Explaining homosexuality to your kids

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USZA

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At some stage, your kids are going to be exposed to it; whether it's on TV, in a social setting where there's same-sex attracted people present, or at school or daycare where some of their friends might have parents of the same gender.

Opinion on how to do this also differs:
- Some people have taken the Christian perspective of love the sinner but not the sin.
- Yet another Christian perspective some people took was to tell their kids that it should be tolerated, but not accepted.
- And another approach was that of love; to tell kids that anyone can love each other, irrespective of their gender
- Then there was the teaching of total acceptance, but some people disagree with this as it imparts the parent's view on the child, very much a same way that a bigot or a homophobe can impart their view onto their kids.

Would like to know from the folks here how they would handle such a situation.
 
We cannot help imposing our view on the child because they are young and still developing.
Soon enough some will develop their own value sets while others will simply espouse the values of the parents.

Bottom line you can only be true to your own view and feelings to help them adapt to the world that you brought them into.
 
As a parent I have found that as long as you do not lie to your child, explaining anything is quite easy.
 
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- Some people have taken the Christian perspective of love the sinner but not the sin.
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I hate it when that is used. Then rather just say you hate me because of me being gay.... because for me that is what it comes down to. I will most likely respect you more for it rather than you being a sly snake about it.
 
We have many family friends in same sex relationships, so we never really had to explain anything. It has always just been understood that some men and women love their own gender rather than the opposite.

As far as our philosophy at home (my daughter is almost 13 now so its prime time for hormones and puppy love), my only requirements for her choice in partner are that he/she is age appropriate and treats minimooks with love, consideration and respect for her mind, feelings and body. Beyond that, it doesn't really matter what shape or size that partner comes in.

Minimooks then tells me I'm a hippy and to stop bugging her already because she doesnt even "like" anyone anyway. :p:o:D
 
mooks said:
We have many family friends in same sex relationships, so we never really had to explain anything. It has always just been understood that some men and women love their own gender rather than the opposite.

As far as our philosophy at home (my daughter is almost 13 now so its prime time for hormones and puppy love), my only requirements for her choice in partner are that he/she is age appropriate and treats minimooks with love, consideration and respect for her mind, feelings and body. Beyond that, it doesn't really matter what shape or size that partner comes in.

Minimooks then tells me I'm a hippy and to stop bugging her already because she doesnt even "like" anyone anyway. :p:o:D
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Oh lord. Seems you have an asexual on your hands there. :p
 
ho = a street lady
mo = the guy at the deli with the turban on
sex= we don't use that word in this house young man!
ual = All of you
ity - little
 
I don't understand this point though:

- Then there was the teaching of total acceptance, but some people disagree with this as it imparts the parent's view on the child, very much a same way that a bigot or a homophobe can impart their view onto their kids.
Click to expand...

This seems like the best way to go about it:

- And another approach was that of love; to tell kids that anyone can love each other, irrespective of their gender
Click to expand...

I myself have been raised in a very old fashioned Afrikaaner family where not everything is tolerated or accepted if it's not seen as "normal". I feel kids/young adults can think for themselves and make their own opinions about any topic such as homosexuality, but I also understand that it's not always the case and some people just never achieve that level of intelligence or open mindedness and will stick to what they have been taught without questioning the motives for it, which is a sad reality.

Kids should be allowed to explore knowledge for themselves and not forced to believe in whatever the parents/society want them to believe.
 
qDot said:
We cannot help imposing our view on the child because they are young and still developing.
Soon enough some will develop their own value sets while others will simply espouse the values of the parents.

Bottom line you can only be true to your own view and feelings to help them adapt to the world that you brought them into.
Click to expand...

Playing devil's advocate here, but what if your view were at odds with the world around you ? Wouldn't you be setting your child up for a very confusing time when they set foot out into the world at large and find out that what you've taught them is at odds with what is going on out there?
 
Answer all questions as they arise, as honestly as you are able, and appropriate to their age.

My children find it a lot more difficult to understand divorce; their friend's parents living separately; and single parenting (all sorts of reasons) than to understand same-gender partnerships.

Generally - if you are tolerant/accepting of people irrespective of race, culture, gender-preference, religion, etc., then they will be too.
 
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Method said:
I don't understand this point though:
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You say this but then you kind of illustrate that point with this.

Kids should be allowed to explore knowledge for themselves and not forced to believe in whatever the parents/society want them to believe.
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I think that you got the point.

It simply implies that as much as a parent can impart a view of acceptance on a child, that a parent who is anti-homosexuality can impart their views on their child.
 
VernD said:
You say this but then you kind of illustrate that point with this.



I think that you got the point.

It simply implies that as much as a parent can impart a view of acceptance on a child, that a parent who is anti-homosexuality can impart their views on their child.
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Oh I see. I thought that's what the second last point said :p
 
mooks said:
We have many family friends in same sex relationships, so we never really had to explain anything. It has always just been understood that some men and women love their own gender rather than the opposite.

As far as our philosophy at home (my daughter is almost 13 now so its prime time for hormones and puppy love), my only requirements for her choice in partner are that he/she is age appropriate and treats minimooks with love, consideration and respect for her mind, feelings and body. Beyond that, it doesn't really matter what shape or size that partner comes in.

Minimooks then tells me I'm a hippy and to stop bugging her already because she doesnt even "like" anyone anyway. :p:o:D
Click to expand...

I think that growing up in an environment where there is same-sex couples around, makes it easier, even for you as a parent. It becomes a normal situation for the child.
 
VernD said:
Playing devil's advocate here, but what if your view were at odds with the world around you ? Wouldn't you be setting your child up for a very confusing time when they set foot out into the world at large and find out that what you've taught them is at odds with what is going on out there?
Click to expand...

Sure, that is exactly my point. Let me elaborate. I am of the view that homosexuality is not a choice. My parent's view is the exact opposite and I grew up thinking as they did, till about 20 years ago as my personal view of the world started changing.

I am not angry at my parents, they were just passing on a value system that makes sense to them at a time. It so happens to be different to mine. They are still standing and I am still standing. No crisis at all here.

My point is you've got to teach them something. Best you can do is be honest with yourself.
Be age appropriate and the rest they will figure it out anyway.
 
qDot said:
Sure, that is exactly my point. Let me elaborate. I am of the view that homosexuality is not a choice. My parent's view is the exact opposite and I grew up thinking as they did, till about 20 years ago as my personal view of the world started changing.

I am not angry at my parents, they were just passing on a value system that makes sense to them at a time. It so happens to be different to mine. They are still standing and I am still standing. No crisis at all here.

My point is you've got to teach them something. Best you can do is be honest with yourself.
Be age appropriate and the rest they will figure it out anyway.
Click to expand...

Teach them to be open minded. To explore other views and if that happens to be different from yours, accept it.
 
I'm quite young and very far away from having kids, but I don't get what you would have to explain.

My parents never explained anything to me, not to say this is the way to go, but just that I don't think it should even be something that needs "understanding" in this day and age.
 
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