Emotional Abusive Relationshis

BrianStephan

BrianStephan

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I know of someone thats in a emotional abusive relationship I just cant stand by anymore and watch her being broken down is there anyway to get her to see what is happening?
This guy has walked out on her 4 times and she keeps taking him back apart from the other 100 things he does which I wont go into.
 
You can tell her what you think and that's really about it. She must make the decision
 
Is she the proverbial hot blonde and is he the typical alpha male bad boy?
I'm trying to establish common dynamics.
 
I do but here is what happenend he walked out on her before they were supposed to get married in Dec used the I dont like your parents excuse. I got together with her and then suddenly he wanted her back so now she had to choose between me or him and she chose to follow her heart and that was him but as I said he is emotionally abusing her.
 
BrianStephan said:
so now she had to choose between me or him and she chose to follow her heart and that was him.
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ouch that sucks balls! You're not in her heart at all... looks like you're the one being abused!
 
BrianStephan said:
I do but here is what happenend he walked out on her before they were supposed to get married in Dec used the I dont like your parents excuse. I got together with her and then suddenly he wanted her back so now she had to choose between me or him and she chose to follow her heart and that was him but as I said he is emotionally abusing her.
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That is your view of the situation, which is obviously jaded by the fact that you want her.

If it was bad enough she would leave him.
 
I was in an emotional abusive relationship myself so I know the signs and the red flags and I can promise you its comes up all over the place in this relationship and no my view is not jaded always look at things from the outside in not from the inside out thats where your view can get jaded
 
BrianStephan said:
I was in an emotional abusive relationship myself so I know the signs and the red flags and I can promise you its comes up all over the place in this relationship and no my view is not jaded always look at things from the outside in not from the inside out thats where your view can get jaded
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your gf used to abuse you ...how big was she

the issue here is that i have always realised that you cannot help them...for some reason they dont see abuse as abuse ...so yeah
 
Tell me then since you've been there yourself, what could anybody have said to you short of Clockwork Orange style deprogramming that could have convinced you to leave the relationship when you were in the middle of it? You can go and beat him to a pulp but that won't do anything but drive her closer to him.
 
Size has nothing to do with it lol. I was lucky to fall upon a website that explained exactly what it is and how to spot it. But it seems to be allot more difficult showing someone else that has been brainwashed to her extent. Its got nothing to do about losing her its she has allot more to lose and get stuck in that abyss all woman fall into for the rest of their lives thats what is worrying me
 
Well, your motives aren't really as pure as you'd wish them to appear but that's ok, I reckon very little of what we do comes out of a genuinely pure motive. You must accept that even if she leaves him, it absolutely doesn't mean she'll end up back with you though. She already chose to leave you for someone else, so her feelings for you only really go a certain extent and no further.

Destructive relationships are based on some kind of mutual need fulfilment. And because the parties don't understand exactly what it is they're getting out of the relationship, that makes them unable to leave it. They don't know how to be fulfilled otherwise, so they just return to the same cycles. The only real way to break out of it is through self-knowledge. If you have been through it yourself, you have some idea of what drives her to stay in that situation. I guess you have talked to her already though or you wouldn't be here?
 
I have yes on various occasions guess it comes down to how hard can you hit your head against a brick wall
 
It sounds a bit like this relationship is actually abusive towards you. You've done what you can for her. I wouldn't want to see someone I cared about in that situation either but there isn't much more you can do. Get some distance, preferably a different relationship where you can obtain some objectivity towards her.
 
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