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Fake4Post said:
I made a fake profile simply due to fact I don't want people to know I am washing my laundry in public .

Ok where to start off , I am currently having a heated battle with the wife and I consider this my venting session . The whole argument consists of financial freedom , lazyiness and the old mother in law.

Domestic worker : I feel that we don't really need a domestic worker 3 days a week (3 bed 2 bath 1 lounge 1 kitchen) and that we could simply clean , do laundry ourselves . But the wife insists it's to much work for her

DStv : I can't even remember how many times we have had this argument about canceling dstv or simply scaling it down to a smaller package . The tv is permantely occupied by the wife and mother in law who put up a big fuss every time I want to cancel the damn thing . I mean I don't even get to use it considering there is always some drama or something that they have to watch .

Wife : Everything in life is so much work accompanied by complaints . I ask her to run a few simple arrends(get food for the house and what not ) and in return I get how tired she is (keep in mind she hasn't worked since the day we got married) right before planting herself in front of the tv or checking Facebook . It's a daily battle to get her to cook anything resulting in every fast food company in the area knowing my name (gained 8kg this year alone)

Mother in law : I got a promise she was simply visiting 2 years ago and until this day she hasn't left occupying my guest bedroom . We simply don't get along due to fact she reinforces my wife's behavior , eating my food and simply costing extra money (easily put she resembles a cross between a cockroach and a rat)

How would you resolve this ?
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Stop avoiding necessary conflict. Get rid of the maid and DSTV for a start. You pay the bills, you decide which bills you are willing to pay. Tell the wife if she want's DSTV she needs to pull her weight around the house. If she doesn't want to do house work she needs to get a job outside of the house and contribute financially.
 
crackersa said:
https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Power_and_control_in_abusive_relationships
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And? Or is OP living in England or Wales?

You are also effectively derailing this thread. OP is being emotionally abused.

Back to the food discussion: what is wrong with OP buying, cooking his own food and not sharing it? If his lazy wife wants to feed her self and her mom on takeaways, let her. With her own money, however.

Since she is not earning her own money, OP is providing her with money I assume?

So, no more cash for lazy wife. OP buys groceries for the house and she either cooks it or doesn't eat? Where is the abuse?
OP turns off DSTV. Where is the abuse?
MIL is different kettle of fish, but there is NO legal precedent that can force you to provide accommodation for family. She is not a rent paying tenant.

OP is being abused without doing anything about it.

I wonder where OP has gone, or has his wife banned him from the internet? Which by the way he is also paying for, so just kick her oof and change the password...no more FB for this beaatch.
 
The writings on the wall I'm afraid. Your wife sounds extremely lazy and sounds like she isn't going to change her ways.

For starters get ridof the maid! Domestic for 3 days a week....unbelievable!
 
MightyQuin said:
And? Or is OP living in England or Wales?

You are also effectively derailing this thread. OP is being emotionally abused.

Back to the food discussion: what is wrong with OP buying, cooking his own food and not sharing it? If his lazy wife wants to feed her self and her mom on takeaways, let her. With her own money, however.

Since she is not earning her own money, OP is providing her with money I assume?

So, no more cash for lazy wife. OP buys groceries for the house and she either cooks it or doesn't eat? Where is the abuse?
OP turns off DSTV. Where is the abuse?
MIL is different kettle of fish, but there is NO legal precedent that can force you to provide accommodation for family. She is not a rent paying tenant.

OP is being abused without doing anything about it.

I wonder where OP has gone, or has his wife banned him from the internet? Which by the way he is also paying for, so just kick her oof and change the password...no more FB for this beaatch.
Click to expand...
Please provide actual links to support your stance as completely legal.
 
MightyQuin said:
And? Or is OP living in England or Wales?

You are also effectively derailing this thread. OP is being emotionally abused.

Back to the food discussion: what is wrong with OP buying, cooking his own food and not sharing it? If his lazy wife wants to feed her self and her mom on takeaways, let her. With her own money, however.

Since she is not earning her own money, OP is providing her with money I assume?

So, no more cash for lazy wife. OP buys groceries for the house and she either cooks it or doesn't eat? Where is the abuse?
OP turns off DSTV. Where is the abuse?
MIL is different kettle of fish, but there is NO legal precedent that can force you to provide accommodation for family. She is not a rent paying tenant.

OP is being abused without doing anything about it.

I wonder where OP has gone, or has his wife banned him from the internet? Which by the way he is also paying for, so just kick her oof and change the password...no more FB for this beaatch.
Click to expand...

i didn't say anything about DSTV, i'm talking strictly about the food. so i got off my phone and went to he PC, to do a little research since we know you won't. i've bolded the point that stands out for me, the wife has no economic resources, and buying food for yourself and none for the wife can be seens as exploiting economic situation.

http://www.divorcelaws.co.za/abuse.html

Economic abuse may involve preventing a victim from resource acquisition, limiting the amount of resources available to him/her, or exploiting the victim’s economic resources.The motive behind preventing a victim from acquiring resources is to diminish his/her capacity to support him/herself, thus forcing the victim to depend on the perpetrator financially. In this way, the perpetrator can prevent the victim from obtaining education, finding employment, maintaining or advancing a career and acquiring assets. The abuser may also put the victim on an allowance and closely monitor how he/she spends money. Sometimes the abuser will spend the victim’s money without his/her consent and create debt, or even completely spend the victim’s savings to limit available resources.
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furthermore, for the MIL, read this.

https://real-estate-law.freeadvice....nt/eviction-of-family-or-friend-from-home.htm

ignore the last bit...that's for the US. i'm looking now for SA.
 
crackersa said:
i didn't say anything about DSTV, i'm talking strictly about the food. so i got off my phone and went to he PC, to do a little research since we know you won't. i've bolded the point that stands out for me, the wife has no economic resources, and buying food for yourself and none for the wife can be seens as exploiting economic situation.
Click to expand...

Classy...( bit in bold).

Secondly are you reading my posts at all? I said that OP can buy groceries for the house and not provide cash for takeaways. There is NO law saying a husband MUST give his wife CASH.
If she still doesn't cook, he can cook only for himself. Providing a cupboard full of dry goods and a freezer full of meat, eggs, milk etc. is NOT being abusive if the wife is too lazy to cook.

And NO, I do NOT have to prove that my stance is "completely legal" ...that is absurd and you know it.
 
MightyQuin said:
Hahahaha..."starve your wife". Have you lost it completely?

Will OP be tying her up in the basement until she starves to death? That is the only way the law can get involved. Otherwise, if she's hungry she can ask help from relatives, friends or even beg on the street.

If I buy my own food and cook and eat it, it's my business. The police will laugh at her.
Click to expand...

MightyQuin said:
And? Or is OP living in England or Wales?

You are also effectively derailing this thread. OP is being emotionally abused.

Back to the food discussion: what is wrong with OP buying, cooking his own food and not sharing it? If his lazy wife wants to feed her self and her mom on takeaways, let her. With her own money, however.

Since she is not earning her own money, OP is providing her with money I assume?

So, no more cash for lazy wife. OP buys groceries for the house and she either cooks it or doesn't eat? Where is the abuse?
OP turns off DSTV. Where is the abuse?
MIL is different kettle of fish, but there is NO legal precedent that can force you to provide accommodation for family. She is not a rent paying tenant.

OP is being abused without doing anything about it.

I wonder where OP has gone, or has his wife banned him from the internet? Which by the way he is also paying for, so just kick her oof and change the password...no more FB for this beaatch.
Click to expand...

MightyQuin said:
Classy...( bit in bold).

Secondly are you reading my posts at all? I said that OP can buy groceries for the house and not provide cash for takeaways. There is NO law saying a husband MUST give his wife CASH.
If she still doesn't cook, he can cook only for himself. Providing a cupboard full of dry goods and a freezer full of meat, eggs, milk etc. is NOT being abusive if the wife is too lazy to cook.

And NO, I do NOT have to prove that my stance is "completely legal" ...that is absurd and you know it.
Click to expand...

only the last post do you clarify that there would be food in the house available to the wife.....completely different from what you were saying (i highlighted that bit for you).

edit - you actually contradict yourself in the second post about not sharing food, and then saying there is food, wife just has to cook it.
 
http://www.divorcelaws.co.za/abuse.html

:whistle:

Emotional, verbal and psychological abuse

Usually a pattern of degrading or humiliating conduct towards the victim privately or publicly, including repeated insults, ridicule, name calling and/or repeated threats to cause emotional pain; or the repeated exhibition of obsessive possessiveness or jealousy, which is such as to constitute a serious invasion of the victim’s privacy, liberty, integrity and/or security.

Other acts that fall under emotional abuse include controlling what the victim can and cannot do, withholding information from the victim, deliberately doing something to make the victim feel diminished or embarrassed, isolating the victim from friends and family, implicitly blackmailing the victim by harming others when the victim expresses independence or happiness, and denying the victim access to money or other basic resources and necessities.
Click to expand...
 
MightyQuin said:
Only children would complicate this. If you do not have children, it's very simple. You earn the money , you make the rules.

Grow a pair of balls FFS !

Domestic worker: Retrench
DSTV: Just cancel it. Don't ask, just do it.
Mother in Law: Give her two months to move out.

Buy your own groceries and cook your own food...for yourself.
If you wife does not earn a cent, cut her off financially.

If you do not do any of the above you are a pu$$y and shouldn't ask for advice on this forum since you are too weak and too scared to take control of your own life.
Click to expand...
This^^^^^ Dont forget the anal!
 
WalkWithMe said:
Ever considered your wife has depression?
Either you want to make your marriage work, then you need to seek marriage councillor or you need to reconsider your marriage.
Click to expand...
You're walk alone on this one. TV and Facebook won't cure her depression if she has, which she obviously doesn't.


Pretty much what MQ said. OP needs to pull out a pen and paper write some house rules and get those 2 lazy bitches to sign or he packs up and fcks off.

But first step is to cancel that abomination called DSTV to show he means business. Kick them where it hurts and then proceed from there.

Man up op and put your foot down ffs.
 
Hello Fake4Post, bearing in mind that we only see your side of the story, I'd like to ask some questions:

Fake4Post said:
Domestic worker : I feel that we don't really need a domestic worker 3 days a week (3 bed 2 bath 1 lounge 1 kitchen) and that we could simply clean , do laundry ourselves . But the wife insists it's to much work for her
Click to expand...
You say that "we" could simply clean. Have you discussed the division of work regarding the cleaning with her? What is your part in the cleaning? How does she feel about it?
Fake4Post said:
DStv : I can't even remember how many times we have had this argument about canceling dstv or simply scaling it down to a smaller package . The tv is permantely occupied by the wife and mother in law who put up a big fuss every time I want to cancel the damn thing . I mean I don't even get to use it considering there is always some drama or something that they have to watch .
Click to expand...
This is obviously a sensitive issue for the two of you. Whether right or wrong, she enjoys the use of it. How much time do the two of you spend together doing things that are meaningful to her? Do you know what is meaningful to her? Have you had the opportunity to ask her recently about what she cares about ?
Fake4Post said:
Wife : Everything in life is so much work accompanied by complaints . I ask her to run a few simple arrends(get food for the house and what not ) and in return I get how tired she is (keep in mind she hasn't worked since the day we got married) right before planting herself in front of the tv or checking Facebook . It's a daily battle to get her to cook anything resulting in every fast food company in the area knowing my name (gained 8kg this year alone)
Click to expand...
Is cooking something that she enjoys and takes pleasure in? Was her culinary skills something that attracted you to her originally?

Fake4Post said:
Mother in law : I got a promise she was simply visiting 2 years ago and until this day she hasn't left occupying my guest bedroom . We simply don't get along due to fact she reinforces my wife's behavior , eating my food and simply costing extra money (easily put she resembles a cross between a cockroach and a rat)
Click to expand...

How did you (assuming that you are the head of the household) allow this situation to happen? Do you and your wife spend any quality time together -- ever? How has it come about that she has replaced you (her husband, soul-mate and confidant) with an ageing old woman? Do you think that she is happy with her choice?

You need to examine your reasons for marrying her in the first place, and if you want to save your marriage, you need to be realistic. You will never change your wife, but you can change yourself.
Try to concern yourself with less about whether she is the perfect wife (they simply do not exist!) and more about being the perfect husband. Make a list of things that she values, things that please her. You should love your wife, and realise that no wife is perfect, and that loving the unlovely is hard work. Do things with her, wives love to be with their husbands (even if it does not make sense to you). As an aside, and looking at your post, why your wife would want to spend time with you God alone knows. But rest assured, as imperfect as you are (and that's an understatement), she wants to spend time with you. Be gentle with her, not "my way or the highway", but loving, kind, and understanding. Sometimes you will need to be firm, but always in a loving, kind and understanding manner.
These things are difficult, I know. But they can make a huge difference between a failed marriage and a good one.
As time progresses, with the love , affection and attention that you give her, she may become the wife that you really want (that's her prerogative). As stated previously, this should not be your objective,because its pretty selfish. A good marriage is about selflessness, personal sacrifice, and forgiveness and definitely not all about you and your desires.

You can change it, by being patient, and by being the change that you want to see.
 
I would leave these two bi-itches as soon as possible get a divorce and sell up and move on.
You will get no sympathy from others on this Forum unless you grow some balls and do something
immediately about your situation. Whatever you do don't have children with this Woman, then your
troubles will really begin.
 
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