Divorce question

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Fuma

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So me and wife are divorcing. We went to the magistrate's court together and submitted the forms. We were married in COP but she didn't want to claim anything that I bought (House, car, furniture, etc) and she didn't want spousal support. We signed everything and submitted the stuff to the sheriff together and I got everything done there.

We have a son (18 months old) together. We agreed that she should have custody of him and I will be supporting him financially (Med aid, food, clothes, etc). Everything went peacefully. We are still waiting for everything to be confirmed and and.

Can she then change her mind and claim for spousal support though she has a job that is not paying so badly? I find spousal support unfair, more especially if you can prove that she should be able to support herself.

I'm hoping it does not get nasty from now on.
 
Fuma said:
I find spousal support unfair, more especially if you can prove that she should be able to support herself.
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This issue gets thrashed out when the parties enter into a settlement agreement. The party who wants alimony (normally the wife) must show why she does not/cannot support herself. Example: she was a housewife all her life and has no decent education or skills. That would her get her more alimony than a woman who is highly educated and employed or employable.
 
Get a lawyer anyway. She should to. Just to manage everything and keep it fair. You'll both thank me later.
 
Geriatrix said:
Get a lawyer anyway. She should to. Just to manage everything and keep it fair. You'll both thank me later.
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Eish. I wanted to avoid them like the plague. We haven't involved them so far, but I have a feeling I will need one.
 
Fuma said:
So me and wife are divorcing. We went to the magistrate's court together and submitted the forms. We were married in COP but she didn't want to claim anything that I bought (House, car, furniture, etc) and she didn't want spousal support. We signed everything and submitted the stuff to the sheriff together and I got everything done there.

We have a son (18 months old) together. We agreed that she should have custody of him and I will be supporting him financially (Med aid, food, clothes, etc). Everything went peacefully. We are still waiting for everything to be confirmed and and.

Can she then change her mind and claim for spousal support though she has a job that is not paying so badly? I find spousal support unfair, more especially if you can prove that she should be able to support herself.

I'm hoping it does not get nasty from now on.
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How come you agreed to support the child and now changed your attitude about it? :confused: Why can't she also change her mind then. The best answer in this case would be decided by judges as they take the child's well being first and foremost as well as the fact that you also have responsibilities towards this child unless you sign the child off permanently and have nothing to do with it in future.
 
Geriatrix said:
Get a lawyer anyway. She should to. Just to manage everything and keep it fair. You'll both thank me later.
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While you do it immicably both of you should get the same lawyer.
The most important thing is that settlement agreement. Let the lawyer draw it up while you are both present.
If you both agree all your problems are sorted.
The lawyer will obtain a supreme court date. The lawyer may appear for one of you. The one who issued summons, you two must decide who is going to sue. He might appoint a advocate to represent the suing party.
The party who appears in court must testify why the marriage broke up and that their is no change of reconciling.
Whalla. The judge will make your agreement an order of the court and declare you divorced.
Costs; 7-10K.
Strongs. I went through it.
 
Getafix said:
While you do it immicably both of you should get the same lawyer.
The most important thing is that settlement agreement. Let the lawyer draw it up while you are both present.
If you both agree all your problems are sorted.
The lawyer will obtain a supreme court date. The lawyer may appear for one of you. The one who issued summons, you two must decide who is going to sue. He might appoint a advocate to represent the suing party.
The party who appears in court must testify why the marriage broke up and that their is no change of reconciling.
Whalla. The judge will make your agreement an order of the court and declare you divorced.
Costs; 7-10K.
Strongs. I went through it.
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The same attorney for both parties? I think not.
 
wily me said:
How come you agreed to support the child and now changed your attitude about it?
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I think you are confusing spousal support and child support. Did I say I don't want to support my child?
 
wily me said:
How come you agreed to support the child and now changed your attitude about it? :confused: Why can't she also change her mind then. The best answer in this case would be decided by judges as they take the child's well being first and foremost as well as the fact that you also have responsibilities towards this child unless you sign the child off permanently and have nothing to do with it in future.
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Where? From what I'm reading he's agreed to child support but only has an issue with spousal support which is something completely different.
 
Fuma said:
Eish. I wanted to avoid them like the plague. We haven't involved them so far, but I have a feeling I will need one.
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Refrain from getting in a argument and both getting lawyers to solve it.
It is only the lawyers that make money because you two can't settle.
They will be writing letters to each other and to you costing at least R250.00 per letter.
That is R500.00 taking instruction from you for the letter. R250.00 sending the letter. R250.00 from the opposing lawyer writing the same letter to your spouse. R500.00 for taking instructions from her, R250.00 for writing a letter to your lawyer. You can add the rest.
Easy running into X 100K.
Eventually the two of you will have to agree. Use both your brains and do it before hand and spend your money on your kid.
Strongs.
 
Fuma said:
she didn't want to claim anything that I bought (House, car, furniture, etc) and she didn't want spousal support.
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When everything is finalised please send her over.

on a serious note glad it went smoothly.As the saying goes a bad marriage is sometimes better than a good divorce.
 
Fuma said:
I think you are confusing spousal support and child support. Did I say I don't want to support my child?
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Ok, sorry then but even that have to be officially resolved now as it can come back and bite you later. Once you agreed to support it does not take much effort from her to increase that support to some outrageous value with falsified claims to support he lifestyle. Also consider the fact that you may have a new life soon and maybe father more children. You do not want them to suffer in future on the account of the first born to suit your ex's lifestyle. Yes it's true they tend to later use your child support for financing their own lifestyle and not use it necessarily for the support of your child only. Anything can happen in future, she may become unable to support your child and even herself and then rely on you.
 
blunomore said:
The same attorney for both parties? I think not.
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It seems they originaly were able to sort it.

In a later post I tried to explain.

If they are not arguing it is stupid to use lawyers. Use one to assist you both with the legal technicalities.

It is just as stupid to argue through lawyers.

And...... I know it is not a perfect world. That is why lawyers are making a living.
 
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bwana said:
Where? From what I'm reading he's agreed to child support but only has an issue with spousal support which is something completely different.
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Misunderstanding, see my last post.
 
wily me said:
Ok, sorry then but even that have to be officially resolved now as it can come back and bite you later. Once you agreed to support it does not take much effort from her to increase that support to some outrageous value with falsified claims to support he lifestyle. Also consider the fact that you may have a new life soon and maybe father more children. You do not want them to suffer in future on the account of the first born to suit your ex's lifestyle. Yes it's true they tend to later use your child support for financing their own lifestyle and not use it necessarily for the support of your child only. Anything can happen in future, she may become unable to support your child and even herself and then rely on you.
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Surely I can buy the stuff that the child needs instead of sending money?
 
Fuma said:
Surely I can buy the stuff that the child needs instead of sending money?
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Rather agree on a fixed amount of money to pay every month. It might be tricky keeping up with the child's everyday needs when you don't have custody.
 
If you have a minor child and are married in COP get an attorney. Based on what I have read so far, your divorce is going to be bounced by the magistrtate.

Do you have a settlement agreement?
Have you seen the Family Advocate?
Have you agreed to a specific sum in support?
What if the child requires more?
What if she pays for some items and asks for compensation?
Will the kid be on a medical aid? Which one? How comprehensive?
What school will the child be going to? What if you differ?
What if she re-marries and moves away how will you visit the child?
If she has a child by another man won't it bother you that she might be supporting the other child with your cash?

If you answer any of the above questions with the words "I assume" or "I think" or " "I hope" then you are in for 2 decades of stress. Good luck.

FYI spousal maintenance is a right. You/she cannot contract out of it.
 
shame Fuma, you sound like a great guy on the forums, i'm sorry that this is happening to you
 
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