Envy

blunomore

blunomore

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Do you ever feel envy if your friends/family members get/have something you want as well ?

Generally, if something good happens to someone close to me, I am happy for them, but I find some folks do not operate that way.

Example: I have been blessed to have traveled overseas many, many times. My friend has only gone once, for work purposes. I often feel guilty (for lack of a better word) telling her that we are going abroad on holiday again, so I do not divulge until she pointedly asks me what our holiday plans are. Maybe that is just the Calvinist in me :) Those times that I did tell her that we are going, she made a point of ignoring me or ignoring the references I made to our holiday. I guess she was envious and I just let that slide by.

So this September, she went on an organised tour of Europe and she has really rubbed this in. I have had to hear about this a million times. I indulged her and made a big fuss about her trip, buying her a travel guide, wishing her bon voyage a hundred times. I won't be travelling for a while, because of baby Blu, but it does not trouble me, because I have had my fair share of travel in my life.

I just find it odd that people would expect others to act in an unselfish way, whereas they choose to go the childish route. Odd!
 
Every time someone gets a phone with better specs than mine.

Edit: You're a Calvinist?
 
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I am often envious of people, but I'm not going to detract from their enjoyment because I want what they have, that's juvenile.
 
I deal with this alot. I have some freinds who I can phone and say "come over and look at my new 3d TV" and they'll come over and we will have a jol. Some other freinds I have to kind of break it to them easy.. They come over and ask "Is that a new tv?" and I'll say "what? that old thing? Ive had it for weeks.." Then they'll be all sullen and unhappy about their financial situation all night.

When I bought my BMW I had a friend that was so pssed off with me that he just said "f**k you man.. just f**k you..." when I told him on the phone. :D I just said " Dont b a p*ssy and come over for a drive" So he did.
 
This is something I struggle with.
You know that person in your group who's always last place and seemingly has the worst luck? That's me. Every time it seems like life may be cutting me a break it rips it away and laughs in my face about it.
I've come to terms with the fact that I'll always lag far behind the people in my life, that I'll never get to visit another country(or just go on a yearly holiday) and that I will never be able to really save or get a chance to improve my situation.
I'm envious of the people in my life but I try and never show it.

Maybe your friend was like me and she finally got a break. Maybe that's why she is so chuffed.
 
No not really, why be envious of your friends and family, they are your friends for a reason and well it's family and you want the best for them no?
 
blunomore said:
Do you ever feel envy if your friends/family members get/have something you want as well ?

Generally, if something good happens to someone close to me, I am happy for them, but I find some folks do not operate that way.

Example: I have been blessed to have traveled overseas many, many times. My friend has only gone once, for work purposes. I often feel guilty (for lack of a better word) telling her that we are going abroad on holiday again, so I do not divulge until she pointedly asks me what our holiday plans are. Maybe that is just the Calvinist in me :) Those times that I did tell her that we are going, she made a point of ignoring me or ignoring the references I made to our holiday. I guess she was envious and I just let that slide by.

So this September, she went on an organised tour of Europe and she has really rubbed this in. I have had to hear about this a million times. I indulged her and made a big fuss about her trip, buying her a travel guide, wishing her bon voyage a hundred times. I won't be travelling for a while, because of baby Blu, but it does not trouble me, because I have had my fair share of travel in my life.

I just find it odd that people would expect others to act in an unselfish way, whereas they choose to go the childish route. Odd!
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She's probably thrilled about it because it's new and exciting for her. I rate you should give her the benefit of the doubt, and if she does this again then you'll know for sure :)

On the point of the general question, there will always be somebody who has better stuff than you do, and it's human nature to be a little envious. But I'm the type of person who wishes my friends and family well, because I like to see the joy in their face when they work towards something and manage to achieve it. It motivates me to work towards something that I want, because I want to experience that feeling too. It doesn't pay to be miserable and jealous - you only have control of your own life, and not that of others, so make your life work for you.
 
I'm young and optimistic, but yeah, I often get a little envious... I would never get pissed off with anyone for being well-off or anything.

I've soon realised though, that everyone has got their own **** in their lives, and there's always someone WAAAY worse off than me!
 
I got over this a long long time ago.

Mother's side of the family were super rich (and afrikaans), dad's side was average english family (gran was a teacher, grandfather worked on trains).
So always got to visit the afrikaans cuzzins and get to watch them play with their toys.
 
Geriatrix said:
This is something I struggle with.
You know that person in your group who's always last place and seemingly has the worst luck? That's me. Every time it seems like life may be cutting me a break it rips it away and laughs in my face about it.
I've come to terms with the fact that I'll always lag far behind the people in my life, that I'll never get to visit another country(or just go on a yearly holiday) and that I will never be able to really save or get a chance to improve my situation.
I'm envious of the people in my life but I try and never show it.

Maybe your friend was like me and she finally got a break. Maybe that's why she is so chuffed.
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I know how you feel. I was that person. I do believe that sooner or later you will get that break. Just keep alert and grab it when it comes.

Everyone I know told me that I was making a bad decision when I got my break. I bought a business that was running at a dead loss, all the customers where getting cost +3% (except for the ex managers Uncle who was getting cost less 15%, but only because we delivered 50km away on his behalf :rolleyes: ).
It wasn't even making enough to pay me my old salary. I came in and raised everyone's prices. They all told me to shove it. Every single one. I just bit the bullet and kept going. Halfway thru the first month about 10 of the 50 odd customers where buying from me again. They had phoned around and realized that my prices where not bad compared to the market. After two months I made a turn at every one of the old customers and got most of them back. Today, 6 years later I still have 45 or so of those original customers. 4 went bang and the fifth is the ex managers uncle who somehow now thinks that he not only deserves 15% below cost, but 15% below 2005's cost :p.
I would say that I had a gut feel that this was the right thing to do, but that same gut feel left me out on the street once before and 10 steps back plenty other times.

Now the buddies that all had it together when I was looking for food handouts are the same ones that seem to have trouble with my success.
 
Blu please tell me you're being paid to create psych 101 case studies. Admittedly I'm guilty of all the same things, but still its kinda hilarious.

@Madman: Haha nice. So what exactly am I buying from you at cost -15%?
 
Madman88 said:
I know how you feel. I was that person. I do believe that sooner or later you will get that break. Just keep alert and grab it when it comes.

Everyone I know told me that I was making a bad decision when I got my break. I bought a business that was running at a dead loss, all the customers where getting cost +3% (except for the ex managers Uncle who was getting cost less 15%, but only because we delivered 50km away on his behalf :rolleyes: ).
It wasn't even making enough to pay me my old salary. I came in and raised everyone's prices. They all told me to shove it. Every single one. I just bit the bullet and kept going. Halfway thru the first month about 10 of the 50 odd customers where buying from me again. They had phoned around and realized that my prices where not bad compared to the market. After two months I made a turn at every one of the old customers and got most of them back. Today, 6 years later I still have 45 or so of those original customers. 4 went bang and the fifth is the ex managers uncle who somehow now thinks that he not only deserves 15% below cost, but 15% below 2005's cost :p.
I would say that I had a gut feel that this was the right thing to do, but that same gut feel left me out on the street once before and 10 steps back plenty other times.

Now the buddies that all had it together when I was looking for food handouts are the same ones that seem to have trouble with my success.
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Great story!! How old were you when you bought the company? (If you dont mind me asking of course)
 
So what's the difference between envy and jealousy and is it different when someone brags about something nice they have or they're modest about it?
 
Nonsense! Everyone should be envious of me!!! :twisted:

/stands in manly posture

Hehe :) I learned long ago novelty fades fast and satisfied needs are short lived so what is the point.

At most though I can be envious of talent.
 
HavocXphere said:
@Madman: Haha nice. So what exactly am I buying from you at cost -15%?
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:D Car batteries.

markface said:
Great story!! How old were you when you bought the company? (If you dont mind me asking of course)
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I was 29

DrYes said:
So what's the difference between envy and jealousy and is it different when someone brags about something nice they have or they're modest about it?
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Envy is better than jealousy afaik. Envy is also wanting what someone else has. ie: You have a BMW, I also want to have a BMW so I envy you.
Jealousy is when you want something instead of someone else having it. ie: You have a BMW, I want your BMW and I do not want you to have a BMW so I am jealous of you.

Thats how I have been taught the difference.
 
Geriatrix said:
This is something I struggle with.
You know that person in your group who's always last place and seemingly has the worst luck? That's me. Every time it seems like life may be cutting me a break it rips it away and laughs in my face about it.
I've come to terms with the fact that I'll always lag far behind the people in my life, that I'll never get to visit another country(or just go on a yearly holiday) and that I will never be able to really save or get a chance to improve my situation.
I'm envious of the people in my life but I try and never show it.

Maybe your friend was like me and she finally got a break. Maybe that's why she is so chuffed.
Click to expand...
That used to be us too, until I started 'seeing' differently. We have always had to work very hard for what we wanted, nothing handed to us and no lucky breaks...I have friends who inherited a k*k load of money, not once..but twice in a short period...at first i was very envious..although I used to put on a happy face everytime I went around to see the new 25k lounge suit custom made, the massive house I would never be able to afford to own blah blah, it hurt like hell. BUT, those very friends are now poor as church mice...huge debt...money all gone squandered....25k lounge suit sold for a fraction of what they paid, you get the gist.. I realised that sometimes its better not to get the things you wish for and im damn proud of all I have, simply for the very fact that we worked our arses off for it (not that I still dont play lotto and spend the money in my mind :D ). So no..at present I dont feel envious of anyone I know.

People shouldnt measure their success by the things they have but by what they have achieved, no matter how trivial.
PS: I must have heard that quote somewhere 'cos I cant believe I just made that up! :p
 
IMO:

I believe in modesty and would never brag unless someone is blatantly asking for it and making everyone else feel uncomfortable.

As for envy, all humans are greedy and want what they can't have. Some just place more emphasis and have the urge more than others. While material gain is nice, I believe (hope) that there are people who have a higher priority. Unfortunately, 90% prefer material gain above all else.
 
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