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Warning: I'm not thinking straight, so excuse my thread for being a lil confusing.
I have a lot of things going on for me, but my life is taking a nose dive, there are a lot of changes that have happened lately, and however hard I try, my life simply spirals out of control.
Personal Life
Ever since I finally became open with my parents and told them about who my girlfriend really was, nothing good has been happening. They've made a big fuss about it, and told all my family members, I was called different names, even my sister has sent me a 3 page long email telling me how sick I am. I decided to do what I thought was best, and fought for the validity of my relationship with my cousin's daughter, my other half wasn't as strong as I was and decided to take the easy way out and end our relationship. That's became a lot for me to handle, I couldn't imagine myself being with anyone else, I saw the world that've come to believe in, coming down and crushing me, and I decided that the best thing to do was to kill myself, and I almost did, my parents had to beg my girlfriend to take me back, I thought that everything would be rosy, but they are still not very accepting of my girlfriend.
Lately, I've noticed that I don't miss her as before, and I'm not calling her as often, and the prospect of loosing her is not so life threatening anymore. I had big expectations for our relationship, I thought that the two of us could start a family, and I even kept a track of her ovulation cycle, now I don't even ask her about her periods.
Sex Life
It hasn't been healthy for a while now, I always resorted to chemical aids to boost my hydraulic system, but now they've become ineffective. I used to think that maybe it's poor testesterone level on my blood stream, so I bought testo boosters, and nothing happened, Two weeks ago I went to a Urologist, he run every test in the book including blood works, which all indicated that everything is normal, there shouldn't be a problem for my hydraulics to work. He recommended positive thinking and daily Cialis, which I've been taking religious for the last two weeks. I cannot test drive my little johnny because I'm at work, but I'm already having doubts about daily Cialis working. As far as sex goes, I've lost hope, I don't see how I can think positively. Whenever I try having sex I cannot get the idea of my hydraulics failing out of my head, I become at war with myself up stairs, my brain sometimes have its own autonomy and I cannot stop it. I have been thinking about hypnotherapy lately, I don't know if it will work but it has become my last hope since Medical tests revealed that there is nothing wrong with me
.
On the same subject of the Urologist, he performed a Prostate exam, when he undressed me on his bed I felt like a little school boy who was about to get it, then he turned me over and inserted his finger in my anus, it was a bit painful, I just wished that it could have stayed longer. Now I'm very confused. I don't know what to do.
I have a lot of things going on for me, but my life is taking a nose dive, there are a lot of changes that have happened lately, and however hard I try, my life simply spirals out of control.
Personal Life
Ever since I finally became open with my parents and told them about who my girlfriend really was, nothing good has been happening. They've made a big fuss about it, and told all my family members, I was called different names, even my sister has sent me a 3 page long email telling me how sick I am. I decided to do what I thought was best, and fought for the validity of my relationship with my cousin's daughter, my other half wasn't as strong as I was and decided to take the easy way out and end our relationship. That's became a lot for me to handle, I couldn't imagine myself being with anyone else, I saw the world that've come to believe in, coming down and crushing me, and I decided that the best thing to do was to kill myself, and I almost did, my parents had to beg my girlfriend to take me back, I thought that everything would be rosy, but they are still not very accepting of my girlfriend.
Lately, I've noticed that I don't miss her as before, and I'm not calling her as often, and the prospect of loosing her is not so life threatening anymore. I had big expectations for our relationship, I thought that the two of us could start a family, and I even kept a track of her ovulation cycle, now I don't even ask her about her periods.
Sex Life
It hasn't been healthy for a while now, I always resorted to chemical aids to boost my hydraulic system, but now they've become ineffective. I used to think that maybe it's poor testesterone level on my blood stream, so I bought testo boosters, and nothing happened, Two weeks ago I went to a Urologist, he run every test in the book including blood works, which all indicated that everything is normal, there shouldn't be a problem for my hydraulics to work. He recommended positive thinking and daily Cialis, which I've been taking religious for the last two weeks. I cannot test drive my little johnny because I'm at work, but I'm already having doubts about daily Cialis working. As far as sex goes, I've lost hope, I don't see how I can think positively. Whenever I try having sex I cannot get the idea of my hydraulics failing out of my head, I become at war with myself up stairs, my brain sometimes have its own autonomy and I cannot stop it. I have been thinking about hypnotherapy lately, I don't know if it will work but it has become my last hope since Medical tests revealed that there is nothing wrong with me
.On the same subject of the Urologist, he performed a Prostate exam, when he undressed me on his bed I felt like a little school boy who was about to get it, then he turned me over and inserted his finger in my anus, it was a bit painful, I just wished that it could have stayed longer. Now I'm very confused. I don't know what to do.
