How to put off a sponger - advice needed

chrisc

chrisc

Honorary Master
Joined
Aug 14, 2008
Messages
14,195
Reaction score
6,688
Location
Cape Town
Met this fellow (64 years old) 4 years ago, he was doing some cupboards for a friend, he tells me he is a carpenter and did a neat and tidy job, so I asked him to re-do a kitchen in a rental flat. This too was done well. I had to pay him 2/3 up front which was the materials and half labour

During the next year he did more jobs for me, one kitchen, some BICS and some outside work

Then he had an accident which resulted in him breaking a leg and was off for 10 weeks. Since then he has done a few more jobs and I have gotten him work. The off-work period resulted in him having no money left, absolutely zero

Then his bakkie was stolen, along with tools, from site. No insurance. Now he is in big poo. No bakkie, few tools, he is also badly in arrear with his flat levy to the tune of R45000. He lives in a flat in Goodwood which he paid R400k for back in 2005. The managing agent has threatened eviction

So I bought him a cheapie (R90k) and he undertook to pay me back. I made sure it was insured

Nothing whatever has been paid and I get these phone calls that they have no food, nothing to eat so now and then I put R500 into his bank

Now the bakkie needs tyres and a brake and clutch job, can I help? Another R20k or so.... On it goes

He won't take no for an answer and sometimes arrives at my house at 7.30 asking for another handout and starts to become surly when I say no. His kids seem to be useless, he cannot depend on them

He is now the third person I help out with money now and then, the others do not ask but when they do some work, I pay them double what they ask

??
 
Thats a toxic relationship mate, you need to cut him off completely. You have tried to do your best to help, but I cant see any possible way out but to break off all ties with this guy.

My 2c
 
chrisc said:
Met this fellow (64 years old) 4 years ago, he was doing some cupboards for a friend, he tells me he is a carpenter and did a neat and tidy job, so I asked him to re-do a kitchen in a rental flat. This too was done well. I had to pay him 2/3 up front which was the materials and half labour

During the next year he did more jobs for me, one kitchen, some BICS and some outside work

Then he had an accident which resulted in him breaking a leg and was off for 10 weeks. Since then he has done a few more jobs and I have gotten him work. The off-work period resulted in him having no money left, absolutely zero

Then his bakkie was stolen, along with tools, from site. No insurance. Now he is in big poo. No bakkie, few tools, he is also badly in arrear with his flat levy to the tune of R45000. He lives in a flat in Goodwood which he paid R400k for back in 2005. The managing agent has threatened eviction

So I bought him a cheapie (R90k) and he undertook to pay me back. I made sure it was insured

Nothing whatever has been paid and I get these phone calls that they have no food, nothing to eat so now and then I put R500 into his bank

Now the bakkie needs tyres and a brake and clutch job, can I help? Another R20k or so.... On it goes

He won't take no for an answer and sometimes arrives at my house at 7.30 asking for another handout and starts to become surly when I say no. His kids seem to be useless, he cannot depend on them

He is now the third person I help out with money now and then, the others do not ask but when they do some work, I pay them double what they ask

??
Click to expand...

Just ignore his calls, and when he arrives at your gate the next time around ignore him.. reclaim the vehicle as well since it will be in your name.... then sell it.
 
To be honest it’s hard to maintain a charitable relationship like this. Too many times the beneficiary will push it to be more than the benefactor wants it to be.
 
ugly situation OP, been there before, more times than I care to mention.

help him find work, and help where you can, but sit him down one day and explain to him he is only digging his hole with you deeper,
he already owes you for y and y and Z, you owe the bank A and B and C,

if he wants to remain friends with you further down the line, he needs to get things moving on his own,
you cant be his mother here,

he has to support himself with no excuses,

youve already gone out of his way by buying him a car, now time to talk tough and simply ignore him,
at some point this guy will get the picture, you cant/shouldn't help him.

hopefully he will return you the cash he owes you after he gets another job,
but at some point you should tally up everything and present it to him, and get him to stop bothering you.
 
I registered the bakkie in his name, as once before I bought a car and lent it to someone, who in turn lent it to some guy who used it in an armed robbery. Next thing the cops were here making a scene

Its difficult getting someone who is 64 a job. He does not have what I would call a commanding presence and tends to put his foot in it. I cannot see him ever working, although I had thought that if I cut him off completely it might give him an incentive to look a bit harder

I gave him a spreadsheet showing the amounts owing on it. It then took him about 5 seconds to ask whether I was going to give him the R200 he desperately needed
 
chrisc said:
I registered the bakkie in his name, as once before I bought a car and lent it to someone, who in turn lent it to some guy who used it in an armed robbery. Next thing the cops were here making a scene

Its difficult getting someone who is 64 a job. He does not have what I would call a commanding presence and tends to put his foot in it. I cannot see him ever working, although I had thought that if I cut him off completely it might give him an incentive to look a bit harder

I gave him a spreadsheet showing the amounts owing on it. It then took him about 5 seconds to ask whether I was going to give him the R200 he desperately needed
Click to expand...

Then drop the insurance on the vehicle... write it off as a loss and just cut him out of your life... you will never see a cent of that money ever again unfortunately.
 
He just phoned

I told him that Capitec is his bank, he must go and see them about money for his repair. He knows that I can well afford to give him money but I suspect the penny is dropping and this bank has closed its doors

I certainly do not want a fairly stuffed bakkie which has now done 380000km with 4 bald tyres and cannot get up a hill due to the clutch slipping. I only paid insurance for the first year. For all I know it may have lapsed
 
You're a top man @chrisc but its time to cut your losses.
You will never get a cent back from the guy for the bakkie as he is constantly bumming from you. its just getting worse and he makes you feel guilty.
Very sad to say so but the time is up :thumbsup:
 
Just tell him no straight up. Give him work if you can. Teach him some financial literacy and how to plan and budget it you really want to be charitable, that would help more than a few R100.
 
chrisc said:
Met this fellow (64 years old) 4 years ago, he was doing some cupboards for a friend, he tells me he is a carpenter and did a neat and tidy job, so I asked him to re-do a kitchen in a rental flat. This too was done well. I had to pay him 2/3 up front which was the materials and half labour

During the next year he did more jobs for me, one kitchen, some BICS and some outside work

Then he had an accident which resulted in him breaking a leg and was off for 10 weeks. Since then he has done a few more jobs and I have gotten him work. The off-work period resulted in him having no money left, absolutely zero

Then his bakkie was stolen, along with tools, from site. No insurance. Now he is in big poo. No bakkie, few tools, he is also badly in arrear with his flat levy to the tune of R45000. He lives in a flat in Goodwood which he paid R400k for back in 2005. The managing agent has threatened eviction

So I bought him a cheapie (R90k) and he undertook to pay me back. I made sure it was insured

Nothing whatever has been paid and I get these phone calls that they have no food, nothing to eat so now and then I put R500 into his bank

Now the bakkie needs tyres and a brake and clutch job, can I help? Another R20k or so.... On it goes

He won't take no for an answer and sometimes arrives at my house at 7.30 asking for another handout and starts to become surly when I say no. His kids seem to be useless, he cannot depend on them

He is now the third person I help out with money now and then, the others do not ask but when they do some work, I pay them double what they ask

??
Click to expand...

There is the new range of Amiibo coming out soon, would you be able to assist me?
 
If you still have work for him to do, maybe tell him you’ll give him half the amount you’d normally pay for each job and the other half can start paying back the debt?
 
I've only seen this levels of simp-ery when a guy buys things for girls who don't put out.

This however,

mkn8w82ijm321-bvcjo8oje.jpg
 
Geez, I don't know good people like you still existed. But as other have said, it's time to cut him off. Just say sorry, it's over, no more money. Done. You've been very generous already.
 
  • Like
Reactions: STS
You must log in or register to reply here.
Back
Top
Sign up to the MyBroadband newsletter
X