Im in a predicament, and cant seem to find a solution (involves GF)

I

iDenTiTy

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Okay, in a sticky situation..

Long story short.. I am jobless at the moment, my GF stays quite far away. So, in order to maximise our time together, I would visit her during her lunch time at her work (a few times a week). Works well.

But to increase our time together, she also spends weekends (not always) at my place.
So far, no problem there..

However, I share a house with my brother.
Our arrangement at the moment is, while I am looking for work, I do the house work (handyman, cleaning, washing et.) and he does the providing of the food for the two of us.

Now, heres where the predicament plays its part...

It is unfair to expect him to provide food for the two of us AND my GF (when she spends some evenings over).
This was never an issue in the past until I became jobless..

So how do I approach my GF with this?
Does anyone have advice as to how I can find a solution beneficial to all?
(Of course I am actively looking for work atm, so I am trying to get income)

I was thinking of asking her to bring the ingredients for a dish, and I/we would cook (or at least attempt to) together. This could also be a romantic time (perhaps?)..

Advice anyone?
 
I wouldn't ask her to bring food over. I would speak to your brother and even agree to pay him back when you do get a job. Asking your GF to bring food over for herself won't make her feel very comfortable with you. Thats my opinion... Perhaps your GF wont mind, but I promise most would.
 
Explain the situation to your girlfriend, if u must, blame it on ur "*******" brother.
If she cant understand the situation then get rid of her so she can go become a gold digger elsewhere.
 
mcryan said:
I wouldn't ask her to bring food over. I would speak to your brother and even agree to pay him back when you do get a job. Asking your GF to bring food over for herself won't make her feel very comfortable with you. Thats my opinion... Perhaps your GF wont mind, but I promise most would.
Click to expand...

I'm going to go on this as it sounds like your relationship is still on the thin ice side. I doubt your GF is trying to sponge off you, but its very hard to not to offend her. You could also be dead honest and just tell her that the menu is limited when she comes over.

I was in a similar situation years back where I found myself unemployed and had no money in the bank. My GF (now wife) would also pop in to say hi and it was awkward. I ended up telling her one day when she phoned to come over for coffee that I can only offer her black tea as thats all I have left - she pitched up with milk and and a tin of coffee. Had I told her to bring her own coffee, it would have been very awkward as she would have taken it as me trying to get rid of her.

But iDenTiTy, all the best as its not nice being employable.
 
davemc said:
Hey, would you mind bringing some food for yourself when you stay over please?

- I don't get where the problem is.
Click to expand...

Not quite the way to say it, regardless of whether she's a gold digger or not.

A more eloquent way would be something like "hey, was thinking of us making dinner together tonight. I was thinking of <meal>, but realise that we don't have x, y and z. Would you mind please picking some up on the way?"

Obviously there's only so many times you can tell her that before having to explain the situation anyway. There's no easy answer unless you can source some income soon. A question - why don't you take turns staying over at each others places, instead of her always coming over to yours?

All the best with the job hunting man, it's doesn't sound like a pleasant experience that you're going through.
 
She obviously (well hopefully) realizes your financial issue. If she finds issue in doing it I'd question her commitment to the relationship.
 
sorry to hear o.p.
i think being honest is good in this situation. if it's love, she'll stick with you through the tough times and you'll reciprocate.
i didn't earn a lot when i started out, and couldn't always afford the fancy lifestyle my gf had. but i'd be generous toward her with the little i had.
it made us appreciate the small things more.
i think sometimes our egos get in the way as guys and that's not always helpful. how would you feel if the situation was reversed? why should it be any different?
 
Jeepers.
Hmm.

Well, she eats Halal. I don't.
She is aware of my situation.

Her house is kinda a no-go, as there isn't much alone time whilst we there.

But I must be honest with her. I'm sure she will understand, wether or not she's offended - well, that's another story.

Maybe we will get to a solution..
Damnit, this is a difficult thing.

O.o

Sent from my HTC Hero using MyBroadband Android App
 
If she's a girl with remotely some sort of intelligence she would have"

[a] Realized you don't have a job and thus no money
Offered to pay for food [50-50 or every 2nd time] .

I thought it's standard these days to have this kind of conversation very early already [girls sharing the costs] , it's not the 60s where the man did everything you know.
 
Or ...

Tell your brother what you posted to us.

Tell him you're not sure how to tell her.

Arrange with him that you'll do something extra in the house if he provides food. I mean - how much extra is it per month anyway?!

I'm not sure of your relationship, but my brother would I understand I wouldn't want to look/act like a d***head and help me out.
 
Yep, be honest and ask her to help you think of a solution.

I was retrenched a few days ago so I'm also looking for a job. I would suggest an unemployment party but neither of us would be able to supply drinks & snacks.
 
diabolus said:
If she's a girl with remotely some sort of intelligence she would have"

[a] Realized you don't have a job and thus no money
Offered to pay for food [50-50 or every 2nd time] .

I thought it's standard these days to have this kind of conversation very early already [girls sharing the costs] , it's not the 60s where the man did everything you know.
Click to expand...


Exactly...she knows ur situation, and should be doing her best to help you out
 
iDenTiTy said:
Jeepers.
Hmm.

Well, she eats Halal. I don't.
She is aware of my situation.

Her house is kinda a no-go, as there isn't much alone time whilst we there.

But I must be honest with her. I'm sure she will understand, wether or not she's offended - well, that's another story.

Maybe we will get to a solution..
Damnit, this is a difficult thing.

O.o

Sent from my HTC Hero using MyBroadband Android App
Click to expand...

I think that what you should do is start a conversation about how bad you feel about how you are having to leach off your brother and sort of see what her feelings are towards that, then hopefully she will ask how she can help. Then you can suggest that she bring some food when she visits.

Its a bad situation, I have been in a very similar one. I dated this girl for a few months while I was unemployed and she had to pay for everything, she wasn't rich either so it made the whole thing quite a failure.

But don't let that stop you from finding a job. I think you should consider doing other things that just get you money so that you can get on your feet.
 
Okay, spoke to her.
Long story short. She understands, and felt bad not 'contributing' to the food.

She's now going to buy ingredients and have us cook together (with me doing the cooking, her doing the assisting).

Cool ending.
Awesome.
 
sounds like a great girlfriend!! take care off her,

awesome ending as well!
 
iDenTiTy said:
Okay, spoke to her.
Long story short. She understands, and felt bad not 'contributing' to the food.

She's now going to buy ingredients and have us cook together (with me doing the cooking, her doing the assisting).

Cool ending.
Awesome.
Click to expand...
Great to hear, take care of her :) Hope you get back on your feet so that it's only a temporary measure.
 
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