I snapped today.

[SoulTax]

now this is just wrong to tell him that all he is doing is seeing the good in his mom and the bad in his father.

take another scenario - if a person continually displays bad tendencies throughout their lives without trying to better themselves will you not think that there is nothing you can do for that person? that this person is on the path of destruction?

it doesn't matter that the people in this scene are his mother and father, his father is enacting the person who continually displays someone who doesn't want to listen to advise and thinks he can get rich quick on some foolish schemes. he's just had enough and decided to voice his opinion.

Its still the truth though. Yes there is a lot of bad to see in his father, and yes there is a lot of good to see in his mom. But just as I explained in my previous posts, some of the good in his mom was seen by him looking through rose tinted glasses. It is impossible to only see bad or only see good in someone. We are human and all have tendancies towards both attributes. If he is to move forward with his life, he needs to look at the scenario wholistically from an objective point of view.
Did his dad screw up? For sure. Is his dad leeching off of him? For sure. But there is far more to the story than that. All I am saying is that he is closer to his mom because his dad was the only breadwinner. He sees only good in his mom because of it. Just use some perspective is all.

 

[The_Assimilator]

They were forced to sell or lose it due to not being able to pay the bond for it probably, I assume. . .

Correct.

If the beach house was in both your parents names, your dad wouldn't have been able to get a second bond on the house, without your mom knowing about it. Something doesn't sound right there? And like someone else mentioned as well, saying that your mom supported all of you with her credit card, doesn't really count. Who paid the credit card if she didn't work? It looks like you want to see only good in your mom and only bad in your dad?

They married in Community of Property, as SoulTax deduced.

Its still the truth though. Yes there is a lot of bad to see in his father, and yes there is a lot of good to see in his mom. But just as I explained in my previous posts, some of the good in his mom was seen by him looking through rose tinted glasses. It is impossible to only see bad or only see good in someone. We are human and all have tendancies towards both attributes. If he is to move forward with his life, he needs to look at the scenario wholistically from an objective point of view.
Did his dad screw up? For sure. Is his dad leeching off of him? For sure. But there is far more to the story than that. All I am saying is that he is closer to his mom because his dad was the only breadwinner. He sees only good in his mom because of it. Just use some perspective is all.

You are probably correct that I am biased towards my mom. However, I have never claimed she is perfect, and she would be the first to admit it. But the fact of the matter is, she gave up a promising career to be a housewife for her children and her husband. She did it not because she did not like her job - on the contrary, she was good at it and enjoyed it - but she felt that being a working mother would be bad for the rest of the family, so she gave it up.

Her selflessness is directly correlated with my dad's selfishness. Once again, my dad is not a bad man, but my mother has done far more for her family than he has.

 

[j3n0va]

My dad has been out of work for almost 3 years. His problem is not getting work, but that he believes that his previous employer - a property development company that was liquidated due to fraud and is now involved in a court battle - will magically rise again. He's an accountant by trade, so it's not like he's unskilled, and he's also a bit of a handyman/motor mechanic, so getting a job really shouldn't be a problem for him. But he just doesn't bother.

I told him that if he doesn't have a job by 1 March, he can take whatever crap he still owns and leave. I'm not his retirement fund, it's not my fault that he's broke at the age of 65, and it isn't going to be my problem for much longer.

The strange thing is, after this, I feel... liberated. With him out of my life, myself, my brother and my mom can continue. Since his company closed down we've been living in limbo, waiting and hoping for him to get a job. But now that the decision has been made to leave him behind, we can start living our lives again.

This is a decision I should have made 3 years ago. It's a decision that I should probably feel guilty about, but don't. Does that make me a bad person?

(This post may seem bit irrational but thats largely due to my emotions getting the better of me while typing this )

I understand how you feel man. My dad quit his job when I was 14 and told us that the constant late nights and heavy workload was too much for him. I was fine with it since he reassured us that he would have a job by the end of the month. He got one and lost it 2 weeks later. since then he's never been able to keep a job longer than 3 weeks. It's been 7 years since then and still nothing. I don't live with my parents ( I haven't since I was 12) so I don't feel it as much, but it's really affecting my mother and my younger brother. With my brother starting University this year we're just not sure if he's gonna be able to see it through.

The part that makes me mad though is that it's like he's given up on trying to be a decent human being. He sits in his room for hours at a time, doing absolutely nothing. If I send my mom money and he finds out he gets a hold of it and uses it to get drunk. It's like that constantly. I wish I could get my Mom and brother out of there but at the moment none of us can afford to help them leave. It's gotten so bad that We've stopped calling him Dad He used to be my hero, but now he's the example of what I don't ever want to let myself become, and having to admit this to myself this breaks my heart

You're not a bad person. I wish I had it in me to say the same thing to my father.

 

[Sly21C]

I didn't read all the posts, I'm just responding to the thread. You and I are the same age (I think) and we are not getting any younger. These are the years whereby you should start building your life. You shouldn't abandon your dad entirely but sometimes one has to do selfish things to get ahead in life otherwise you'll be your dad's retirement fund for a very long time. Your dad has skills to give in this skills scare country of ours so there's no excuse for him. He might be 65 but he must do something, he's being selfish to have you take care of him, very selfish. Not sure what advice I should give you but you gotta start being selfish a bit man, look out for you, nothing wrong with that.