Getting engaged: Asking the parents

You don't have to ask your own parents, I would say her parent/parents. It depends on the situation though... btw good luck man!! ;)
 
LancelotSA said:
Etiquette...
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So in other words, it is also proper etiquette for them to say yes if you ask nicely? lol
So what is the point?
What if they so no, you not going to marry the love of you life? lol
Has nothing to do with them, kids grow up, and they live their own lives.
This is all to pretend that the parents still have a say, but actually they don't. Say no, see how long that respect lasts.
I wouldn't tell anyone I was going to propose. It's too personal.
 
I asked both my parents-in-law before and they really liked it, it helps establish a better relationship for the future. Also they were going to pay for the wedding so it helps if they are consulted and they will be your new parents.
I can't remember if I asked my parents but I did tell them before I did the deed and they were happy.

Also I was 26 at the time... I wasn't 16.
 
HumanoidTyphoon said:
So in other words, it is also proper etiquette for them to say yes if you ask nicely? lol
So what is the point?
What if they so no, you not going to marry the love of you life? lol
Has nothing to do with them, kids grow up, and they live their own lives.
This is all to pretend that the parents still have a say, but actually they don't. Say no, see how long that respect lasts.
I wouldn't tell anyone I was going to propose. It's too personal.
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I agree that it is more a traditional and good courtesy thing than actually asking permission per se.
I also think it feels a lot better if you know both sides' parents are excited and happy about the prospect of marriage.
I guess it is also stupid to wish someone happy birthday, because everyone has one every year, and you did not achieve anything by being born, so really it is nothing special. But it is just good manners. (bad example LOL).
 
Stefanmuller said:
It's just that none of my friends seem to think that, or at least, everyone only worries about asking the GF's father. So, what is considered etiquette according to you?
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Ask the lady first, if and when she says yes , then approach the parents with something like :
" I have just asked .......for her hand in marriage, and she has said yes, and i would like to know if i can count on your blessings for the upcoming event etc etc "
Similar thing for your parents.
 
You ask for the father of the bride to be's blessing on the marriage. It's not about permission as that has nothing to do with it. And a man certainly doesn't ask his own parents for permission...
 
Thanks guys, sorry I only reply now, but our connection is almost non-existent.

Both our families are divorced and remarried except for her mom, so she only sees her father once every two years or so as they live 1500km away. So that goes for me too, only seeing him every 2years.
I would feel very bad not to ask her father, especially since he is quite the traditionalist. I am not nervous about the answer, but rather about how to go about asking. As said before, we don't see them often, so for me to fly up for a random visit would be awkward and a dead give away. So we're going up together which makes more sense. I'm contemplating whether to create some situation where the dad and I will be alone, but the thought of how I'm going to to that stresses me out more. Say you ask him to go for a drink randomly, what do you talk about in the car....again...a bit obvious/unusual. So we might as well do it together with everyone there. Come to think of it, if you ask more than just the dad, I will need to ask everyone, which is 7 people....

I would have told my dad about it, it was just that we kind of decided last minute to go this weekend, and I have not yet seen my dad in between deciding to go and actually leaving. I had to cancel golf for a weekend so I had to give him the reason LOL. But as I said, we've been dating for 11 years and living together the last year, so my parents have asked me on several occasions already when we are getting married, and the classic "it's about time you guys get married, when are you making the move" or "lyk my die twee gaan ook nooit trou nie, ek sal seker nooit 'n kleinkind he nie". I agree, it will be more "informing" my parents than asking permission. Maybe it was just a bit random to cancel golf and making "flying to Joburg to ask permission to marry, sorry can't make it" the reason LOL. What style!
 
Nanfeishen said:
Ask the lady first, if and when she says yes , then approach the parents with something like :
" I have just asked .......for her hand in marriage, and she has said yes, and i would like to know if i can count on your blessings for the upcoming event etc etc "
Similar thing for your parents.
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Using this approach you kind of ensure that they can't say no, LOL. But I guess it is the way you say it. It is not as though you tell them you are already engaged and tough luck if they don't like it. You are just informing them and would like to have their blessing. Technically I have already asked, and she had a look at rings, but we are not officially engaged and I haven't proposed yet. How I do it and when I do it will be a surprise, but not the fact that I will marry her.
 
hammell said:
You ask for the father of the bride to be's blessing on the marriage. It's not about permission as that has nothing to do with it. And a man certainly doesn't ask his own parents for permission...
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+1
 
hammell said:
You ask for the father of the bride to be's blessing on the marriage. It's not about permission as that has nothing to do with it. And a man certainly doesn't ask his own parents for permission...
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I agree with that. It is not as though he can say no and forbid you to marry, so informing them about it and ask for blessing is what it is about.

Its funny, I booked a flight for coming back on Tuesday, and still had to decide whether we wanted to arrive at 1am in the morning on Friday, or rather fly Thursday after work and take leave for Friday. It was Sunday that I was doing the bookings, and because the flights started to get full quickly (we already lost the 7pm flight right before our eyes), I could not wait till Monday to ask my boss for leave before booking, in case I lose the midnight flight. So I just booked the Thursday flight and informed my boss that I will be taking leave on Friday because I kinda already bought the ticket. So I felt kind of bad Monday to tell/ask my boss. He couldn't really say no as I already bought tickets..........by first asking the girl it sort of seems pointless to ask the dad afterwards. If the dad also only values the blessing part instead of the permission part, then its OK.
 
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