Morbid question, but okay...

[medicnick83]

Something I've always wanted to ask, but never did, so now I'm asking...

Okay, worst case scenario, tomorrow morning, my mom dies.

What must I as her son be expected to do (probably everything) but I'm wondering, what things should I do?

I mean, I know the simple basics, but it's something I really want to know how to deal with;

Funeral arrangements etc etc etc

Only reason I ask is, my mom used to tell me to prepare for this day even since I was like 10... I never bothered paying attention when my gran died (because I was young) but now, you know, I'm older, smarter... I'm interested so when the day comes, I know... you know... what to do, expect etc.

 

[Dolby]

Your moms parents alive and well?

Chances are they'll do most things.

 

[Waaib]

... my mom used to tell me to prepare for this day even since I was like 10...

HECTIC - you must have been a naughty little laaighty!

You need to know where her will is (safe, bank, lawyer). Not sure what else.

 

[medicnick83]

Your moms parents alive and well?

Chances are they'll do most things.

No, if my mom goes, I'll have to do everything - this is why I'm asking.

HECTIC - you must have been a naughty little laaighty!

You need to know where her will is (safe, bank, lawyer). Not sure what else.

I've grown up having to do everything (for myself) by myself because my mom refuses too.

 

[Waaib]

I've grown up having to do everything (for myself) by myself because my mom refuses too.

A parent telling a 10 year old that they will be dead one day is close to emotional abuse if you ask me but if it worked for you that's cool.

 

[Jewelbox]

Months before my husband died, he wrote down EVERYTHING from a-z which really helped me a lot. I still have all those instructions.

 

[medicnick83]

Months before my husband died, he wrote down EVERYTHING from a-z which really helped me a lot. I still have all those instructions.

How about you pass them onto me - so I sorta have idea what what to expect one day.

Mom will be around for many years, but since me and my mom are the only actual family we have, should she ever go, I don't want to struggle, I just want to know what to do.

 

[Gazer]

Call the police if she died out of a hospital and their mortuary van will collect the body. If she dies in a hospital they'll get the body moved to an undertaker. You will then meet with the undertaker (eg Doves) and you will discuss funeral arrangements...coffin, cremation, burials, notices in newspaper etc. Take her will to an attorney, phone the church to book a service (if she wants a church service otherwise the funeral director normally will set up a memorial at their venue.). Notify her bank (they'll freeze her accounts so no debit orders go through), and any creditors of the situation (they'll have to wait for her estate to be wound up before they get paid).

 

[Jewelbox]

How about you pass them onto me - so I sorta have idea what what to expect one day.

Mom will be around for many years, but since me and my mom are the only actual family we have, should she ever go, I don't want to struggle, I just want to know what to do.

The instructions which I have, will be of no benefit to you as our circumstances are different. I take it that you are the ONLY child?
I suggest that you sit down and discuss matters with her.

1. You need to know where the copy of the will is kept.
2. Whether there is a funeral policy and where to find it.
3. If your mom is the owner of her property, you need to know where the title-deed is kept.

It's important that your mom confides in you and tell you all you need to know. You should also feel free to ask any questions.

 

[Lord Anubis]

In addition, may I suggest life insurance, credit(debt) insurance and a policy to cover the bank, tax duty and estate attorney fees. Lastly, if there is a bond or title deed or stock shares in question make 100% sure its catered for in the will and protected by a policy...go see a broker. Absa has a lot of good Liberty life packages.

 

[Jabberwocky]

Experience from what i`ve seen is that the house will be full of aunties and family arranging mostly everything

you might have too many people trying to help

 

[Nanfeishen]

@Gdiza, as an only child myself, my mom (85) and I are busy discussing these things at the moment, and as we proceed, I will try and update in this thread.

Very important, DO NOT, go the route of having your mom set up a trust of any sort. My Aunt set up a trust for my mom, just before she passed away a few years back, and the lawyers managing the trust have screwed up in every sense, and charge exorbitantly, my mom has to constantly argue with them about money that is due her and a whole lot of other legal problems, plus the tax on trusts is exorbitant.

Make sure you know where your mom keeps all the important paperwork, I.E. will, deeds, accounts, etc.
As far as bank accounts go, get signing power on all, it will prevent her accounts from being frozen for a long period in the event of her sudden death.
In the event of illness prior to her passing, it will allow you time to transfer the bulk of her money over into your own accounts.
Your mom's will should reflect that you are the sole heir to her estate, and also state you are to be the executor of the will and administrater of her estate.
Discuss transfering whatever is in her name over into your name at a later stage, house, car etc

I find it is a rather sad topic to discuss with my mom, but we are making headway and keeping our sense of humour about it when we do, although we both know the day will come when it will become reality, and that can be hard at times.

 

[Hosehead]

I read in Noseweek that it's a bad idea for someone to appoint one of the banks as executor of the will in return for a free will drawing up because the executors fees are excessive