Ya boi needs some advice...

Tell her that you can make her famous.

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Agent69 said:
This is probably my first post on myBB in a long time (haven't been doing much pol posting because work + studies are moering me, anyway...)

So I’m in a bit of a confusing situation with a coworker and I genuinely don’t know what to make of it anymore. I’m hoping for some outside perspective because at this point I feel like I’ve been stuck in my own head about it for weeks. Arguing with myself, trying to figure things out, etc.

For context: we work together since September and have neighbouring offices (next-door to each other). From the start of the year, we’ve been talking on WhatsApp almost every day (she initiated at the start of January, suddenly got my number off the work group). Before that we did interact here and there. Sometimes it’s work-related, but often it’s joking, venting about work, sharing gifs, just talking, etc. She has opened up to me about stress and feeling overwhelmed with work and I’ve tried to be supportive when she vents. She has also thanked me directly for the emotional support before.

Here’s where it gets confusing.

On WhatsApp she’s generally relaxed and playful. She jokes, sends voice notes, and we’ve had some genuinely good conversations. Recently she even said we have each other’s back. She’s also called me “cute” jokingly and teased me a bit.

But in person the dynamic is completely different. Sometimes she’s nervous or fidgety around me. Sometimes she avoids eye contact or me completely in group situations or seems like she wants to end conversations quickly. There have even been times where she physically ran out of a room when I walked in (looked like a deer in headlights). Yet other times when we’re alone (she shares her office with someone), she’ll stare at me until I come over to talk to her, laugh at my jokes, or start chatting normally.

So it feels like a constant push-pull. Another thing that confuses me is that she clearly notices things about me. She’ll comment on my mood, tease me about things I’ve said before, and remember small details (I've also noticed she's learnt the sound of my footsteps). But then other times she’ll leave messages on read, suddenly go quiet or not talk to me for a long time.

So I’m over here thinking: "What the **** is going on?".

But then some of her behaviour (the nervousness, the staring, etc.) makes me wonder if there’s something else going on that she’s hesitant about, especially since workplace gossip is a thing. To complicate things further, she used to talk a lot about a “special person” in her life earlier in the year but hasn’t mentioned him at all since end of January.

I mean if there was absolutely nothing there, why get so nervous around me? Why physically run away sometimes? Why does seem to want to hide the fact that we talk? Why tease me? Etc, etc, etc

I genuinely don't understand what's going on.

So my question to you guys is basically: "What do?"
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In short:

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Where does this narrative that you’ll need to find a new job if it doesn’t work out come from?

Are you all children?

If you are an adult and can behave like one this is simply not a concern on any level.

But then I’m also that person who has a reasonable relationship with all of my exes which most men seem incapable of doing for some reason.
 
After most of the "helpful" advice (forgot how myBB could get) here and a clear signal I got yesterday, I've decided I'm going for gold this Thursday to ask her out to get a coffee on Friday and see how it goes. If Yes, HALALA, If No, then oh well.
 
Agent69 said:
After most of the "helpful" advice (forgot how myBB could get) here and a clear signal I got yesterday, I've decided I'm going for gold this Thursday to ask her out to get a coffee on Friday and see how it goes. If Yes, HALALA, If No, then oh well.
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Do it, just keep it chilled, just hanging out, enjoy the vibes.
If nothing comes of it at least you know now.
 
airborne said:
Do it, just keep it chilled, just hanging out, enjoy the vibes.
If nothing comes of it at least you know now.
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Yep. Luckily we do get along well, so its not a case of just being a random flirtation, you know?

And if it fails, I won't suddenly pull away or become a ****. Ya boi just wants answers.
 
If either of you are immediate line-managers to the other, walk away.
She may be skittish by nature, online chatting is easier than face to face; you'd have to be the maker.
Find out more about the "someone special", that sounds like a setup for you to be friend-zoned once she finishes with you; or... you may find yourself being the "special one" at work when she is out playing. If she can cheat for you, she can cheat on you.
Good luck.
 
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