How to with dad's ashes

The_MAC said:
You could go to Checkers and find a free tin with some products e.g. Ouma Rusks, Joko Tea.

You know, those tins Afrikaans people put in their kitchens.
Click to expand...
Thanks for the idea. I have tins like that.
Now not sure what to do and where. Bury or scatter, in her garden or some other special spot?
 
  • Like
Reactions: 3WA
LD50 said:
Originally she wanted to scatter the ashes at Big Bay close to Onse Huisie restaurant but then she was worried about wind. You can imagine folks sitting eating with us in full view...1 + 2 = "look at those people scattering a dead family members ashes, ag shame", then wind blows ashes back over to restaurant
Click to expand...
Circle of life
 
Sorry for your loss. You should do with the ashes whatever you feel is respectful to your dad, hopefully by not flushing it down the toilet as he seemed to have wanted.

I have left very specific instructions for my wife/kids on what to do with my ashes. I want them to scatter it at various places where I grew up and lived for significant periods of my life, places that I called home at one time or another. They can keep the box if they want to, but I want to return to the earth. My wife says she looks forward to the trip to the German Black Forest.

When my own father passed away, we put his ashes with the box in a memorial wall at the church that he attended most of his life, facing the rising sun every morning. He pre-selected the spot in the memorial wall long before he died.
 
I long ago decided I want my remains scattered from a plane over Disneyland.
Granted- I don't plan on getting cremated. :cool:
I hate that stupid place.

But seriously - my condolences. Bury it in the garden - then he is there for always. And its good for the plants - sounds like he'd appreciate that idea.
 
  • Like
Reactions: 3WA
Condolences, OP.

What you decide is ultimately what's going to help your family remember. I have this notion that the dead don't really care what happens when they're gone - they're free. The ashes, the gravestones - they're for the people they left behind to remember them by, so the nicer the better! Planting the ashes in the soil with a sapling sounds awesome - you get to see the tree grow, knowing that your loved one's memory will probably outlive most of your family! They even sell biodegradable urns with seeds for this reason.

Something to be mindful of, if you haven't already opened the box: it's not anything like it is in the movies - it's mostly ground up bone with a bit of ash. Almost like sand.
 
The Voice said:
Condolences, OP.
Click to expand...
thank you
Something to be mindful of, if you haven't already opened the box: it's not anything like it is in the movies - it's mostly ground up bone with a bit of ash. Almost like sand.
Click to expand...
I've seen it once before with my son who died at birth 19 years ago. However I suspect it will look the same with a grown man, just way more ash. Back then I got it in a small plastic bag, no box
 
LD50 said:
thank you
I've seen it once before with my son who died at birth 19 years ago. However I suspect it will look the same with a grown man, just way more ash. Back then I got it in a small plastic bag, no box
Click to expand...
Before my mom's body was cremated, the undertaker asked if we wanted the coffin ashes separated from the body ashes (we didn't ask how they do that...) and we said yes. I was surprised at the small volume of ashes - around 600-700ml.
 
LD50 said:
Originally she wanted to scatter the ashes at Big Bay close to Onse Huisie restaurant but then she was worried about wind. You can imagine folks sitting eating with us in full view...1 + 2 = "look at those people scattering a dead family members ashes, ag shame", then wind blows ashes back over to restaurant
Click to expand...
Lol.. reminds me of an incident a few years back. We were at the lighthouse in Greenpoint looking out to sea. There was a family there scattering someone's ashes into the sea. Unfortunately the wind blew it back in our direction and some of us ended with ashes all over us and some even managed to get into my mouth.
 
LD50 said:
thank you
I've seen it once before with my son who died at birth 19 years ago. However I suspect it will look the same with a grown man, just way more ash. Back then I got it in a small plastic bag, no box
Click to expand...

Sorry man, seems like you have gone through a lot already. We are no supposed to bury our children before our time comes. Sincere condolences from me.
 
LD50 said:
thank you
I've seen it once before with my son who died at birth 19 years ago. However I suspect it will look the same with a grown man, just way more ash. Back then I got it in a small plastic bag, no box
Click to expand...
Jeez man, that's rough. Sorry.

Yeah, my experience comes from having seen my mother's ashes last year. Was really surprised when I opened the little wooden box - not for any reason other than morbid curiosity. I closed it straight after, and that's where she's stayed since, mainly because I can't bring myself to do anything with the ashes, and I still haven't found the perfect urn to move her into.
 
Magandroid said:
Lol.. reminds me of an incident a few years back. We were at the lighthouse in Greenpoint looking out to sea. There was a family there scattering someone's ashes into the sea. Unfortunately the wind blew it back in our direction and some of us ended with ashes all over us and some even managed to get into my mouth.
Click to expand...
Oh my word. I've given my wife specific instructions to scatter my ashes off the mountain in Gordon's Bay, into the south easter.

She's not having any of it, of course!
 
  • Like
Reactions: 3WA
Blue Shirt said:
Sorry man, seems like you have gone through a lot already. We are no supposed to bury our children before our time comes. Sincere condolences from me.
Click to expand...
Thank you for the time you've taken to share your condolences. I feel your sincerity. Yes, if I may, I have been ingulfed by death for a long time.
However, having said that, I draw much strength from the poem by William Ernest Henley;

Invictus
Out of the night that covers me,
Black as the pit from pole to pole,
I thank whatever gods may be
For my unconquerable soul.

In the fell clutch of circumstance
I have not winced nor cried aloud.
Under the bludgeonings of chance
My head is bloody, but unbowed.

Beyond this place of wrath and tears
Looms but the Horror of the shade,
And yet the menace of the years
Finds, and shall find me, unafraid.

It matters not how strait the gate,
How charged with punishments the scroll,
I am the master of my fate:
I am the captain of my soul
 
Last edited:
We scattered the ashes of my sister in the ocean and half in some other area which I can't remember for the life of me (almost 20 years ago). No need to keep them confined to a box.
 
Mine are going straight to the ocean. I've never understood this thing people have with keeping the ashes around.
 
ShaunSA said:
I've never understood this thing people have with keeping the ashes around.
Click to expand...

Because we all deal with grief differently.

And your family may just decide to hang onto you - it's not like you have a say once you're dead, anyway.
 
ShaunSA said:
Mine are going straight to the ocean. I've never understood this thing people have with keeping the ashes around.
Click to expand...
My mother knew my father 52 years and was married to him for 49. They were in love until the end and were best friends for sure.
It's not easy to just let go.
 
Use the ashes like you would bone meal....dig a hole, put ashes in and plant a rose on top of it.

Roses thrive on bone meal and it will be something to remind you of him.
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Back
Top
Sign up to the MyBroadband newsletter
X