Legally Responsible for Your Elderly Parents?

[Dolby]

I wasn't aware it was legal either - but I follw a Legal forum and one of the guys took a photo of what he received from the lawyer.

They listed the fathers expenses and demanded, politely, that the son pay. In this case though, the dad walked out on the son 21 years previously and there was no contact in that time.

 

[Pitbull]

Varsity? Bwahahaha, oh oh Mr Pitbull. Try getting told there is no money for Uni but you rather go to the army because at least they will sort you. Pitbull before you prejudge, try and getting a full understanding of the situation and then make an informed decision.

Since I am the OP, let me outline the situation so no uninformed accusations can be made, again.

1. Has there always been animosity in my growing up between my parents which I had to deal with? Yes.
2. Have they had opportunities to rectify the situation? Sure
3. Was I always stuck in the middle? Sure
4. Did my brother dying at an early age make things possibly worse? Sure
5. Did me leaving the house very young and pretty much harden me where I fended all for myself help? Absolutely
6. Did I ever ask for any help, financial or otherwise, ever? No
7. Did they have many many decades to preempt this coming of age? Absolutely

So now what, still nothing. Am I bitter, no not really. I saw this coming a very long time ago, but having parents that are not appreciative of anything doesn't help, they are the kind of people that will still moan even if you bend over backwards to try accommodate them.

All I asked is for legal guidance for when, and as it always does, comes up.

I get all that I do. They still raised you and paid your way. Now you're doing ok for yourself and just fk'em?

I'm sorry, I don't know your history. Still feels pretty damn selfish.

 

[Venomous]

I get all that I do. They still raised you and paid your way. Now you're doing ok for yourself and just fk'em?

I'm sorry, I don't know your history. Still feels pretty damn selfish.

There are many factors and uncountable sides to each history.

In my case my biological father did not even contribute R5k(during my high school years) towards my school, food, general needs, and was stopped the moment I turned 18. If he tried such a stunt I would generously offer him R5k and tell him to be gone for 5 years.


While I no longer fear the man or the pain he inflicted "in the name of dicipline", I don't care for him, and my family responsibility ends with a birthday and a xmas day call every year. Which is far more than he does for me.

My step-dad on the other hand I would gladly take care of him, as you expect the OP to do, if ever required. Though I do believe he has invested wisely for "one day".

 

[SoulTax]

I get all that I do. They still raised you and paid your way. Now you're doing ok for yourself and just fk'em?

I'm sorry, I don't know your history. Still feels pretty damn selfish.

The only thing I will add here is that Parents choose to be parents (Well mistakes can happen, but adults must live with those choices regardless). Children don't choose to have deadbeat parents.
As the parent, you have kids and give them everything that you care to give them, without any expectation of return. If the amount you give and the relationship that you foster with your children, does not instill in them a burning need to make sure that you are looked after in your old age, well mission failed.

The funny thing is, most strained parent child relationships come to a head as the child hits that "Leaving home" age. Each parent will choose a different path at this point. OP's parents chose kick out the house and go to the army. OP got his life straight, in one form or another. But the crucial step that it sounds like his parents did not do, is re-open the lines of communication once he became an "Adult".

Perhaps explaining their thinking and asking his adult self for forgiveness at having to ship him off to the army. Guaranteed OP would have appreciated and forgiven his parents for that. With the hindsight that we all gain once we have children of our own, we can appreciate our parents' struggle and sacrifice.

Any child that is figuratively, literally, or emotionally abandoned by their parent(s); even for a good reason or to a good end; simply wants to hear from their parent's that the decision was a difficult one and that it hurt them as much or far worse than it hurt the child. That communication needs to be initiated by the parent, and if they didn't do that, they made a massive mistake. One that has allowed an angry young man to grow older and find that, without adequate reconciliation from the parents to extinguish that anger, he had to cover it up with indifference.

Not saying he should or shouldn't jump at the chance to help his parents. Just saying that either way he chooses to go, is the right way IMHO.