ja

  • Thread starter Thread starter Deleted member 369928
  • Start date Start date
Status
Not open for further replies.
Dude, you need to get some support, friends, family, anything. You need support. Sorry if I am being Captain Obvi-*******-ous, but it's as simple as that. Is this a possibility?
 
Where are your family and friends in all of this?

Why are you reaching out to the Internet (who won’t help jack ****) instead of reaching out to them?

You should have done that at day 2 already instead of day 18 or whatever it is now.

There is nothing wrong with asking for help.

And believe it or not it will improve and things will get better and you’ll look back at this post as a test of strength and a character building, learning experience.
 
Definitely find a nanny ASAP to watch after the baby at least during the day, irrespective how financially draining it might be on your budget. Apart from this having impact on your job, your health and the health of your baby due to your sleep deprivation is at risk. It will get better once the baby gets older. Take care and stay strong, your family needs you.
 
crocopede said:
Ye just ranting.
Parents came back from holiday to help out and im in talks with a nanny service.

Its hard though. I take my hat off to single parents. Its a lot to manage.

Its super hard. Also around my son om chill. I think of all that gets me the most is the inability to sit 5 minutes n smoke, to keep going.

I told the parents to go sleep. They were if great help yesterday i did actually get to sleep 4 hours.

I do get murderous rage fits though. Also im not reaching out to the internets. Merely a great platform to regulate pent up frustrations to keep as sane as possible
Click to expand...

By all means rather take it all out here, then anywhere else. Hope you get some rest tonight.
 
crocopede said:
Ye just ranting.
Parents came back from holiday to help out and im in talks with a nanny service.

Its hard though. I take my hat off to single parents. Its a lot to manage.

Its super hard. Also around my son om chill. I think of all that gets me the most is the inability to sit 5 minutes n smoke, to keep going.

I told the parents to go sleep. They were if great help yesterday i did actually get to sleep 4 hours.

I do get murderous rage fits though. Also im not reaching out to the internets. Merely a great platform to regulate pent up frustrations to keep as sane as possible
Click to expand...
Shame man, I hope you at least get some more sleep in somewhere. I know you probably hear this a lot now but it does get better.

Edit: emotionally you are going to be very close to that boy. Had lots of crap with and before my sons birth, he was also sick a lot for the first 18 months, now we are very close.

He has been a bit miserable now for two days so I'm sleeping by him and just having me close by, he sleeps like a log. Actually lying next to him now and he is holding on, even while sleeping and smiling occasionally. Priceless moments like this is not far off for you.
 
hectic man, can't imagine what you going through. I hope you get the help you need so you can regain back some sanity. Good luck mate!
 
It's not just men, my poor sister looks after 3 kids, 1 being 6 months old, my bro-in-law works away so she does it by herself in a country where she has no other family and childcare is just too expensive. Raising kids I believe more and more was intended to be a larger family event. The sleep deprivation really does get to you, you need to get some sleep.
 
Wow, i actually dont know what to say.

Except, be there for your son. One day you will read this thread again and think.... Man !!! It was ALL worth it

Strongs !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
 
Wow I do admire you for going through what you are going through. And venting is a great thing to do. Don't keep it inside. I used to hit my bed or pillow like a punching bag. It is hard when you are exhausted and you cannot do anything because they cry all the time and you are alone. But you get through it - and so do they.

And it does develop strong bonds between you and your kids being the one bringing them up.
 
crocopede said:
Ye just ranting.
Parents came back from holiday to help out and im in talks with a nanny service.

Its hard though. I take my hat off to single parents. Its a lot to manage.

Its super hard. Also around my son om chill. I think of all that gets me the most is the inability to sit 5 minutes n smoke, to keep going.

I told the parents to go sleep. They were if great help yesterday i did actually get to sleep 4 hours.

I do get murderous rage fits though. Also im not reaching out to the internets. Merely a great platform to regulate pent up frustrations to keep as sane as possible
Click to expand...
If the grand parents are able to help in the day... Get a night nurse.
Go speak to the nurses/caregivers at the hospital.
You can arrange with a few of them. Then you get help mon-fri.
Friends of ours had similar. Their son is in grade 1 this year.
 
I've been where you are so please know this, I hear you and can fully understand. Having an extreme prem child is a very difficult experience and it impacts folks in many ways. The first year or so is the most difficult, as not only are you trying to cope with being a parent but also the additional stresses of the premie. For you both, I'd seek counseling and it is covered as you suffered a major trauma event. Try get support from anyone and everyone around you but in the end, you and your wife will find a way. May sound cliche but you will eventually. We are lucky enough that I earned enough for the wife to stay at home and care vs having another do so. That may not be an option in today's modern climate but seriously look into it vs expenses of care.

The best advice was one our pead gave us at the time. Take each day at a time, don't blame yourselves and talk if you need it.
 
crocopede said:
I hate every god damn second. Son started as a miscarriage , then he wasnt one and born 3 months early at 26 weeks. Operations, 3 months in nicu. Came out 2 weeks ago. Mom severe ptsd. Gets anxiety / panic attacks triggered when she sees our son.

So she cant look after him. I spent all my leave days and was due back to work yesterday. Had to take unpaid leave.

I am not programmed nor designed to sit with a child on my chest for 24 / 7.

He has severe reflux. Cant put him down, cant have a fking smoke in peace cause if i do put him down he vomits.

Sometimes i feel like just throwing him against the wall. I have not slept in 16 days. I hallucinate, i see double.

And my only option is to sit here and wait for the day i do go into a murderous rage.

I feel like murdering everyone. Or getting in my car and just drive until i run out of money. Men are not supposed to be single caregivers. Especially to a newborn premmie with medications, 3 hourly feeds and incapable of being put in a bed.

To top it all off i have to go sit at the place my wife is busy recovering at. So i drive home to go feed my now neglected dogs in the morning n the evenings.

I just spilled 2 of his bottles and half his fcking feed leaving him with a watery substance. Have u tried washing bottles, prepping feeds and cleaning syringes with one hand while holding a crying baby in the other.

Im so tired of this sht. I seriously doubt i will survive this another week.

I can better understand why that guy un auz murdered his 3 children the mother n grandma.

Ptsd + severe sleep deprivation really does a number on your mood.

I feel guilty for getting do frustrated. But here i am. Just after midnight, with son on chest, waiting.,, counting the minutes before i get to change another diaper, spill another feed. Counting the days, weeks or months that i might or might not get to take a fvking nap. 1 nap. 1 nap. 1

Just fvking one nap in 2 weeks is all i ask. Days are moments. Everything is one big blur. I cannot distinguish between the day he came home n now.

Im so extatic to think that there is no end in sight, tomorrow work is gonna start asking questions. And what do i say?

Oh sorry just give me another 3 years fvking leave until my wife recovers from het illness. Cool thx appreciate it
Click to expand...

Had prem twins born at 30 weeks. I feel your pain.

Sleep deprivation is the worst form of torture. If you need to chat to someone who has some understanding of what your going through send me a pm.

Aupair services may be worth considering. Have a look at http://www.aupairsa.co.za/ if possible get a live in Aupair at least for a few months.

People who have not spent weeks in NICU has no clue of the trauma. I wish this for no one ever.

Hope your wife gets some good help, this kind of thing could really screw with one’s mental health and baby needs mom.

When you do get some sleep, try to get at least a full REM cycle, it makes a massive difference.

You need to look after yourself so that you can cope with this.

Get a service to deliver food so that you eat healthy.

The reflux is horrible and can leave one feeling defeated, but all I can say is it gets better. There are some tricks which may work, if you need I can share this on PM.

Get one of those slings (t-shirt like material) that the baby can ride in while you get some practical stuff done.

I know how unfair this feels and how badly men are equipped to deal with the emotional demands of a prem.

While parents can be a lifesaver it also adds a lot of stress having them under your feet every day. And all their advice probably relates to a normal baby born at full term, so take all that with a pinch of salt.

Some breathing/meditation may be a great idea while your stuck with baby on your chest. Also good lazyboy helps to sleep semi upright with baby.

Another piece of tech that helps is a snuza. It just gives you a bit more piece of mind that if he stops breathing it will vibrate and also alert you. Its the stress that gets to one.
 
Wow. That sounds hectic! My wife has ME/CFS and is sick most of the time. We won't have kids until / if she get better. And then I might order it a bit bigger (adoption? Lol). Reading what you wrote just make me realise I don't think I'll be able to cope by myself. You need support dad! A nanny and having family closer will be working towards a solution..... Are there some good momements?
 
Kosmik said:
I've been where you are so please know this, I hear you and can fully understand. Having an extreme prem child is a very difficult experience and it impacts folks in many ways. The first year or so is the most difficult, as not only are you trying to cope with being a parent but also the additional stresses of the premie. For you both, I'd seek counseling and it is covered as you suffered a major trauma event. Try get support from anyone and everyone around you but in the end, you and your wife will find a way. May sound cliche but you will eventually. We are lucky enough that I earned enough for the wife to stay at home and care vs having another do so. That may not be an option in today's modern climate but seriously look into it vs expenses of care.

The best advice was one our pead gave us at the time. Take each day at a time, don't blame yourselves and talk if you need it.
Click to expand...
His wife is so badly ptsd that she doesnt want the child and is in a cushy place somewhere demanding more of his time to go visit while dealing with the premmie stress single handedly.

I say pay for a night nurse. Then he can sleep properly...
 
Status
Not open for further replies.
Back
Top
Sign up to the MyBroadband newsletter
X