evil = Woman

I can't imagine how difficult this must be for you especially since it's the second time.
You deserve to be happy, with someone who loves you and is faithful.
 
Kick the bitch to the curb bud.

My mate's father was in a similar position but he had been married for many years and he had a vasectomy, then his wife fell pregnant and for the last 11 years he has stayed with it and ignored it.

I can tell you he has told my mate that he cannot help himself being hard on the kid as he resents her. Sadly he was not in a financial position to really get out of it.
 
DJ... said:
I'm no lawyer but I'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for interfering in a marriage. If that was the case, every bar in the country would have been sued by now...
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There was a story on carte blanche a few years back regarding disgruntled spouses suing the third party on the grounds of alienation of affection - the thing is, iirc, that the aggrieved has to prove that the third party actively pursued the spouse and that the marriage was marriage was solid before hand. Not an easy thing to prove.
killadoob said:
Kick the bitch to the curb bud.

My mate's father was in a similar position but he had been married for many years and he had a vasectomy, then his wife fell pregnant and for the last 11 years he has stayed with it and ignored it.

I can tell you he has told my mate that he cannot help himself being hard on the kid as he resents her. Sadly he was not in a financial position to really get out of it.
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I presume he had paternity tests done and isnt just relying on the fact that he had a vasectomy?
 
No he knows for sure she was with another man, he even knows who the man is. Regarding the test i don't know, i think he has just assumed the kid is not his, i doubt he has had the test done.
 
lexian said:
I Me and my partner had a child 11 months ago. Been happy but always suspected that something was wrong. I found out this week that she had an affair and my daughter is not mine.

... we were never intimate since she fell pregnant. I do love her and my daughter but how do u move past this?
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Sorry about that but you should think very hard about whether the two of you can stay together.
Chances are that if she has not let you near her since falling pregnant she was/is getting it elsewhere so it wasn't just a fling which might have been forgivable.
Lucky you're not married or she may have been still be able to screw you over for maintenance. At times like this we all find inner strengths and move on.
 
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grav80 said:
One of the toughest situations i have EVER been involved in...
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i'm sorry dude ...

edit: this is why we all need to grow up and realise that we're all human here on the forum and not just rabid racists/pedophiles/idiots, we all have things that matter to us
 
lexian said:
You right but here he sits in a happy life, married and got away with everything. Didn't pay a cent. Didn't offer to pay a cent. He knew me and us. My partner, me and our child are suffering from What happened. Of course he should also fraking suffer...
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Go introduce his wife to his new kid.
 
grav80 said:
Remember you already said you're sorry in the other thread :D
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i know, i just keep feeling worse and worse every time i read it because i know how much it hurts. i mean i'm going through a divorce and it sucks but i know that hurts 100 times worse
 
lexian said:
I cannot believe the wonderful news I got this week. Me and my partner had a child 11 months ago. Been happy but always suspected that something was wrong. I found out this week that she had an affair and my daughter is not mine.

I feel devastated.... first its the the 20 months of lies, the financial support, the fights... we were never intimate since she fell pregnant. I do love her and my daughter but how do u move past this?

This is not the first time I've had a cheater. My ex wife cheated twice before we got divorced.

I am feeling hurt, angry, deceived, sad. But if I love them do we stay together. But can someone move past this?
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Get custody of the kid, kick the wife/gf/slut in the panty, get a hot babysitter and live happily ever after.
 
Shame man.

I would say dump her. I believe you can hold her accountable through the court of law. If you have those emails you have evidence.
 
killadoob said:
Kick the bitch to the curb bud.

My mate's father was in a similar position but he had been married for many years and he had a vasectomy, then his wife fell pregnant and for the last 11 years he has stayed with it and ignored it.

I can tell you he has told my mate that he cannot help himself being hard on the kid as he resents her. Sadly he was not in a financial position to really get out of it.
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vasectomy is not 100%. I thought so too... read more on it. Not 100%. Could be his kid.

And for the OP.. I would kick her out asap (and the kid). I have kids. But if they are not yours, leave it. Cut it now, before you end up taking care of someone else kid for 18 years. What about having your own kid.
 
DJ... said:
I'm no lawyer but I'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for interfering in a marriage. If that was the case, every bar in the country would have been sued by now...
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I am, and you can.
 
Geriatrix said:
What would constitute "interference" and how would one put a value to it?
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Adultery

Posted on Tuesday, March 2nd, 2010.
Adultery may be defined as extramarital sex that wilfully and maliciously interferes with marriage relations which renders the irretrievable breakdown of the marriage relationship. It is often cited as grounds for divorce. In our law, both the married person and the lover will be regarded as adulterers.

In the past adultery used to be one of two grounds for divorce in South Africa, the other being malicious desertion. The Divorce Laws Amendment Act, 1935, added two further grounds – seven years’ incurable insanity and imprisonment for five years after a declaration of habitual criminality.

Changes were then introduced in the Divorce Act, 1979 and it is now unnecessary to prove that one of the parties has committed a ‘matrimonial offence’ such as insanity, desertion or adultery in order to obtain a divorce. There are at present only two grounds for divorce. These are the irretrievable breakdown of the marriage, or the mental illness or continuous unconsciousness of one of the spouses.

The ‘co-defendant’

An innocent spouse cannot sue a guilty spouse for damages as a result of adultery, although the latter may be prevented on divorce from deriving any financial benefit from the marriage by reason of his or her conduct, this is normally referred to as a forfeiture of the patrimonial benefits. An innocent spouse may bring an action for damages against the third person (the ‘co-defendant’), with whom the adultery was committed; this can be done even if divorce proceedings are not instituted against the other spouse. A third party who was unaware that the other person was married at the time the adultery was committed cannot be sued, as the action is based on a deliberate interference with the consortium (the right of association of a husband and a wife).

Damages

Damages are awarded on the basis of the insult caused to the innocent party and of the loss of consortium. Compensation can be claimed for financial loss caused by break-up of the marriage, as well as for the loss of the affection. A court will consider the spouse’s financial and social situation, their moral reputation and the state of the relationship before the adultery was committed. When an innocent spouse’s behaviour was partly responsible for driving his or her partner into another person’s arms, the damages awarded can be considerably lower.

If the co-respondent behaves particularly callously towards the innocent partner – for example, if she entices a husband away from his wife and lives openly with him, pretending to be his wife damages will be increased. An action for damages may be brought by the innocent party only within three years of learning about the adultery of his or her partner otherwise the claim would be nullified as a consequence of prescription.
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http://www.edivorce.co.za/adultery/

This type of law is pretty common around the world.

Basically you can sue the person who broke up the marriage, and in the divorce you can claim most of the stuff.
 
IzZzy said:
I am, and you can.
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I see from bwana's post that there is far more to this than a simple affair. There literally has to be intent to break the legal marriage by whatever means necessary...
 
DJ... said:
What would you sue him for? Why are people constantly trying to have the law sort out their issues for them? This is why we have nanny-states.

The guy slept with your girlfriend and got her preggers. She lied to you, and has since never slept with you and you two are not happy at all. That is the bottom line here. Get the fsck out now, for the sake of your sanity. You can determine later on how you see the child or if you want to at all...
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Feeling guilty about something?
 
As was said by bwana - difficult thing to prove and not many instances of it happening in SA. Its grounded in delict (tort), and the normal principles apply. There are essentially three main heads: adultery, enticement and harbouring (providing accommodation for a married person with the deliberate intention of severing the marital relationship and depriving a spouse of their consortium(omnis vitae)).

Each case (obviously) depends on its own facts but essentially the causa lies in the fact that consortium has been disrupted, and the third party who caused such disruption is liable to the innocent spouse for damages.

As to what constitutes disruption, it essentially can be any "positive element of persuasion or convincing" i.e. whatever you can prove. The few examples from cases seem to be along the lines of "X meets spouse, they hang out and one thing leads to another". These cases are usually quite interesting to read, because all the dirty laundry is hung out to dry.

As to how to quantify damages, you need to split this into patrimonial (quatifiable in money) and non-patrimonial loss, and ordinary principles of damages apply. For non-partimonial loss, you can look to judicial precedent for what was awarded in similar circumstances but you'd primarily have to consider the facts and whether they mitigate or aggravate the offence e.g. social standing, the terms of the marriage, the circumstances of the enticement, behaviour of the parties etc. Just don't confuse this with punitive damages (which we don't have in our law).

There is quite a bit of commentary around abolishing this delect, because there "is no place for it in modern society", but AFAIK nothing definitive has happened since.
 
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