International Marriages

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Pringle

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I am in the initial stages of a relationship with a woman whose mother tongue is not English, but French, now, my French is poor and so is her English, naturally posing obstacles to the efficacy and depth of our communication and hence relationship. Now, I would sincerely appreciate advice from forumites experienced in cross-cultural relationships, and even those self professed marriage counselors, what in your experience are the pros and cons of such relationships?
 
Pringle said:
I am in the initial stages of a relationship with a woman whose mother tongue is not English, but French, now, my French is poor and so is her English, naturally posing obstacles to the efficacy and depth of our communication and hence relationship. Now, I would sincerely appreciate advice from forumites experienced in cross-cultural relationships, and even those self professed marriage counselors, what in your experience are the pros and cons of such relationships?
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Age differences are my big beef: often a recipe for disaster. Cultural differences can also cause problems, as can coming from different countries: You end up arguing whose parents you're going to spend xmas with. Language? Hey, you can learn that. But in the end, true love conquers all.:)
 
Thanks Grouter, what about children, do you have any? How do they integrate in a culturally mixed relationship? I am sure love will conquer all, however, at the early stages we are trying to discover each other and learn each others language. I guess, things will just take a bit longer and require more effort.
Does any one in such a relationship have anything to regret? Please advise.
 
my dads brother is dutch, but his wife is from pretoria, they got married in , uhm... 1956 and are still going strong. Their children are brought up in afrikaans, and sadly, their children in english. I will, if i marry a woman that is not dutch, only talk dutch to my children just to make them able to talk to ouma and oupa.
 
Is dutch and afrikaans not similar compared to english and french, may pose a few more challenges. Why is it sad to bring up your kids in English? Surely that is a good thing as this is not the 80's. Speaking English for anybody is a plus in this country.
 
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Pringle said:
Thanks Grouter, what about children, do you have any? How do they integrate in a culturally mixed relationship? I am sure love will conquer all, however, at the early stages we are trying to discover each other and learn each others language. I guess, things will just take a bit longer and require more effort.
Does any one in such a relationship have anything to regret? Please advise.
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The children thing? No, don't have any. But my brother in Australia married an Indian girl, and he has the most wonderful brood of 3 fantastic kids. Very happy and model family. So now our family is: Italian father, Welsh mother, sister married a Kiwi (:eek:), other sister married a guy twice her age, me (Australian) married a SA girl and I've got various little nieces and nephews with different coloured skins. It's what makes the world go 'round! You marry the girl next door and.... boring! Like I say, if there's true love there, you can't go wrong. Good luck!
 
Grouter said:
The children thing? No, don't have any. But my brother in Australia married an Indian girl, and he has the most wonderful brood of 3 fantastic kids. Very happy and model family. So now our family is: Italian father, Welsh mother, sister married a Kiwi (:eek:), other sister married a guy twice her age, me (Australian) married a SA girl and I've got various little nieces and nephews with different coloured skins. It's what makes the world go 'round! You marry the girl next door and.... boring! Like I say, if there's true love there, you can't go wrong. Good luck!
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Thats quite a stew you got there chums, must be quite entertaining at Christmas. :rolleyes:
 
Potholed said:
Thats quite a stew you got there chums, must be quite entertaining at Christmas. :rolleyes:
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I'd say! :D

Pretty cool though if you ask me...people from all walks of life, each with a different background, a different story to tell....awesome says I!
 
Pringle said:
I am in the initial stages of a relationship with a woman whose mother tongue is not English, but French, now, my French is poor and so is her English, naturally posing obstacles to the efficacy and depth of our communication and hence relationship. Now, I would sincerely appreciate advice from forumites experienced in cross-cultural relationships, and even those self professed marriage counselors, what in your experience are the pros and cons of such relationships?
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My GF is german and shes a good few years older,language was a small problem at first but shes gotten alot better at english.We have been together a 1yr 6 months now and are just like a normal couple...
Just keep at it and if its meant to be it will work out.
 
A mate of mine met and married a french girl while working at a french company in London about 8 years ago. After they married they moved back to Cape Town. She spoke almost no English because at their firm almost everyone spoke French and he spoke very little French. After moving here and being immersed in a completely English culture she picked up English in a matter of months. With all the other stuff that can cause issues in a relationship I think language is a minor issue.

Edit - Oh and they alternate Christmases between Paris and Cape Town to keep both sets of Grand parents happy.
 
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If you are in the initial stages I wouldn't worry about marriage yet unless she is a mail order bride.
 
The ex-missus is Afrikaans and while she spoke a bit of English many of the in-laws didnt. It made for many boring days with her family.
 
Depends on the individuals. I come from a small family and we are not visiting and calling each other all the time. We all pretty much live our own lives and just touch base every now and again.

Mr Blu has a big family and in line with custom/tradition, they are constantly calling and gossiping and over-involved in each other's business and lives.

I find it very difficult to deal with because I am an intensely private person and dislike my space being invaded, so we try to reach compromises.
 
bwana said:
The ex-missus is Afrikaans and while she spoke a bit of English many of the in-laws didnt. It made for many boring days with her family.
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LOL Bwana, I cannot picture you with an Afrikaans woman. Some of them are feisty !
 
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