Moral Conundrum

[Nick333]

Weird story but:

I get a message on whatsapp yesterday from an unknown number and get into a conversation with someone who claims to be a friend of someone who knows me and just seems to want to be friends. Oh and theyre an 18 year old school girl.

So, I keep chatting because I'm curious. I start getting the picture of a rather unhappy young girl (why else is she talking to 34 year old strangers?) and I ask about her family etc.

I've kept the conversation strictly away from sexual type stuff because 18 or not shes a school kid and frankly I'm not particularly interested that way in women who are not at least my age.

Before I know it she's confiding in me about abuse and divorce and some pretty unhappy stuff. She obviously needs a friend she can talk to about some pretty painful stuff.

Eventually it turns out she's the 15 year old daughter of a customer of mine from a couple of years ago. :wtf:

Now of course I'm thinking this needs to stop. I'm pretty sure I would've been against my niece talking to grown men she barely knew when she was that age. But this kid obviously has some serious rejection issues and I'm pretty sure she'd take it badly if I stopped talking to her. Also I'm not sure its such a bad thing for her to have someone to talk to who understands what she's been through and going through.

So, what should I do:

1.) Contact her mom and explain the situation in which case she might freak out and crap on her daughter (as well as me). In which case this kid is going to feel like she's just been shat on by life again.

2.) Stop responding to her, in which case she's going to feel like life just shat on her yet again.

3.) Keep talking to her in the hopes that I don't end up being accused of being a pedophile.

 

[Alan]

hmm very strange but yeah she might be psycho so don't piss her off. She'll hunt you down.

I'd keep talking to her. Evidently she needs help so who cares about the age difference. Recommend she go see a psychologist too. Maybe wean her off you

 

[Nick333]

Luckily she's in another city. She nearly did flip when I refused to phone her. Apparently she is seeing a therapist and I've recommended group therapy with kids her age (amateur psychologist that I am).

hmm very strange but yeah she might be psycho so don't piss her off. She'll hunt you down.

I'd keep talking to her. Evidently she needs help so who cares about the age difference. Recommend she go see a psychologist too. Maybe wean her off you

 

[Maddmatt]

That's a weird situation. I'm 21 and even I'd feel uncomfortable talking to a 15-year-old girl about personal stuff. I guess it's harmless if you stick to text chat. Try not to respond to her too much, "wean her off" as Alan says.
Well if she turns 16 soon you're safe from paedophile accusations, legally at least. It would still be kinda weird but nothing to worry about.

 

[francoislr]

I recently had a braai with a friend who married one of my ex girlfriends. Never been hard feelings between us, and she has 2 kids, the youngest 11, the older one 15 or 16. I had a good relationship with the kids while I was dating their mother. They are still very excited when they see me. Now due to a psycho mother, this ex girlfriend of mine and my friend all stay off Facebook, but their older daughter has an account under a fake name. The account is almost like a family account, so all their friends add the daughter as a contact point. Friday she started chatting to me. I am 28, and even I felt very uncomfortable with it, but I know the situation is clean and friendly. I can say I understand the discomfort. I have had one or 2 situations chatting to younger girls in the past where they got quite dirty, and inappropriately so. (Years ago when I had Mxit and they added me) Whenever this happened I would remove or block them. My suggestion is to convince her to seek counsel, and also get friends she can trust closer to her own age. Girls need BFF's, and guys and MEN particularly cannot fill this gap. I am not saying disappear, but wean her off you, and give her appropriate advice always considering the age gap. Be blameless, and make backups of the chat history.

 

[Roger.Wilco]

I would say stop talking to her, but explain your reasons first. No good will come of it if you continue talking to her.

 

[ISP cash cow]

You might find that you have made an impression on this girl and she has a slight crush (what other reason would she contact you, a supplier to her dad and nobody else?) there must have been some reason for her to pick you out. She may be in a sensitive situation at the moment but also you need to be careful cause the abuse talk that she is talking about may not be true and may just be a play to keep you hooked.

I would slowly make it more difficult for her to speak to me or contact me and also mention (even if untrue) that "my girlfriend would probably say" type of scenarios. In this way it will hopefully break the infatuation that she may have with you or until she gets another person to comfort on.

 

[ufis]

Eventually it turns out she's the 15 year old daughter of a customer of mine from a couple of years ago. :wtf:

Why did she contact you? This should be one of your main questions.
Have you ever met her personally while doing business with her parent? (mom?)
What was the nature of your business? Sales? Are you a shrink/medical doctor that treated her parent?
How did she make the connection to you, thinking that she could confide in you?
Did your business with her parent end well or not?

Luckily she's in another city. She nearly did flip when I refused to phone her.

Alarm bells. Lots of them. Loud ones too.

Apparently she is seeing a therapist and I've recommended group therapy with kids her age (amateur psychologist that I am).

My suggestion would be to carefully consider the questions in the first part of this reply.

Option 1 would be to stop talking to her. Just explain to her that you cannot talk to her any more and then stop. Do not discuss the reasons with her. Just tell her and then stop.
Option 2 would be to get the contact information for her therapist and contact them to discuss the situation.
Option 3 is to contact the parent.

I would think that 1 is debatable but you have to do either 2 or 3.

This just have the possibility to go very bad very quick. Think very carefully about every reply you send her.

 

[Dolby]

She's need to have had your number in her phone to contact you on Whataspp, surely ?

Why was it in her phone?
Dealt with or had interaction in the past?

 

[roLLz]

Dude stay the **** away from her....go watch the movie Hard Candy to see what could happen.

 

[Ninja'd]

 

[Merlin]

I recently had a braai with a friend who married one of my ex girlfriends. Never been hard feelings between us...

Not that I'm ignoring the thread's focus or anything, but that's rather amusing to me.

Right, carry on...

My advice? Steer clear. I've found myself in similar situations and the best you can do is step aside from the trouble. There are professionals who can deal with psyche problems and the related manipulation much better than the majority of 'targets' out there.

 

[Nick333]

Why did she contact you? This should be one of your main questions.
Have you ever met her personally while doing business with her parent? (mom?)
What was the nature of your business? Sales? Are you a shrink/medical doctor that treated her parent?
How did she make the connection to you, thinking that she could confide in you?
Did your business with her parent end well or not?

I don't know. Without wanting to reveal too much on a public forum, I'm in a service industry so I would have met her in passing while I was doing work at her house. I assume there were no business problems. She could have gotten my number off a business card, invoice, mom's phone or online. It's strange because the business with her mom was a year and a half ago and I don't recall any dealings since.

Alarm bells. Lots of them. Loud ones too.

Ja, tell me about it. She's since been trying to phone me and smsing me.

My suggestion would be to carefully consider the questions in the first part of this reply.

Option 1 would be to stop talking to her. Just explain to her that you cannot talk to her any more and then stop. Do not discuss the reasons with her. Just tell her and then stop.
Option 2 would be to get the contact information for her therapist and contact them to discuss the situation.
Option 3 is to contact the parent.

I would think that 1 is debatable but you have to do either 2 or 3.

This just have the possibility to go very bad very quick. Think very carefully about every reply you send her.[/QUOTE]

At this stage I actually don't want to be involved at all. It's actually freaking me out a bit.

 

[ufis]

At this stage I actually don't want to be involved at all. It's actually freaking me out a bit.

Then go with this.

Just think about letting the parent know.

I know it is a tough choice and I do not know your situation nor that of the kid and parent, but if I take my situation with something like this happening, I would at least call the parent to let them know what is going on. My reasons for this would be that if the kid loses interest in me and moves on to the next "random" grownup, she might get involved with someone that is less "responsible".
That said, you cannot always get involved in everything that crosses your path. You have to make the choice whether you want to or not. I, for one, will not think any less of you if you just do not get involved.

 

[The_Unbeliever]

Not good.

Paranoia - a healthy dose - is required in this case.

If possible, record all calls.

So glad I'm not in your shoes.

 

[alpha777]

I'm a father with young girls and if I found out a man was talking to one of them via social media the man will lose his happy thoughts pretty quickly....irrelevant of the situation. I'm sure all dads would do the same too.

 

[Juice]

Luckily she's in another city. She nearly did flip when I refused to phone her. Apparently she is seeing a therapist and I've recommended group therapy with kids her age (amateur psychologist that I am).

If she's in therapy already then it makes it a little easier for you. It may seem harsh, but you're probably better off cutting ties (gently) rather than letting her cultivate an unhealthy fixation with you. The thing about people with rejection issues is that they will often try to build relationships with people who will inevitably reject them. The bottom line is that it's not your responsibility, but your problem is that she's a little young to realise or accept her own responsibility. That's where her having a therapist might help. She'll be able to discuss it with someone and maybe realise that she's just stepped into a pattern of her own making and perhaps she'll then be able to see it for what it is.

Juice

 

[Juice]

Having read some of the other replies on here, I'm going to also fully endorse uFiS's post...

Juice

 

[Nick333]

Update:

Genuine thanks to all the advice. What a frikkin nightmare.

Moral of the story: do not reply to messages from numbers you don't know.

So, I tried to "wean" her off. Kept replies to a minimum. Told her I have a "girl friend". And today she went bat ****. Calling me. Leaving screeching insane messages then slightly saner apologies.

I guess the other moral is if you need to break contact with someone, sooner is better than later because they will flip anyway. The second this girl told me who she was I should have just said sorry I can't talk to you.

If she tries contacting me again I'm going to ask for her mothers number or tell her to get her to phone me or just leave me alone. Unfortunately, although I found the invoice for the work I did for her mom it doesn't have a phone number on it.