First Date Tips

_Hecate_ said:
What dating tips do you have. Especially on a first date. I've gone on a couple of dates recently where I met guys from online sites but it turns out they are mostly interested in one thing.

I'd like to hear from women (yes...I know long shot) how do you spot these men before the time and from men...do you always have one particular goal in mind?

Online dating = prowling grounds

Also any other tips regarding dating in general..the do's and donts.
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Tip # 1 for dating: Stay away from online dating.
 
TJ99 said:
Of course it's serious, it's one of the most serious choices you can make, but spending your life with someone isn't like a business decision, at least not for men. Companies' worth can be reasonably objectively measured, a person can't. So you can't just check out some financial statements, you have to be with various people before you actually know what you want, what you can live with and what you can't. I know lots of people out there just want to be married and pop out babies, but for me it's a bit too clinical, even creepy, to decide beforehand you want to marry someone. You might learn after a year or 2 of dating that you don't really like her at all.. Or a month. Call me a romantic but I like things the more natural, modern way.
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It is just an analogy really - all I'm saying is why would I want to take my future less seriously than some company takes its future? It would certainly be creepy to go to a date with a decision that you're going to get married. That isn't what we're saying at all - to the extent that I defend AniV. It is rather that the goal of your meeting people and going out for dates and courtship or relationship is marriage. What's wrong with that? Then after a short while it should become clear whether you have the same goal - and then after another period of time you have a better idea of whether you have genuine feelings, and love can grow organically, and when the time is right you can get married. You don't 'need' anything more than that, really. There's no call to tell AniV that she's 150 years out of date. Her views are quite simple, understandable and they have clearly worked for her whereas ... are you also happily married?
 
MR V said:
This old school way has proven to be quite effective - in my experience at least
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well my parents were arranged marriage as well and proved well ....less dating less running around with that person ...get married and learn to love and live with that person and get to know them along the way
 
samr1wp said:
well my parents were arranged marriage as well and proved well ....less dating less running around with that person ...get married and learn to love and live with that person and get to know them along the way
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No thank you. I will choose who I marry and spend the rest or a part of my life with.
 
_Hecate_ said:
What dating tips do you have. Especially on a first date. I've gone on a couple of dates recently where I met guys from online sites but it turns out they are mostly interested in one thing.

I'd like to hear from women (yes...I know long shot) how do you spot these men before the time and from men...do you always have one particular goal in mind?

Online dating = prowling grounds

Also any other tips regarding dating in general..the do's and donts.
Click to expand...

Hey baby, wanna come back to my place? :D.
 
cerebus said:
It is just an analogy really - all I'm saying is why would I want to take my future less seriously than some company takes its future? It would certainly be creepy to go to a date with a decision that you're going to get married. That isn't what we're saying at all - to the extent that I defend AniV. It is rather that the goal of your meeting people and going out for dates and courtship or relationship is marriage. What's wrong with that? Then after a short while it should become clear whether you have the same goal - and then after another period of time you have a better idea of whether you have genuine feelings, and love can grow organically, and when the time is right you can get married. You don't 'need' anything more than that, really. There's no call to tell AniV that she's 150 years out of date. Her views are quite simple, understandable and they have clearly worked for her whereas ... are you also happily married?
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Not really any of your business but no, I'm not married. Have no intention of ever doing so as I don't see the point in it. I did however do a bit of dating in my young days though. Actually, a relationship is its own goal. You spend time and share nice experiences with someone you like being with/love. It's about 2 people making each other happy. Then, if you do eventually reach that point you can decide to get married for whatever your reason is, or not, or leave each other. If you decide beforehand marriage is your goal then of course that's your choice, but like I said, it's pretty creepy to tell your prospective girlfriends parents that.

There's also no need to get all white knight-y regarding aniv. I did say if it works for her, that'ts good. And, she's the one who said it's old-fashioned first by the way.
 
Athol said:
Fair enough (again) although pretense is also a distinct possibility when face-to-face! I must admit to having had a number of "meetings" with various people. All were pleasant given that we had got to "know" each other to some extent prior to meeting. Some extended to subsequent dates. Others ended there (I remember one person could not get away fast enough - far too much build up of expectations on their part!) Also, all parties knew the score so to speak and their were no ill feelings and the like when things didn't work out.
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Ja, but you can't convince me that we are not better at detecting pretense face to face. Look, anyway, we could go back and forth for ever because it's really a matter of preference, but I believe strongly in attraction as a holistic thing. It's to do as much or more to do with looks, body language, demeanour and even smell than it has to do with degree of authentic personality that people tend to project through the written word. Personally, once I've unconsciously decided I like someone their views and life plan (or whatever can be conveyed through an internet conversation) are unlikely to sway that feeling unless they are particularly heinous.

But then, as you might have guessed I enjoy spontaneity whereas (I'm guessing) you enjoy a bit more order and predictability.
 
TJ99 said:
Not really any of your business but no, I'm not married. Have no intention of ever doing so as I don't see the point in it. I did however do a bit of dating in my young days though. Actually, a relationship is its own goal. You spend time and share nice experiences with someone you like being with/love. It's about 2 people making each other happy. Then, if you do eventually reach that point you can decide to get married for whatever your reason is, or not, or leave each other. If you decide beforehand marriage is your goal then of course that's your choice, but like I said, it's pretty creepy to tell your prospective girlfriends parents that.

There's also no need to get all white knight-y regarding aniv. I did say if it works for her, that'ts good. And, she's the one who said it's old-fashioned first by the way.
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I'm not protecting her in a particular way. Her experience mirrors my own. And the way we took worked out successfully for her and for me, so what's old-fashioned about it? You can really have any opinions you like about it, but it does work. And if my current wife's parents had been here when I was ready to propose to her, it probably would have been appropriate to sit down with them and ask for their blessing beforehand. If I was a parent, I would also appreciate that. I can't even imagine what can be creepy about it. You might have to have a relationship with the parents nearly as long as with the wife.

Look, anyway, we could go back and forth for ever because it's really a matter of preference, but I believe strongly in attraction as a holistic thing. It's to do as much or more to do with looks, body language, demeanour and even smell than it has to do with degree of authentic personality that people tend to project through the written word.
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I totally agree with this.
 
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DrYes said:
Guys expect girls who expose themselves online to be ready for a bit of rough and tumble.Its just the nature of the beast that is the internet.
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This^^. Or a person looking for a serious relationship online sounds desperate to me.
 
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