I snapped today.

My father in law is 75 and still works a full day every day... unfortunately it's the situation they're in, not having saved enough for retirement. Frankly I feel the rest of the family could assist more seeing that their situations are very comfortable and they are IMO too old to work the kind of pace that they do. There's a point when you do grow too old to do what you used to on a full time basis, but then if your children aren't in a position to support you and you don't have the wherewithal to retire in self-sufficiency you have to find the means by yourself. Can he possibly do part time bookkeeping for instance? A lot of retirees use that to support themselves.
 
My neighbour is in her late 70s and she does bookkeeping

I'm interested to find out why the mother and brother aren't working? Are there health reasons
 
Well, it's a difficult situation:

Sometimes people DO save for retirement but they experience a crisis (illness/retrenchment, etc) that leads them to lose those savings / investments. It happens!

As was mentioned, it must be very hard to get a job at age 65.

Also mentioned was the fact that the OP's dad supported him throughout his life and probably paid for him to get his qualification.

I am not saying it is pay-back time, but it is hard to just kick your parent out.

TIP: is there no way that the OP or his family can try to assist his dad in getting a job -

1. reply to ads,
2. talk to people in the extended network,
3. put the message out there that he wants a job
4. he can also advertise bookeeping services for individuals or small businesses, which he can easily do from home.

Good luck.
 
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Celine said:
oh pardon but last time i looked his father didn't put anything towards his retirement. is that his childrens fault? i don't think so. he should have thought about it when he was still young and able to and not think he could live off his children. sorry you must look after your own retirement and his father is now at retirement age and has nothing to show for it. he can go get the state pension to help towards the daily expenses he qualifies.
assimilator, find a place to live and move out it's not your problem. you need to live your life now. and no it's not a child's problem to maintain their parents life and don't put them on some guilt trip. the children did not ask to be born the parents choose to have the children they bring them up and when they of age they don't have any obligation to pay maintenance.
Click to expand...

Couldn't have put it better. How on earth can someone not save anything for retirement and then expect their kids to pick up the pieces???

You have done enough! R10k per month rent coming out of your pocket?! Enough!
 
Both of you had a bit of blame to carry in this,your actions may have been harsh but not entirely unjustified. I think you may have bottled up a lot of frustration that came to a head and caused you to lash out somewhat more than may have been necessary. I think you should consider dropping that financial black-hole of a property. Get a loan to use as deposit for a 3 bedroom duplex ( or similar ) perhaps even 2 simplexes.

An investment in property is never a bad idea,especially considering you would own 1-2 properties when your parents are back on their feet or dead - either way. With the extra savings versus your current costs you can even offer some grocery money.

You invest in your own future and help them at the same time whilst likely saving some money. Before something like that happens though you have to sit them down and explain that you are willing to help within limits,set those limits beforehand and try to coax action from him by reward instead of iron-fist force :)

I've been in a similar situation but it's resolved itself at least and we're better off for it
 
I think the real age of retirement should be about 80.The goverment basically tells you that at 65 its curtains for you and you should now do nothing and wait for the inevitable.
Ridley Scott is 80 and is still making epic blockbusters that would be taxing for a guy half his age.Life should begin at 60, not end at 60.
 
The_Assimilator said:
(You might think we could sell our home to get out of trouble, but he already bet - and lost - the beach house he and my mother built; a house that was worth millions but had to be sold for a pittance to cover his bankruptcy.)

He disappears most days to allegedly go to work, but he never has any money. (He doesn't drink or take drugs.)
Click to expand...

It is possible, that there is more to this , such as the possibility of a gambling addiction , "betting and losing a house? " selling things off for money and if drink and drugs are ruled out the next stop is gambling.

If that is the case then the OP certainly needs to be harsh and deal with the situation, gambling addicts will drag an entire family down in the blink of an eye.
 
why not try and get your dad and maybe mom onto the guv pension ... it may not be much .. but it will be something and every little bit helps.
 
How can a family be struggling when they sold off a house worth millions? Sounds like there's some extreme money wastage here.
How does someone who worked as an accountant end up with nothing and not work for 3 years?

You don't need to make this your problem. Maybe it's better for you to leave. You earn enough to move out and live well on your own.
 
Jeez man you're in one tough predicament. No matter what my Dad ever did/does, I could never do that to him. Especially at 65... realistically he has a decade or so left of his life. I would try to start up a small business that could include his skills and expertise and give him a chance to work his way out of depression etc... Maybe all that he needs is that little opportunity. That being said, you have been putting up with an INCREDIBLE load over the last 5 years, and I think you sustaining your household is amazing, you truly are a gift to your family. I think you should sit down and talk through everything one last time - see what options are available and what can be done to create a sustainable scenario. Imagine driving to work and seeing your Dad at the robot begging? :(
 
I figure I owe my folks at least 18 years of freeloading, it's theirs if they ever need it.
 
macxsanity said:
Dude ... for you to be a developer who earns 16k your dad made that possible for you ......seriously man he might not be percect ...but you have to sort this out with him and in future please man stop washing your dirty linen on MBB ......family matters are best dealt with behind closed doors .............keep the drama in doors .............


Exodus 20:12

PS: i am not a religious fanatic ........
Click to expand...

Why the hell are you quoting the bible then?

"Oh and good on OP!! Liberate thyself! Ur pops can join ur team and contrib. of gtfo.."
- Me 01:01
 
bwana said:
I figure I owe my folks at least 18 years of freeloading, it's theirs if they ever need it.
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Nice, if you can afford it. The OP cant, I think.

Also, the whole taking care of your folks because they took care of you is all well and good. But supporting kids for eighteen years is a choice you make when you conceive whereas supporting parents when you might want to be thinking about starting a life of your own is not.

Also, it depends on how much you like your parents.
 
@Op read through the following link:
http://www.gam-anon.org/living.htm
And then these:
http://21stepstostopgambling.com/problem_signs.html
http://lifestyle.iloveindia.com/lounge/signs-of-gambling-addiction-4777.html

Then, sit back and think about your childhood and growing up with your Dad.
If you answer Yes or recognise many of the related issues, there may be a far deeper problem that you may not have been aware of.
We often dont notice these problems growing up around someone 24/7.
We also often dont want to think that our parents may have a problem, as they are just that, our parents.
Our parents are supposed to have all the answers, provide safety and security, be strong and healthy, they are our role models for many years, the ones we turn to, they are not supposed to be anything else.
We forget and often dont realise they suffer with illness , stress, addictions and all the other myriad issues people the world over face.
We also see social issues as being things other people suffer with, never really see it in ourselves or immediate family until it is often too late.
 
The_Assimilator said:
My dad has been out of work for almost 3 years. His problem is not getting work, but that he believes that his previous employer - a property development company that was liquidated due to fraud and is now involved in a court battle - will magically rise again. He's an accountant by trade, so it's not like he's unskilled, and he's also a bit of a handyman/motor mechanic, so getting a job really shouldn't be a problem for him. But he just doesn't bother.

His refusal to work has left me carrying the can. Since he joined the ranks of the unemployed I've been paying the living costs of 4 people - myself, my mom, my brother and of course my dad. The family has been living in a rented house for the past 5 years, and recently the rent has gone up to just shy of R 10k. I earn barely R 16k after taxes, so it's difficult for me to cover all the other expenses - food, medical bills, etc. - and still have a bit left over for myself at the end of the month. (You might think we could sell our home to get out of trouble, but he already bet - and lost - the beach house he and my mother built; a house that was worth millions but had to be sold for a pittance to cover his bankruptcy.)

He disappears most days to allegedly go to work, but he never has any money. (He doesn't drink or take drugs.) He's also been selling things around the house to Cash Crusaders, like old CRT monitors (which of course we never see the money from). Today he sold one of the last possessions we had from my childhood home - our tank of tropical fish.

Strange how such a small thing can push a person over the edge, but it pushed me. When he arrived home after concluding the sale, I told him that if he doesn't have a job by 1 March, he can take whatever crap he still owns and leave. I'm not his retirement fund, it's not my fault that he's broke at the age of 65, and it isn't going to be my problem for much longer.

The strange thing is, after this, I feel... liberated. With him out of my life, myself, my brother and my mom can continue. Since his company closed down we've been living in limbo, waiting and hoping for him to get a job. But now that the decision has been made to leave him behind, we can start living our lives again.

This is a decision I should have made 3 years ago. It's a decision that I should probably feel guilty about, but don't. Does that make me a bad person?
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How old are you? maybe its time to move out and start a life of your own? Its not your responsibilty to support your parents....
 
dudewotevr said:
Why the hell are you quoting the bible then?

"Oh and good on OP!! Liberate thyself! Ur pops can join ur team and contrib. of gtfo.."
- Me 01:01
Click to expand...

The bible is just another piece of literiture which i can i can freely quote without any religious affiliation ............
 
I wouldn't have told him to leave, because that affects everyone else in the house.

I would have told him that I'm leaving, and saddle him with the responsibility of running a household.
 
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