, found a place willing to take her and it is a reasonable price as well, just have to wait a bit till we can increase the pension to decrease the shortfall a wee bit, but only able to increase it once a year and it is another couple of months away. But we might have to pull the trigger sooner depending her condition and how well her health holds up, as she might need to be much closer to medical care in future.

Apparently the stomach ulcer was pretty massive and a miracle it didn't perforate........
 
Careful of drawing down the pension too fast if it is depleting the capital. Say her pension is 15K but sustainable. If you increase it to 20K it draws into the capital much faster and in a few years you will find you have a much bigger hole to full. Rather full a 2-3K hole now sustainably than deal with a 20K hole down the road. Unfortunately even with frail people they can sometimes hold on surprisingly long to life. I prefer staying at a sustainable level if possible.
 
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