How was your divorce?

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OP you are brave.
This is gonna go down a deep rabbit hole.
 
OP perhaps try a quick search through the forum with the word divorce in the title, seems to be plenty on the topic including quite a bit of the legal stuff.

Perhaps relevant to you:



Divorce, couples counselling and anger management

Hi there, Hope you guys are having an Awesome Sunday. A) Has anybody done a divorce on there own, 1. what is the process? 2. Do I need to get a lawyer involved? 3. What is the cost involved? 4. Do I need to draw up an agreement before I file for the divorce? B) Does anybody know any good...
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Mine was very easy. Loads happened before and after the divorce but the divorce was easy.

One Sunday morning we sat down with a cup of coffee and decided who gets what. She moved to her mothers house the same day and my son stayed with me. Went to to court together to get a court date and the necessary paperwork which we filled in right there and took it to the sheriff to get stamped. On our court date everything went smooth with the judge just confirming that everything was split up and that my son was staying with me.
 
ShaunSA said:
Also remember that you chose this woman so some of this is your fault. Learn from your mistakes and don't repeat them in future
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You are insane for this part boet. How is someone meant to predict that their partner would go on dating sites when their parents are dying?

Sounds like victim blaming to me.
 
RunningFromFat said:
You are insane for this part boet. How is someone meant to predict that their partner would go on dating sites when their parents are dying?

Sounds like victim blaming to me.
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Yes sometimes the victim does deserve some portion of blame. This isn't lalaland where we live free of the consequences of our kak choices.

When a man/woman picks someone to marry they'd better make damn sure he/she is the right one. If they can't do that then marriage isn't for them.
 
ShaunSA said:
Yes sometimes the victim does deserve some portion of blame. This isn't lalaland where we live free of the consequences of our kak choices.

When a man/woman picks someone to marry they'd better make damn sure he/she is the right one. If they can't do that then marriage isn't for them.
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You cant predict the future boet. Perhaps you have a hardcore outlook at what marriage entails?

I think it means fokall so perhaps that's why I cant understand you. I still don't think you can take a bit of blame if you saw zero red flags for many years initially.
 
RunningFromFat said:
You cant predict the future boet. Perhaps you have a hardcore outlook at what marriage entails?

I think it means fokall so perhaps that's why I cant understand you. I still don't think you can take a bit of blame if you saw zero red flags for many years initially.
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If you saw zero red flags you are blind, deaf and dumb and should never have gotten married. Too many people ignore all the red flags and then want to cry about it after the fact. I have zero sympathy. As in fokoli.
 
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ShaunSA said:
If you saw zero red flags you are blind, deaf and dumb and should never have gotten married. Too many people ignore all the red flags and then want to cry about it after the fact. I have zero sympathy. As in fokoli.
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So a guy is a 1 woman man, but all of a sudden 5 years later he starts pomping another cherry. How was she meant to know? Where is the flag?
 
ShaunSA said:
That is the flag. No man is a 1 woman man. That's just fluff religiots believe in
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I window shop everyday. I just dont buy or enquire. Take a glance or two and move on about my day.

A married colleague once said he never checks out any women, I just looked at him thinking, djy praat nou kak.

Marroiage is definitley not for majority of the people.

I would not advise any young man to get married.
 
Far too many women turn very nasty after the divorce. Not always immediately after though!!

Particularly when they are the ones seeking the split and things don't turn out as expected for them.

That's when they turn nasty on you and keep trying to get more money out of you for the kids and generally disrupt your life as much as possible. Especially if you've moved on or show zero interest in a reconciliation.

Occasionally things work out well enough for them and they leave you in peace.... , wasn't my experience though.
 
rh1 said:
I window shop everyday. I just dont buy or enquire. Take a glance or two and move on about my day.

A married colleague once said he never checks out any women, I just looked at him thinking, djy praat nou kak.

Marroiage is definitley not for majority of the people.

I would not advise any young man to get married.
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Give up window shopping.
Try widow hopping.... You'll thank me later dude.
 
Waffl3s said:
Hi,

Doing the couples counselling thing but do not see this marriage proceeding further than the end of the year.
Curious to get other men's perspectives on how their divorces went, if they are willing to share why they got divorced and their experiences with custody.
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Please keep a dairy of your experience and share to @killerbyte he will need it soon
 
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I wrote a whole thread on here after my divorce years ago (quoted above) … it went as well as an emotionally difficult thing like that goes. I was fortunate to not have any kids and for it to be uncontested, which made it as simple as it could be … but even when there are extra hoops to jump through with a family advocate having to give input to a divorce with children I’ve seen it run smoothly where both partners are committed to the process.

My advice is to make really sure that your only option is divorce. I know it represents a breakdown in communication, and that’s what counselling should help you with. With a few more years’ experience and other relationships under the belt, I’ll tell you that any relationship can be saved if both partners love each other: no matter the arguments and hurt feelings, bridges can be built if you’re both committed to the process.

The thing about a divorce is that at the start it requires a lot of effort to get it started and you’re making only a little progress, but once it picks up speed then it becomes inevitable: it will stop only with serious effort, and if you do nothing the wheels will turn and it will conclude. Then you’ve got the rest of your life to live with your regrets: and at that moment the only thing that will really comfort you is knowing you tried everything, and that you didn’t let petty things like pride and word-games get in the way of real mutual love (and oh god isn’t that common).

It’s a difficult journey and everyone walks their own path, so it can also feel lonely (unless one or both of you have a new partner already - which definitely changes the dynamic).

TLDR: Don’t give up just because you’re hurt or arguing. Those are symptoms. What matters is the presence of real love and mutual commitment: if that’s still there under the layers of hurt and regrets, it’s worth mining it out for as long as possible to get to the common ground and start working together genuinely.
 
Just do it bru, start now get it over with, and get out. Before it turns ugly in front of the kids.
My kids were 4 and one when I got the de-wors. She asked me one day I must call it. And I said I am out.
Moved out and she started fscking around. Moved 500km away with one of my life long friends. Instant daddy. She only saw $ signs with him.

Her relationship went to shiiit within a year with him. She dragged her feet suing me for divorce so I sued her to get shiit moving.
She got fokol out of me. Nothing in the settlement.

Eventually made her a deal to move back to town so that the kids are closer. Cost me about R600k all in. Paid her rent for 6 months, maintenance for her for 6 months and bought her a car. Still pay maintenance for my kids and everything else as well. Shools, medical aid, and maintenance.

She got pregnant again with a fling. Decent guy, have a lot of respect for him. He looks after my kids you know as they all live in the same house. And my boys got another brother. Not an ideal situation but it seems the crazy died down a little.

We get along excellent now. No issues. We accommodate each other with whatever when it comes to the kids. After all, the only thing it is about is the kids. You grow up and put your personal kak with each other behind you and you build a relationship around your kids.

I have friends that tried the counseling and that jazz. Fscked up the kids for years with their toxic relationships. Just get out before you fscking hate each other.
 
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