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Mike Hoxbig said:
And please don't take it out on your son, it's not his fault...
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this here ...he might be alot of trouble now

wait till he smiles at you OP

wait till all the joy he gives you

this little problem is not common but some kids go through this

Get a nanny in or some help from your family

good luck bro

your kid is going to be a great boy ;)
 
awvince said:
Sorry I am being harsh. But the above statement pissed me the **** off
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Having even a healthy kid is difficult, until you have been through what he is going through you have no right to judge. He is using this forum as an outlet, he is also doing very good co sidering what he is going through.
 
Wow, that's hectic! Is your wife getting the help she needs to get through her anxiety?

I hope you get the support from family and friends during this time.

Keep us posted!
 
Cr419 said:
Having even a healthy kid is difficult, until you have been through what he is going through you have no right to judge. He is using this forum as an outlet, he is also doing very good co sidering what he is going through.
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Yeah kids in general are difficult ...

but the good times outweigh the bad by far
 
RedViking said:
Your timing is the problem. I think the smoking helps with the stress. I don't say it is good for you, in fact I hate it. But taking a break from an addiction during this stressful time might not be the best timing. You must also understand what OP is going through.
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Saying smoking helps with the stress is like saying shooting heroin helps with the stress. Of course it does... in the very short term.... but in the bigger picture, withdrawals do the very opposite. Caffeine also helps you stay alert... or so people think:
http://www.bbc.co.uk/programmes/art...N7/what-does-caffeine-really-do-to-our-brains
On the first tests, the caffeine drinkers performed worse than the non-caffeine drinkers. Their reaction times were slower, they were sleepier and less mentally alert. Without caffeine, they were suffering from caffeine withdrawal. It’s why many of us reach for caffeine first thing: we need it to get us going and bring us back up to our normal speed and normal focus.

The placebo drink, with no caffeine, did not affect the volunteers’ results at all – although those that were caffeine addicts carried on getting worse at the tasks as they slumped deeper into withdrawal.

For those that got a caffeine fix, the results were different:
The volunteers who normally drink caffeine came out of withdrawal, but all it really did was bring their mental performance closer to normal levels, where the non-users had started.
For those who didn’t normally drink caffeine, the caffeine dose did make them feel slightly more alert but it also made several of them feel anxious and it made their hands shake.
The only measure that improved very slightly when people took caffeine was the speed at which they could press the space bar on a keyboard. It seems that caffeine may slightly boost the speed of physical movements – but it turns out that its effects on the brain are not what you might have thought.
All our results were in line with those found in a far larger experiment run by Prof Rogers and his team, so the conclusions are relatively secure.
This experiment has revealed the uncomfortable truth about caffeine. Although it can keep you from falling asleep, it doesn’t make your brain work any better, and you can very quickly become dependent on it, performing significantly below par unless you have your fix. Then there’s the significant side-effects of shaky hands and anxiety.
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Also: https://www.bbc.com/news/10202553
 
Kosmik said:
Its up to what they can cope with. If they can afford a nightnurse and one will help, then go for it. The PTSD is quite serious, my wife still suffers with it 6/7 years down the line, I was able to maintain that rock for us both ( wasn't easy but I have a very clinical way of dealing with bad situations and it helped ) but every couple is different. Don't be too hard on her, its very rough for the mother, they see themselves as utter failures for "allowing it to happen".
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I would almost go as far as to say that he should cash in on his/their savings if he's struggling to afford a night nurse. I have a simple formula, if it affects my family's health and medical aids won't cover it, I'll throw all my money at it! Heck, a night nurse is far more equipped to deal with this kind of situation than OP is.
 
Honey Badger said:
I would almost go as far as to say that he should cash in on his/their savings if he's struggling to afford a night nurse. I have a simple formula, if it affects my family's health and medical aids won't cover it, I'll throw all my money at it! Heck, a night nurse is far more equipped to deal with this kind of situation than OP is.
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Problem is there are alot of hidden costs with premies. It's going to be difficult either way. It may sound crass but he needs to also milk the system: medical aid, government, gap , all of it because there will be very high bills and they need to survive.
 
awvince said:
Sorry I am being harsh. But the above statement pissed me the **** off
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OP is venting awvince, he doesn't mean it.

Mothers usually feel like this but they understand, fathers don't often have to deal with problems OP is facing.
 
Hang in there - the first nine months are the worst (yes, after the birth) then one day, he will look up at you and smile and it all changes. It is different for men than it is for woman, their hormones kick in (mostly) on the day of birth. With men it takes time.

Postpartum depression is terrible and you need to get you wife help as it can cause permanent damage - to her, your relationship and her relationship with the child. People think you can snap out of it, but its not how it works. It is generally caused by hormone imbalances brought on by the trauma of birth and so she will need medication to help get through this.

Unfortunately, you will need to be a support for your wife and son and so you are going to take more strain than possibly anyone - this is where you man-up though! This is where you show your family you are their strength - sounds corny, but that is what being a husband and dad is about - putting them before yourself.

Be encouraged though, billions have gone through this and have survived and when he finally starts sleeping though and interacting with you, you will never doubt the joy of being a parent again - it is the most awesome and rewarding and thrilling and joyous thing you will EVER experience!!!
 
Sargeant said:
Hang in there - the first nine months are the worst (yes, after the birth) then one day, he will look up at you and smile and it all changes. It is different for men than it is for woman, their hormones kick in (mostly) on the day of birth. With men it takes time.

Postpartum depression is terrible and you need to get you wife help as it can cause permanent damage - to her, your relationship and her relationship with the child. People think you can snap out of it, but its not how it works. It is generally caused by hormone imbalances brought on by the trauma of birth and so she will need medication to help get through this.

Unfortunately, you will need to be a support for your wife and son and so you are going to take more strain than possibly anyone - this is where you man-up though! This is where you show your family you are their strength - sounds corny, but that is what being a husband and dad is about - putting them before yourself.

Be encouraged though, billions have gone through this and have survived and when he finally starts sleeping though and interacting with you, you will never doubt the joy of being a parent again - it is the most awesome and rewarding and thrilling and joyous thing you will EVER experience!!!
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Exactly.

So with all that schit going on I don't believe its right for him to stop smoking right now. He has 3 people's stress to deal with to add withdrawal stress to that is attempted suicide.

Long term: he can revisit his habbits and choices in a year from now and then decide.
 
1) get support immediately - Family, Nurse etc.
2) Go see a proper mid-wife to sort out the reflux etc. - I can PM you a great one in PTA
 
Don't worry, 18 years fly by real quick. Myself, I only have 4 years left, then I can kick the first one out the house.
 
crocopede said:
Sometimes i feel like just throwing him against the wall. I have not slept in 16 days. I hallucinate, i see double.

And my only option is to sit here and wait for the day i do go into a murderous rage.

I feel like murdering everyone. Or getting in my car and just drive until i run out of money. Men are not supposed to be single caregivers. Especially to a newborn premmie with medications, 3 hourly feeds and incapable of being put in a bed.

/snip

I can better understand why that guy un auz murdered his 3 children the mother n grandma.
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I'm reminded of the backlash that UCT lecturer got when he said he felt like raping and killing his kid while he depressed. Wonder where those commenters are now?
 
Ninja'd said:
I'm reminded of the backlash that UCT lecturer got when he said he felt like raping and killing his kid while he depressed. Wonder where those commenters are now?
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WhyTF would you feel like raping due to stress?
 
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