How to leave a man with nothing.

AstroTurf

AstroTurf

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I am not sure just how far back I will go with this little soap opera but let me start with a quick bit of background,

Married 18 years, have two children (11 and 17), we decided to emigrate to the UK.

Wife left in April 2024 (UK Citizen and spousal visa requires her to prove she earns the minimum income threshold), I looked after our children with a reduced household income and no financial help from her till May 2025 when I sent them over.

In order to maximise the amount of money I can save as well as to pay back all the debt I made with sending her and the children over, I gave away, threw away or sold absolutely everything in the rented home we shared since around 2006.

I left the house and moved in with her in-laws as they are very close to my place of work and offered me a room and boarding, everything I own now can into my car.

In July she broke up with me.

This effectively means I no longer have access to my children for at least the next two years as I no longer have the requirements for even a visitors visa to the UK for the next two years. Going there on a parental family visa is also a nearly impossible feat as I am not there primary caregiver anymore.

So in April 2024 I had a fully furnished home, a wife and two children.

Today I have a few items in a bedroom and am sleeping on a borrowed bed while paying off the debt I made to make sure my family have everything they need for emigration and had a good farewell and bucket list visits to KNP/KZN etc.

Bit surreal, traumatic and so much more starting again, with practically nothing.
 
Cray said:
Eish, sorry to hear :crying:. Any warning signs in hindsight, was emigrating her idea? Seems almost like a calculated thing to do knowing that once you sent the kids over she could cut your off completely.
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She gave me a million excuses but now that divorce is being initiated I finally got the truth from her.

She stayed with me because she did not earn enough to move out, now that she is financially independent she no longer needs me.

The irony is that she is not financially independent, She just found a different person to use.
 
AstroTurf said:
I am not sure just how far back I will go with this little soap opera but let me start with a quick bit of background,

Married 18 years, have two children (11 and 17), we decided to emigrate to the UK.

Wife left in April 2024 (UK Citizen and spousal visa requires her to prove she earns the minimum income threshold), I looked after our children with a reduced household income and no financial help from her till May 2025 when I sent them over.

In order to maximise the amount of money I can save as well as to pay back all the debt I made with sending her and the children over, I gave away, threw away or sold absolutely everything in the rented home we shared since around 2006.

I left the house and moved in with her in-laws as they are very close to my place of work and offered me a room and boarding, everything I own now can into my car.

In July she broke up with me.

This effectively means I no longer have access to my children for at least the next two years as I no longer have the requirements for even a visitors visa to the UK for the next two years. Going there on a parental family visa is also a nearly impossible feat as I am not there primary caregiver anymore.

So in April 2024 I had a fully furnished home, a wife and two children.

Today I have a few items in a bedroom and am sleeping on a borrowed bed while paying off the debt I made to make sure my family have everything they need for emigration and had a good farewell and bucket list visits to KNP/KZN etc.

Bit surreal, traumatic and so much more starting again, with practically nothing.
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Sorry to hear. Good luck for the future.
 
That’s a really tough situation and I just want to say you’ve already shown an incredible amount of strength. Even if it feels like you’re starting again from scratch, the truth is you’re not. You’ve proven you can carry a huge weight and still keep going. That resilience is something you’ll lean on now.
 
rh1 said:
Thats f@$# up. To abuse someone trust and love like that.

At Op, dont go full redpill.
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I am on anti anxiety, dopamine, endorphin stabilisers, and anti depressants.
I was also on sleeping tablets for a month or so but off those now.
I am also using exercise/weightlifting as a way to vent, pure push myself to the limit and then some till it hurts goodness.
 
You know, its fine, its gonna be ok. Your two kids though, just make sure you keep in contact with them regularly until such time you are able have a relationship with them as you were used to.

Work on yourself, pay off that debt and put yourself in a place where YOU are happy. Its gonna take time but you'll get there.
 
Immigration laws suck as it become super strict with mass migration politically sensitive so you can never say you emigrated unless you have obtained citizenship.
Until then you in reality just temporary relocated with possibility of applying for citizenship after 3 years if things go smooth and if things did not go smooth your relocation ends. Similar to a work visa.
You were fully dependent on a spousal visa which you seem to have lost.

Why not if you are not officially divorced have convo with her to say for best interest of kids she will only divorce after you can apply and get UK citizenship. Unless she wants to remarry? Issue with this is that AFAIK you have might to prove you are living together if you are on a spousal visa and apply for citizenship.

How long have you lived in UK on spousal visa?

You get the cheapest accommodation in uk and work yourself up. But if she wants divorce settlement money now if you have wealth then you are kinda screwed.
 
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AstroTurf said:
I am not sure just how far back I will go with this little soap opera but let me start with a quick bit of background,

Married 18 years, have two children (11 and 17), we decided to emigrate to the UK.

Wife left in April 2024 (UK Citizen and spousal visa requires her to prove she earns the minimum income threshold), I looked after our children with a reduced household income and no financial help from her till May 2025 when I sent them over.

In order to maximise the amount of money I can save as well as to pay back all the debt I made with sending her and the children over, I gave away, threw away or sold absolutely everything in the rented home we shared since around 2006.

I left the house and moved in with her in-laws as they are very close to my place of work and offered me a room and boarding, everything I own now can into my car.

In July she broke up with me.

This effectively means I no longer have access to my children for at least the next two years as I no longer have the requirements for even a visitors visa to the UK for the next two years. Going there on a parental family visa is also a nearly impossible feat as I am not there primary caregiver anymore.

So in April 2024 I had a fully furnished home, a wife and two children.

Today I have a few items in a bedroom and am sleeping on a borrowed bed while paying off the debt I made to make sure my family have everything they need for emigration and had a good farewell and bucket list visits to KNP/KZN etc.

Bit surreal, traumatic and so much more starting again, with practically nothing.
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Sorry to hear. This is pretty ****ed up from her end.

As for the visitor visa - what requirement do you feel you don't meet?
 
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