Marriage/Relationship Advice

Hello mybb, I thought I'd post this here to get some insight. My wife and friends had planned a bush trip and with all the lockdown stuff we had to move it to some other time. However, those friends and I have hit a snag, and they have cut me off, something big happened and it was a mess.
Yesterday my wife mentions to me that she figures I don't want to go on the trip with them anymore (which is very true) and that she still wants to go on the trip. I later told her to give me time to think about it. My thing is, I will not choose who she wants to befriend, however if I see that that friend is not 100%, I will mention it. The friends and I have been friends for years, but this recent fallout was the last for me. My issue now is I don't feel comfortable with this whole trip, to make things worse, will I be selfish to tell her not to go?
 
Ziwa83 said:
Hello mybb, I thought I'd post this here to get some insight. My wife and friends had planned a bush trip and with all the lockdown stuff we had to move it to some other time. However, those friends and I have hit a snag, and they have cut me off, something big happened and it was a mess.
Yesterday my wife mentions to me that she figures I don't want to go on the trip with them anymore (which is very true) and that she still wants to go on the trip. I later told her to give me time to think about it. My thing is, I will not choose who she wants to befriend, however if I see that that friend is not 100%, I will mention it. The friends and I have been friends for years, but this recent fallout was the last for me. My issue now is I don't feel comfortable with this whole trip, to make things worse, will I be selfish to tell her not to go?
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Fess up. Who fcuked who?
 
Ziwa83 said:
Hello mybb, I thought I'd post this here to get some insight. My wife and friends had planned a bush trip and with all the lockdown stuff we had to move it to some other time. However, those friends and I have hit a snag, and they have cut me off, something big happened and it was a mess.
Yesterday my wife mentions to me that she figures I don't want to go on the trip with them anymore (which is very true) and that she still wants to go on the trip. I later told her to give me time to think about it. My thing is, I will not choose who she wants to befriend, however if I see that that friend is not 100%, I will mention it. The friends and I have been friends for years, but this recent fallout was the last for me. My issue now is I don't feel comfortable with this whole trip, to make things worse, will I be selfish to tell her not to go?
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Sorry my friend, but it sounds as if one of those friends are doing your homework for you.

Tell her she can go, but she has to take all her stuff and move in with them when they return.
 
Just cause you had a fallout with your wifes friends does not make it OK to make her break her friendship with them. That would just seem clingy and domineering. If she wants to go hang out with friends I'd say OK personally and genuinely hope she enjoys it. Have some trust. Friends may be more willing to move to a more neutral place with you if you are cool about it.

Would be interested to know what the big thing was referred to.
 
ShaunSA said:
Fess up. Who fcuked who?
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Hi ShaunSA, not me. They got themselves involved in my wife's family matter. Things have blown up and they said they wanted nothing to do with our families. Funny thing is, they've cut me off but in the beginning, I spoke to my friend and asked that they don't get involved in the matter.

Cius said:
Just cause you had a fallout with your wifes friends does not make it OK to make her break her friendship with them. That would just seem clingy and domineering. If she wants to go hang out with friends I'd say OK personally and genuinely hope she enjoys it. Have some trust. Friends may be more willing to move to a more neutral place with you if you are cool about it.

Would be interested to know what the big thing was referred to.
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Hi Cius, that's exactly how she would take it, I know I would take it that way if someone said that to me, but I think also voicing out that I am not happy that she goes with them wouldn't hurt anyone. She can go ahead if she so wishes but I'd prefer she doesn't.
 
Ziwa83 said:
Hello mybb, I thought I'd post this here to get some insight. My wife and friends had planned a bush trip and with all the lockdown stuff we had to move it to some other time. However, those friends and I have hit a snag, and they have cut me off, something big happened and it was a mess.
Yesterday my wife mentions to me that she figures I don't want to go on the trip with them anymore (which is very true) and that she still wants to go on the trip. I later told her to give me time to think about it. My thing is, I will not choose who she wants to befriend, however if I see that that friend is not 100%, I will mention it. The friends and I have been friends for years, but this recent fallout was the last for me. My issue now is I don't feel comfortable with this whole trip, to make things worse, will I be selfish to tell her not to go?
Click to expand...
Maybe describe what happened that upset you. Is it not something that can be sorted.

Anyways, if my wife is not happy with my friends. I am not happy with them. We best friends for life, and our friendship above all other friends. If my reasoning or fallout is unreasonable and childish, well then suck it up and sort it out. If you have a valid reason to be upset, then have your wife's full support and vice versa.
 
Ziwa83 said:
Hi ShaunSA, not me. They got themselves involved in my wife's family matter. Things have blown up and they said they wanted nothing to do with our families. Funny thing is, they've cut me off but in the beginning, I spoke to my friend and asked that they don't get involved in the matter.
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This makes no sense.

Let me get this straight....

You warn them to not join the family orgy, they say voetsek and join. They then get into a big fight because one guy had more staying power and could take more women to the promised land in an hour than any of them could - mind you, you have experienced this before and you've forewarned them about it.

They now want to kick you from the drive-around in the bush (because that's all that's allowed during L3) because, according to them, you did not warn them properly...they are thus now angry at your wife's family because of the orgy,but they don't want you to get onto the bakkie to go drive-around in the cold winter-weather, yet, they have no issue with your wife getting onto the bakkie?

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In the WhatsApp group, go to settings -> more -> export chat and post everything in here.

It will only list the convo up until the point where they kicked your ass off the group, but at least we will have the real reason and will then be able to advise properly .

Promise! :thumbsup:
 
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