Help for Anger Management

[LeDD]

Hi All,

I would really appreciate if any forumites can assist in recommending somebody to help me with my anger management issues.

My problem is basically that I am relatively quiet and peaceful person in my daily life. However on some occasions I lose my temper and I lash out at people I love (my family). I raise my voice at them, I swear them and I say mean things and end up hurting their feelings.

Usually after a couple hours I settle down and realise what an idiot I have been. I don't really mean the things I said, and regret what I said and did. At this point the damage is usually done, and my family have already suffered hurt because of things i have said or done. They have put up with my behaviour for a long while now, however I believe I need to do something, as this is not something they should go through.

I live in Johannesburg in the southern suburbs but don't mind travelling to see somebody.

Hope you can help.

 

[Hemps]

Whats the trigger?

Kids?
Work?

For me its a bit of both and I'm also struggling at the moment and need to find an outlet or hobby where I can get away from the rest of the world and be on my own.
What helped me was gymming and good music.

 

[Iroiro]

I find medieval combat as a sport helps me a lot. Nothing more relaxing than swinging a sword at someone's head.

 

[Pitbull]

Hi All,

I would really appreciate if any forumites can assist in recommending somebody to help me with my anger management issues.

My problem is basically that I am relatively quiet and peaceful person in my daily life. However on some occasions I lose my temper and I lash out at people I love (my family). I raise my voice at them, I swear them and I say mean things and end up hurting their feelings.

Usually after a couple hours I settle down and realise what an idiot I have been. I don't really mean the things I said, and regret what I said and did. At this point the damage is usually done, and my family have already suffered hurt because of things i have said or done. They have put up with my behaviour for a long while now, however I believe I need to do something, as this is not something they should go through.

I live in Johannesburg in the southern suburbs but don't mind travelling to see somebody.

Hope you can help.

Is there a sudden mood change out of the blue?
Does the situation warrant the outburst?
Is the outburst proportional with the situation?

As an example: You work on the car and you hit your finger against something when using the spanner. Instead of just swearing and moving on, you go ape shyte, smash the windscreen kick the fender and things like that?

Read up on Intermitted Explosive Disorder. I have been diagnosed with this a few years ago and on meds for it. The meds are working and I'm a new person. I used to go ape shyte for the smallest thing. Kids would drop a cup off the table and I would flip out so much that I would throw the cup against a wall and swear at them for no reason what so ever. But you can feel the mood before you have such an explosion and I started avoiding my family when that mood was over me. When in that foul mood the smallest possible thing can send you off the rails.

 

[LeDD]

Whats the trigger?

Kids?
Work?

For me its a bit of both and I'm also struggling at the moment and need to find an outlet or hobby where I can get away from the rest of the world and be on my own.
What helped me was gymming and good music.

The trigger is usually somebody attacking me. Not in a physical sense. But things I have done or said. Then I get defensive and an argument will follow, and when the other party keep pushing and pushing i get to a point where I lose my temper and then swear shout, and say really terrible things.

 

[LeDD]

I find medieval combat as a sport helps me a lot. Nothing more relaxing than swinging a sword at someone's head.

Lol, sounds good but not what i am looking for.

 

[LeDD]

Is there a sudden mood change out of the blue?
Does the situation warrant the outburst?
Is the outburst proportional with the situation?

As an example: You work on the car and you hit your finger against something when using the spanner. Instead of just swearing and moving on, you go ape shyte, smash the windscreen kick the fender and things like that?

Read up on Intermitted Explosive Disorder. I have been diagnosed with this a few years ago and on meds for it. The meds are working and I'm a new person. I used to go ape shyte for the smallest thing. Kids would drop a cup off the table and I would flip out so much that I would throw the cup against a wall and swear at them for no reason what so ever. But you can feel the mood before you have such an explosion and I started avoiding my family when that mood was over me. When in that foul mood the smallest possible thing can send you off the rails.

Nah its not like that for me. I posted on what the trigger usually is. Quite different from your scenario.

 

[Pitbull]

The trigger is usually somebody attacking me. Not in a physical sense. But things I have done or said. Then I get defensive and an argument will follow, and when the other party keep pushing and pushing i get to a point where I lose my temper and then swear shout, and say really terrible things.

So it's not a mood thing, more like a retaliation in relation to a threat? Yes, You will probably need some kind of anger management group to work through it. Mine is completely out of my control and it's bound to my mood that would change out of the blue. It happened again last Friday for the first time in about 2 years. I just kept to myself and didn't drink at the work function. Left early and on Saturday morning all was fine again. Yours seems to be emotional and not physical. I can't control it, but sounds like you do, you just need to find a way to channel that anger instead of lashing out.

 

[LeDD]

Correct its not mood related at all.

 

[LeDD]

While I have looked at some anger management type stuff, I think I might need to talk to somebody first before anything else.

I think I need to chat to some sort of counsellor or therapist or something. Thats what i am basically looking for. Hoping somebody can recommend a person I can talk to, or at least tell me what kind therapist to talk to.

 

[Pitbull]

While I have looked at some anger management type stuff, I think I might need to talk to somebody first before anything else.

I think I need to chat to some sort of counsellor or therapist or something. Thats what i am basically looking for. Hoping somebody can recommend a person I can talk to, or at least tell me what kind therapist to talk to.

Sorry can't help you there.

Just want to commend you on accepting you have a problem and getting the help needed. It's not always easy to realise one has a problem and you need to address it. Good luck on your journey and may you find a workable, permanent solution.

 

[yebocan]

Hi All,

I would really appreciate if any forumites can assist in recommending somebody to help me with my anger management issues.

My problem is basically that I am relatively quiet and peaceful person in my daily life. However on some occasions I lose my temper and I lash out at people I love (my family). I raise my voice at them, I swear them and I say mean things and end up hurting their feelings.

Usually after a couple hours I settle down and realise what an idiot I have been. I don't really mean the things I said, and regret what I said and did. At this point the damage is usually done, and my family have already suffered hurt because of things i have said or done. They have put up with my behaviour for a long while now, however I believe I need to do something, as this is not something they should go through.

I live in Johannesburg in the southern suburbs but don't mind travelling to see somebody.

Hope you can help.

So basically, when there is a situation that warrants a reply, you do not express yourself, but in your head you run constant reply scenarios? Frustration builds up, and generally blow a gasket over something that is not even related to the internal turmoil you trying to navigate?

 

[LeDD]

So basically, when there is a situation that warrants a reply, you do not express yourself, but in your head you run constant reply scenarios? Frustration builds up, and generally blow a gasket over something that is not even related to the internal turmoil you trying to navigate?

This may partly be the issue. In the most recent example I lost my temper because I was being blamed for something I was not responsible for. I tried to explain my point of view, and this led the other party to then blame me for something else, I apologised for that and tried to move on, but the other party persisted, and then i got my back up against a wall and then lashed out.

 

[LeDD]

Sorry can't help you there.

Just want to commend you on accepting you have a problem and getting the help needed. It's not always easy to realise one has a problem and you need to address it. Good luck on your journey and may you find a workable, permanent solution.

Thanks.

Finding a solution is providing challenging, hence the reason for this post. So far not one recommendation on somebody to talk to or where to seek help.

 

[STS]

This may partly be the issue. In the most recent example I lost my temper because I was being blamed for something I was not responsible for. I tried to explain my point of view, and this led the other party to then blame me for something else, I apologised for that and tried to move on, but the other party persisted, and then i got my back up against a wall and then lashed out.

sounds like your anger is just fine, if people push you then it's natural to get angry. you can control how you choose to express it tho, you can be angry without the intention to hurt, just to shut them up

 

[yebocan]

This may partly be the issue. In the most recent example I lost my temper because I was being blamed for something I was not responsible for. I tried to explain my point of view, and this led the other party to then blame me for something else, I apologised for that and tried to move on, but the other party persisted, and then i got my back up against a wall and then lashed out.

I can relate, use to internalise my responses..,still believe the habit caused me to develop hypertension. My breakthrough moment came, when I realised that , you know what, **** this mute demeanour... after a heated argument, with that continuous badgering ****, my gran was renowned for...turned around, and told the old hag, **** off you oxygen thief...I am 35 now, the **** off incident happened on my 21st birthday ...from that day on, I express myself ... say what needs to be said...

 

[Ecco]

sounds like your anger is just fine, if people push you then it's natural to get angry. you can control how you choose to express it tho, you can be angry without the intention to hurt, just to shut them up

I cant control how i express my anger. Once it gets a grip on my, i just go crazy

 

[creeper]

Thanks.

Finding a solution is providing challenging, hence the reason for this post. So far not one recommendation on somebody to talk to or where to seek help.

There is no one-size-fits-all solution. I suspect you may be an introvert and quiet person. You get angry and you bottle it up. And what happens is that you (mis)direct the bottled anger to somebody and/or someone else. Remember, everyone gets angry. It makes you human. What I will recommend is firstly go and do some serious personality tests with an industrial psychologist. Not this crappy online DIY quizzes. MBTI / Kolbe etc. type tests. It will provide you with a better understanding of what your preferences are and what you tendencies are. The Industrial psychologist can guide you further in what to do next.

 

[LeDD]

There is no one-size-fits-all solution. I suspect you may be an introvert and quiet person. You get angry and you bottle it up. And what happens is that you (mis)direct the bottled anger to somebody and/or someone else. Remember, everyone gets angry. It makes you human. What I will recommend is firstly go and do some serious personality tests with an industrial psychologist. Not this crappy online DIY quizzes. MBTI / Kolbe etc. type tests. It will provide you with a better understanding of what your preferences are and what you tendencies are. The Industrial psychologist can guide you further in what to do next.

Thanks for the usefull information. Just a question, why industrial psychologist and not psychologist?

 

[creeper]

Thanks for the usefull information. Just a question, why industrial psychologist and not psychologist?

Because I know they do comprehensive personality tests that might help you understand who you are and why you act. Also, those that I have worked with also do more than just the usual business stuff. If you can find a clinical psychologist that can do personality tests as well, it would even be better. The trick is do know who you are, know how you will react and how to manage it.

Unfortunately, I only know a good IP in Cape Town.