It's this one isn't it.
How relationship abuse happens - Very good read
It usually starts very subtly as stuff that seems "extra sweet." He doesn't want you to spend time with your friends because he loves you so much he wants to be with you all the time. Then he picks your clothes because "he just wants everyone to see how beautiful you are." So when you don't do your hair right or your makeup right and you get slapped or hit it's your fault for not appreciating all the time and money he has put in to helping you look your very best. Eventually it turns into him helping you look acceptable (because he can't keep telling you you're beautiful and expect you to put up with his crap). He's doing his best with a crappy canvas. (Obviously, it doesn't have to be your looks/clothes - it can be anything about you.. this is just an example). It very slowly escalates until you feel like everything he does to you is your fault. You weren't good enough. You didn't do enough, you didn't love him enough (because he loves you soooooooo much more than you love him, so there's some guilt to pile on there too), and he's just trying to help you become a better person. Your friends and family just don't understand your love because they've never had a "real" love like this. Etc. Etc. Once you are isolated, he can tell you almost anything and you believe it. You have no input from anywhere else to tell you differently. You become frightened that no one else will love you, because the one person who does thinks you're hopeless, ugly, stupid, dull, etc etc. So you don't leave. You're scared that you will be all alone, and that seems unbearable after having someone provide you with input on how to be a person day in and day out for so long.
And once the relationship ends, for whatever reason, you cannot re-integrate instantly. You're not used to having friends, so even if you manage to connect with someone, you don't know how to be a friend or have a friend. You don't know how to go through your day without your abusive ex telling you how to. And so there is a good chance you become the crazy ex. Everything you do requires his input, because that's how it's been for so long. You text, call, show up randomly, because you don't know how to make decisions without him. He made sure of that.
Girls fall for it because we were told all our lives to find a man who would treat us like a princess. That's the dumbest thing we can tell our daughters. Find a man who treats you like a person. A thinking, feeling person. Because when an abusive man finds a girl and puts her on a pedestal (as they usually do in the beginning) she feels like she's being treated like a princess. The changes happen slowly, and by the time she realizes she's being treated like ****, she thinks she deserves it.
EDIT: Holy crap I didn't expect this many responses. So. Yes, this absolutely can be gender neutral. I used the male and female pronouns based on my own experience and the question I was answering. Guys can abuse girls, girls can abuse guys, guys can abuse guys, and girls can abuse girls.
If you're in a relationship like this, I urge you to have a heart to heart with your closest friends or family. If you don't have friends, go back to your family. Even if you think you can't.
To answer a couple questions I saw repeated below, what do you do if it's your friend/family member? Be there. Always be there. There's really nothing else you can do, until the victim is ready to acknowledge what's going on.
A note to the people saying when the first sign of physical abuse happens, you leave... that would be the ideal response. Unfortunately by the time things get physical in a situation like this, it's too late. A victim is left feeling they have no where and no one to go to. The person causing them pain is the only person they have to go to. Also, realize that often physical abuse is very "minor." It may happen once or twice a year. The abuser may lock themselves in a bathroom after, crying and screaming that they're a horrible person and threatening to kill themselves. They may offer to take the victim to the hospital, all the while also guilt tripping them by saying things like, "I'll go to jail, I deserve to go to jail, you'll have to sell the house, though, and move back in with your parents, and probably sell the car and your stuff..." etc etc. In the height of all the emotions and the physical pain, it is very hard for a victim to leave in the midst of that. Especially if, again, they feel they have nowhere to go. If they feel that not only have they lost themselves, they're in danger of losing their lover, their home, and their possessions... a person can only handle so much at a time.
Finally, for anyone curious, yes, I am in a great relationship with a wonderful, amazing man now. It is in a large part due to his patience and love that I am where I am today. And thanks to him, I finally realized that I should wake up every day happy about my life, not stressed about what the day will bring with my SO. No more walking on eggshells.
EDIT2: Great website for those of you needing some validation that your feelings are not crazy, or for those of you trying to help someone in an abusive relationship, contributed in the comments below. Adding it here so everyone sees it: http://youarenotcrazy.com/
check it out!
EDIT3: tl;dr ... Abuse is an insidious process that often starts off with the abuser being overly sweet and attentive while methodically isolating the victim and destroying their self esteem. By the time it gets physical, they feel like they deserve it and can't get out or do better.
That is why even guys can be abused.
