Long distance relationship (+)350KM

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Guest 20221009

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Probably going to get so much grief over this thread, but what the heck. Here goes:

So the girlfriend works in Pietersburg and I am in Paulshof, Sandton. Been together since 2007 and were friends for 6-7 years prior to breaking the friends-only barier.

I am a .Net dev, am pretty good at graphics and UX, can do the whole Joomla, CSS and other cool kids "endorsed" thing. She is a manager at some financing firm.

Core: The distance is hurting real bad now, and one of us has to move or the whole thing will fall apart. I have been traveling back and forth 2 to 3 times a month, but that is not enough for both of us. :o

I am pretty sure that the dev scene up north is pretty much dead. I dont want this to end, as we are quite a team and she is awesome and hot too :p.

I probably know what I should do, but just wanna hear what you folk think...please be nice
 
I was in 2 long distance relationships and have actually never been in a relationship with someone closer than 800km from me. Distance is a huge problem and missing that person just becomes terrible. But the upside is that when u see them again its just more special because u dont see them allot.
You kind of get used to the not seeing someone and talking over the phone allot. 1st relationship was for 3 years. It comes down to not how far you are apart but how badly u want it to work. Trust is a major thing aswell.
 
mezu said:
come on, cant we suspend the "Pics or it did'nt happen" rule just this once.
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We don't make the rules. We just obey them. :D

What are her feelings about moving? Is she keen?

From your post it doesn't look like you will be the one moving.
 
I'd say man up and move, if she really means that much to you. You can always do contract work from Pietersburg, maybe travel to Sandton/Jozi/Pretoria every now and again to see clients.

It'll be much easier for you to shift from the sound of things.
 
Agree with boomstomp, if she means that much and you can handle living with each other then go for it. It might be a shock though as you barely see each other every month, so seeing each other every day might make both of you a bit itchy and irritated, but you have to make comprimises in relationships that mean alot.
 
APoc84 said:
We don't make the rules. We just obey them. :D

What are her feelings about moving? Is she keen?

From your post it doesn't look like you will be the one moving.
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Boomstomp said:
I'd say man up and move, if she really means that much to you. You can always do contract work from Pietersburg, maybe travel to Sandton/Jozi/Pretoria every now and again to see clients.

It'll be much easier for you to shift from the sound of things.
Click to expand...

All I need to work is my ADSL line and my dev tools. I am curently in retail, but I have been doing contract work and building internal SaaS apps with three other varsity mates. She means the world to me but she is not so keen to move because she recenlty got promoted and she is terrified of Joburg, I like smaller cities as well. We can actually take walks at night with no fear.

I know I can make it there, just needed a kick up my back side to get me moving.
 
mezu said:
All I need to work is my ADSL line and my dev tools. I am curently in retail, but I have been doing contract work and building internal SaaS apps with three other varsity mates. She means the world to me but she is not so keen to move because she recenlty got promoted and she is terrified of Joburg, I like smaller cities as well. We can actually take walks at night with no fear.

I know I can make it there, just needed a kick up my back side to get me moving.
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As I said, it makes more sense for you to move :D contract work pays more in the long run too, provided you build a good name.

My uncle lives in Polokwane, not a bad place to live!
 
LOL...someone once said that, the more km's apart, the more the love is lost...i.e you are 350km's less loved, so, by this someone's theory, if you move about 351kms from her, you'll be 351kms less loved...just someone theory.
 
BrianStephan said:
I was in 2 long distance relationships and have actually never been in a relationship with someone closer than 800km from me. Distance is a huge problem and missing that person just becomes terrible. But the upside is that when u see them again its just more special because u dont see them allot.
You kind of get used to the not seeing someone and talking over the phone allot. 1st relationship was for 3 years. It comes down to not how far you are apart but how badly u want it to work. Trust is a major thing aswell.
Click to expand...

Ditto. Been in 2 Relationships so far as well. Both 700km+ away. Phone bill's a bitch, but considering how much money couples spend who live close together, then it's not really so bad. But yeah - it's ALL about the trust.

It would be really weird being with someone who lives in the same area. I always feel like my mates are taking their SO's for granted, because they see them almost every day. Then there's also the post-breakup awkwardness when you see them at social scenes around town that I won't be used to at all.
 
Without a doubt, Polokwane is nice, I understand Pedi and can speak a bit of it, plus my home town is just a further 100 KM north.

The trust is still there, but even that is not good enough to sustain a relationship, but yeah. Thanks for the advice, apologies for being so emo. I blame it on accidentaly walking past the screen when Oprah was on...but seriously thanks :)
 
Seems like you're moving dude :) Good luck hey! If she's worth it and you can see yourself with her on the long run, I'd go after her if I were you. But then again, compromises have to come from both ends at the end of the day, whatever they might be.

Good luck on making your decision!
 
FuNkEr said:
Seems like you're moving dude :) Good luck hey! If she's worth it and you can see yourself with her on the long run, I'd go after her if I were you. But then again, compromises have to come from both ends at the end of the day, whatever they might be.

Good luck on making your decision!
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She just agreed to move....yeeha!! we had a long skype call and I need to go house hunting. I dont like Joburg either, but this is were its @. I was already to cancel my 4MBPS line and battle with iBurst for her. Thanks for the advice everyone. You guys rock!! :)

Will post pics soon :)
 
How do you meet these people that live on the other side of the world?
 
Well done buddy!

Remember to always make her feel appreciated and show that you understand her moving for YOU is a big deal and not taken for granted.
 
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