Maintenance

[James 77]

Good evening

A lot of my friends are going through divorces at the moment, but only after having kids unfortunately. I’m lucky that I got divorced before that.

But I’m curious as to what the average maintenance amount is that the normal working class person pays.

My best friend who works with me earns R43000 gross and his ex wife expects the following

-School R5000
-collection from her place on a Friday(40km out of town) and drop off on a Sunday again. This is 8 times a month, as his kid is with him 8 nights a month.
-own clothes
-life insurance for the child
-both cover day to day cost (no spousal maintenance)
Overall his expenses comes to almost 10k a month if you add it all up

She is a teacher with a departmental position. And their child is on her gems medical aid. She now decided to move the child to a more expensive school, without his input. That is an extra R2000 per month and expects him to pay this extra

This sounds too much for one kid. ?

 

[SauRoNZA]

Life insurance for the child? Wat?

 

[capd]

Such a sad and complicated question. The father (and mother) should be more than happy to give the child as much of their finances (and time) as possible in order to raise an independent superhero. They made the decision after all, and need to live with it. What’s even worse is having a child who ends up depending on you for longer.

The mother looking after the child in the work week is worth something, then again the father giving up all weekends almost cancels it out.

Fair would be portioning things according to salary, but then when would divorced parents ever be honest with each other.

I hope the child remains protected from all of this.

 

[James 77]

Such a sad and complicated question. The father (and mother) should be more than happy to give the child as much of their finances (and time) as possible in order to raise an independent superhero. They made the decision after all, and need to live with it. What’s even worse is having a child who ends up depending on you for longer.

The mother looking after the child in the work week is worth something, then again the father giving up all weekends almost cancels it out.

Fair would be portioning things according to salary, but then when would divorced parents ever be honest with each other.

I hope the child remains protected from all of this.

I do agree. It is about the best interest of the child, but I guess some people only think of themselves. In this scenario she also intends to approach the court to reduce his time to 4 days per month as she wants more “play time” the kid is 3 or 3 and a half

 

[capd]

I do agree. It is about the best interest of the child, but I guess some people only think of themselves. In this scenario she also intends to approach the court to reduce his time to 4 days per month as she wants more “play time” the kid is 3 or 3 and a half

Sounds like a direct result of not having weekends.

 

[James 77]

Sounds like a direct result of not having weekends.

I guess you are right. But he said he is willing to change it to every second weekend and then spend time in the week but she is unwilling apparently, she wants all control and time with their child. So now they drive into and out of town daily whereas he stays 2km from school

 

[Nuke]

One of the many reasons 1)not to get married 2) earn minimum wage on paper.

Not much maintenance they can take if you only earn R6k on paper.

 

[STORMERSFAN]

4k maintenance monthly..R1200 medical aid for one kid)2k monthly school fees(50%) for one kid..school books and uniform unable to say as this is bought at beginning of years but roughly 3k once off in Jan

 

[James 77]

4k maintenance monthly..R1200 medical aid for one kid)2k monthly school fees(50%) for one kid..school books and uniform unable to say as this is bought at beginning of years but roughly 3k once off in Jan

so you pay R7200 on avg per month ? Do you earn the same salary ?

 

[Wut]

One of the many reasons 1)not to get married 2) earn minimum wage on paper.

Not much maintenance they can take if you only earn R6k on paper.

They can also take the grandparents to maintenance court if they feel that the child's needs are not being met by a parent.

 

[Pho3nix]

Why aren’t peeps pushing for primary custody instead of all this ?

 

[Rumple4skin]

One of the many reasons 1)not to get married 2) not have kids.

Ftfy.

 

[Neuk_]

Worst I have heard of was my SIL's ex-boyfriend who paid for everything for his two boys excluding food, entertainment, etc. when at their mother's house. He paid for all their clothes, all their schooling, gave their mother her car, her house, etc. and she had the audacity to drag out the divorce because she wanted maintenance for herself and didn't want to pay tax on an RA she wanted to cash. In the end he lawyered up and put her in her place...

Another friend, despite paying his share of the court mandated maintenance for his two boys, was hauled to court as the mother of his two boys wanted more maintenance. She was also put in her place and reminded that she couldn't simply request more maintenance, she would have to prove that either the father is not contributing or that there were increases in expenses that necessitated the father contributing more.

I still fail to understand why divorced mothers and fathers sometimes behave the way that they do, in many aspects, many timings negatively affecting their kids.

 

[Smiggles]

One of the many reasons to use protection.

Ftfy.

tiftfy

 

[W@P]

I pay medical aid, schooling, after care, "accommodation", and then a maintenance amount for the kids. I do not pay any maintenance for her.

It was rough when the divorce proceedings kicked in. A lot of BS conflict and fighting.

November this year will be 5 years of being officially divorced. And we get along better than ever. We had our kak, it had nothing to do with the kids, why use them and drag them through all kinds of BS? It's fscking retarded. Grown-ass adults acting like kids. Stipulating rules like set in stone time lines for pickups and drop-offs and all kinds of kinderkak.

Get a fscking life. I know of so many divorced couples where this happens. And sitting in mediation for years on end. And oh ffs beware your soul if you were to meet someone else after the divorce. Some crazy b1tches will open the sluice gates of all hell like you have never seen before on you. Fscking stupid. Making their own lives miserable just to get back at the other one for the rest of their lives.

What happened between you and your ex is in the past. Swallow that shiit and move on and build a co-parenting relationship with your ex. At the end of the day, all of it is just for the kids. It's all about the kids. Not your kak.

I am very privileged to have the kind of relationship with my ex that we have now. And I appreciate and respect her and everything she does for our kids and for our co-parenting relationship. I also make it known to her that I see and acknowledge the hard work and effort she puts into the kids. Just basic common respect for each other.

I can see my kids whenever I want to. Pick them up from school or from her place on a whim. No issues. They are with me every second weekend. But I see them atleast 3 times a week. For whatever reason it may be. There are no issues.

The current situation did not just happen by itself. Both of us made the personal choice to put the past behind us and focus on being a good parent and example for our kids.

Being a dooos with each other will fsck you and your kids up for life. Swallow your pride.

It is not about you anymore.

 

[James 77]

I pay medical aid, schooling, after care, "accommodation", and then a maintenance amount for the kids. I do not pay any maintenance for her.

It was rough when the divorce proceedings kicked in. A lot of BS conflict and fighting.

November this year will be 5 years of being officially divorced. And we get along better than ever. We had our kak, it had nothing to do with the kids, why use them and drag them through all kinds of BS? It's fscking retarded. Grown-ass adults acting like kids. Stipulating rules like set in stone time lines for pickups and drop-offs and all kinds of kinderkak.

Get a fscking life. I know of so many divorced couples where this happens. And sitting in mediation for years on end. And oh ffs beware your soul if you were to meet someone else after the divorce. Some crazy b1tches will open the sluice gates of all hell like you have never seen before on you. Fscking stupid. Making their own lives miserable just to get back at the other one for the rest of their lives.

What happened between you and your ex is in the past. Swallow that shiit and move on and build a co-parenting relationship with your ex. At the end of the day, all of it is just for the kids. It's all about the kids. Not your kak.

I am very privileged to have the kind of relationship with my ex that we have now. And I appreciate and respect her and everything she does for our kids and for our co-parenting relationship. I also make it known to her that I see and acknowledge the hard work and effort she puts into the kids. Just basic common respect for each other.

I can see my kids whenever I want to. Pick them up from school or from her place on a whim. No issues. They are with me every second weekend. But I see them atleast 3 times a week. For whatever reason it may be. There are no issues.

The current situation did not just happen by itself. Both of us made the personal choice to put the past behind us and focus on being a good parent and example for our kids.

Being a dooos with each other will fsck you and your kids up for life. Swallow your pride.

It is not about you anymore.

It makes sense. But it does depend on affordability Ofcourse. Do you earn R 100k + per month ?