Getting over a person

Do what I did - when you'll have just about known her for ten years, get ready for your first trip abroad and have a get-together of your friends at your place two days before your flight. Make sure to invite her, as well as a guy you know with reasonable certainty she's only ever met once before who plays the guitar well and is attractive.

By the next day, she'll have made out with him once while you were in the same room, have done more than after you've left, and will have been about to let him go down on her while you're all three in your bedroom, you feigning sleeping on a mattress on the floor right next to your own bed where they're lying. When you confront her with it, she'll claim it has nothing to do with you, despite her claiming that you're her best friend and knowing how you feel about her. Then, while you're abroad, you get to be treated like **** by her when you're sad, drunk and lonely, and she's contacted you on skype to try and get you to not be mad with her despite her breaking your trust.

You weren't in a relationship with her or anything - she just knew how you felt about her, got uncomfortably close to you but never let anything happen between you and practically kept you on a string while she went out with other guys.
Things will completely fall apart and you'll get to beat yourself up for a while (read: possibly whole life) wondering how you could ever have been so stupid to trust someone so wholeheartedly.


It'll be five years this April.
I realised earlier this evening the parts of it that bothered me the most, and now feel sick about it all over again.


tl;dr love can break you, be careful
 
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nanonyous said:
Do what I did - when you'll have just about known her for ten years, get ready for your first trip abroad and have a get-together of your friends at your place two days before your flight. Make sure to invite her, as well as a guy you know with reasonable certainty she's only ever met once before who plays the guitar well and is attractive.

By the next day, she'll have made out with him once while you were in the same room, have done more than after you've left, and will have been about to let him go down on her while you're all three in your bedroom, you feigning sleeping on a mattress on the floor right next to your own bed where they're lying. When you confront her with it, she'll claim it has nothing to do with you, despite her claiming that you're her best friend and knowing how you feel about her. Then, while you're abroad, you get to be treated like **** by her when you're sad, drunk and lonely, and she's contacted you on skype to try and get you to not be mad with her despite her breaking your trust.

You weren't in a relationship with her or anything - she just knew how you felt about her, got uncomfortably close to you but never let anything happen between you and practically kept you on a string while she went out with other guys.
Things will completely fall apart and you'll get to beat yourself up for a while (read: possibly whole life) wondering how you could ever have been so stupid to trust someone so wholeheartedly.


It'll be five years this April.
I realised earlier this evening the parts of it that bothered me the most, and now feel sick about it all over again.


tl;dr love can break you, be careful
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:erm:
 
She did no wrong, nanonyous. You were delusional about your relationship with her.
 
abzo said:
She did no wrong, nanonyous. You were delusional about your relationship with her.
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Nonetheless, it hurts like a mofo. Been there done that, with the added pain that we WERE in a relationship which she broke off for no good reason but wanted to stay best friends while she f@cked her way round the neighbourhood...
 
seems you guys enjoy hearing about my divorce so much, i thought i'd make you guys chuckle :p

i got divorced last week friday, stood up in court, got primary caregiver rights of my son and officially closed that part of my life. plan was to move out in January as i'm not around that much in December.

on the saturday, she asks me if we should get back together and if we should give it another chance :p some people :D

a lot of you guys knew how emo and whiney i was during my divorce, and i think i got over her completely a few weeks before the final divorce appearance. a person that cares about you shouldn't ever make you feel unloved or that you have to fight for them. it does take work to keep a relationship going, but for my love has always been something you cannot control, it doesn't matter how often you get taken out, what your career is, who is contributing more to the relationship. i still love my ex, because i really loved her from my side, but when you get over someone you just refuse to put up with their **** or their lack of consideration for you.

i can't think why you would ever need to get over someone that you know genuinely loves you
 
abzo said:
Welll done. Had it been a few weeks earlier, would you have considered it?
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nah, i mean i still do sometimes because i love her, but everything adds up and i spent months crying about it, but why be somebody's second or third or last choice when all their other relationships fail?
 
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abzo said:
She did no wrong, nanonyous. You were delusional about your relationship with her.
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Dunno about that. I didn't go into extra details for the sake of trying to keep things brief.
And the issue for me was a major breach of trust - not that she violated some kind of 'ethical code' for a non-existent 'relationship'. She broke that trust as a friend.
 
nanonyous said:
Dunno about that. I didn't go into extra details for the sake of trying to keep things brief.
And the issue for me was a major breach of trust - not that she violated some kind of 'ethical code' for a non-existent 'relationship'. She broke that trust as a friend.
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What was the breach of trust? As long as you're just friends with her she's "one of the guys". Would you be pissed if one of your guy friends did this? No, you'd encourage him and high 5. Why the double standards?
 
I do the opposite, actually - I don't approve of my friends engaging in one-night stands when they're leading some woman on. In this case the male friend concerned wasn't in a relationship and to the best of my knowledge wasn't messing around with anyone, either.

And the breach of trust was that we'd long since agreed that there were things we simply wouldn't do that we knew hurt either of us. In this case, she knew I loved her - this wasn't just a sudden thing, it was something she'd known about for years already. She would be all over me in bed at night and we'd talk to each other about things neither of us would likely talk to anyone else about due to how personal it was. Seeing as she practically considered me a brother, though, she said it felt awkward to have any other kind of 'relationship' with me than that she considers herself my sister.

So I asked her to at least never get too intimate with people she hardly/doesn't know while I'm around. I asked that because it nearly happened several times before with other guys - two of them also being my friends, and she knew that.
She completely disregarded that, treated me like I was bothering her and that she wanted me to just bugger off when I wanted her out of my bed and out of my house. She treated me, in our correspondence afterward, like I was a nuisance, all the while alternating from being a bitch to wanting to keep being friends.

I tried to calmly explain to her my position and that being around her hurts, and that I didn't want to see her anymore because talking to her and seeing her was just a painful reminder of every time she's broken my trust in some other way, and that it all just compounded onto each other. It's not like it was a once-off "you dun goofed". She was getting worse during the last three years I'd known her - lying to her mom about things she really oughtn't have been lying about, too, where she'd previously been very honest and open with her.

She also went from being very considerate of others before wanting for herself to insisting that everything go her way and revolve around her, that she got what she wanted and damn the rest.

Seeing her devolve from a wonderful person to be around into what amounted to a bitch that was all smiles when things were going well for her definitely didn't help.
 
Exactly, you allowed the situation to escalate. You either allow her to behave the way she wants or you get out of her life. You can't expect her to behave a certain way just so that you don't get hurt. That's selfish of you.
 
You say that as though she didn't do the same to me. In any event, that's why I broke ties with her, because I got tired of it 'escalating'. Again, she tried to treat me as though I'm not allowed to cut ties with her, as though I should just let her continue screwing me around for the rest of my life, and to suck it up.

I'd rather go through life forever alone than have to watch the person I love keep me on a leash while they flirt around, as though to shove in my face what I won't ever have.

*edit* Also, totally going off track of the op's thread here - my point was that getting too close when things aren't certain can hurt you, so he/she should be careful :p
 
abzo said:
But you were just her intellectual whore :(
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oh you set me up you tief

if you know what i mean:D

STS said:
nah, i mean i still do sometimes because i love her, but everything adds up and i spent months crying about it, but why be somebody's second or third or last choice when all their other relationships fail?
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sunday is the meet ...make sure you get laid :p

congrats bro and may the next be better than the exes
 
samr1wp said:
sunday is the meet ...make sure you get laid :p

congrats bro and may the next be better than the exes
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thanks :p

and i don't need to get laid, since i have started taking my frustrations out on people with a gun i'm feeling much better :twisted:
 
nanonyous said:
tl;dr love can break you, be careful
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Ok this is serious business.... 10 years wow.
I`l definitely have to take action soon.
but action will take me anyway in the near future.

be.plato said:
:erm:
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:erm: indeed

Sinbad said:
Nonetheless, it hurts like a mofo. Been there done that, with the added pain that we WERE in a relationship which she broke off for no good reason but wanted to stay best friends while she f@cked her way round the neighbourhood...
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Eish... relationships are trouble.
This is a very sticky situation that I have to deal with

STS said:
SNIP
i can't think why you would ever need to get over someone that you know genuinely loves you
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:erm: I am paranoid,nothing is genuine

abzo said:
But you were just her intellectual whore :(
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:erm:
Thats something I can think about over my morning tea.

going to a group meeting in the near future.... will see what happens.
Might be shooting myself in the foot again.
Things will end soon enough and all that will be left are ashes...
 
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