My turn for advice

[blunomore]

Those of you who have kids, how do you handle the involvement from the grandparents/family/inlaws?

My family (mom and dad) is really happy and excited for us, but it feels like they are taking over preparations!

They have opened a bank account for the baby, they have bought so many clothes and baby products already, they paid money into my bank account to buy a cot, and now my dad wants to know what the cost of a pram is - obviously also to buy it, or at least fund it.

I know you will say that is so generous of them and we must appreciate (which we do and we make a point of saying thank you a million times), but it feels to me that I am being smothered, with no breathing space !

Despite their generosity, my feeling is that this is our baby and that WE would like to buy certain things for her in preparation for her bith. But before I can even get around to buying something, they have done it already. I cannnot communicate this to them, because I am sure there will be hurt feelings then ...

I feel like I am crowded and just want to run away !!

Help

 

[luxe]

This is "normal." They are just as excited as you are, so let them help in the way which makes them feel like they are doing the best they can for you.

You can still choose which cot you want, they gave you money for it. Don't think of it as they are buying time with your kid, they REALLY just want to help you out, because they love you. If you want something then buy it before they do, but don't be ungrateful, every person in your family is bursting with excitement for you, so don't be a party pooper

 

[Waaib]

+1 for the above but also be ready to set limits especially when it comes to discipline etc.
You may need to tell them in a nice way what you do and don't or will and won't accept.
If possible be open with your feelings so they know. Don't forget they once (probably) had a baby too so they can be reminded of how it felt etc.

 

[blunomore]

+1 for the above but also be ready to set limits especially when it comes to discipline etc.
You may need to tell them in a nice way what you do and don't or will and won't accept.
If possible be open with your feelings so they know. Don't forget they once (probably) had a baby too so they can be reminded of how it felt etc.

That would be me

 

[Picard]

That would be me

You sure?

 

[Mars]

Those of you who have kids, how do you handle the involvement from the grandparents/family/inlaws?

My family (mom and dad) is really happy and excited for us, but it feels like they are taking over preparations!

They have opened a bank account for the baby, they have bought so many clothes and baby products already, they paid money into my bank account to buy a cot, and now my dad wants to know what the cost of a pram is - obviously also to buy it, or at least fund it.

I know you will say that is so generous of them and we must appreciate (which we do and we make a point of saying thank you a million times), but it feels to me that I am being smothered, with no breathing space !

Despite their generosity, my feeling is that this is our baby and that WE would like to buy certain things for her in preparation for her bith. But before I can even get around to buying something, they have done it already. I cannnot communicate this to them, because I am sure there will be hurt feelings then ...

I feel like I am crowded and just want to run away !!

Help

Grandparents are a minefield. I found my in-laws swinging between generosity and petulant selfish childishness. They wanted to be involved, but they wanted us to do the work. They expected us to run after them with the children so they could spend time with them. And when we didn't it caused a whole lot of unpleasantness.

However in the real world, I think its the grandparents job to spoil your children and help you. So if they're offering and not demanding you are in a good place. Buy them a couple of "How to be Grandparents" books to get into the spirit of things.

 

[bwana]

You're going to be forking out a fortune in nappies, baby food, clothing, education, therapy, and whatever for the next 18 years - and they know this - take whatever help you can get now.

 

[blunomore]

You're going to be forking out a fortune in nappies, baby food, clothing, education, therapy, and whatever for the next 18 years - and they know this - take whatever help you can get now.

From my OP, you'll see I am trying to accept it as graciously as I can. It does not diminish the feelings I am having, though.

 

[Budza]

You're going to be forking out a fortune in nappies, baby food, clothing, education, therapy, and whatever for the next 18 years - and they know this - take whatever help you can get now.

True- for any subsequent kids, there'll be no such complaints

 

[ponder]

They have opened a bank account for the baby, they have bought so many clothes and baby products already, they paid money into my bank account to buy a cot, and now my dad wants to know what the cost of a pram is - obviously also to buy it, or at least fund it.

You can still buy what you want to. I reckon all grandparents are like this.

As for the pram tell them what you want an let them buy it, those things are so expensive you need car finance for them

I don't have kids but my mates have and I just observe how things go, sometimes the grandparents can get a bit much but they mean well and keep in mind that you are going to need babysitters in future which they are great for

 

[2old4this]

You're going to be forking out a fortune in nappies, baby food, clothing, education, therapy, and whatever for the next 18 years - and they know this - take whatever help you can get now.

18 years!!! Long time to get weaned over from nappies & baby food!
Ah! The new generation.......

 

[LazyLion]

You're going to be forking out a fortune in nappies, baby food, clothing, education, therapy, and whatever for the next 18 years - and they know this - take whatever help you can get now.

+1 I am happy for the money my parents have spent on my kids, it has helped a lot. Especially in the clothing department.

 

[TheMightyQuin]

+1 I am happy for the money my parents have spent on my kids, it has helped a lot. Especially in the clothing department.

+10...Our second one is on the way and both sets of grandparents are pitching in again. It is VERY expensive, so enjoy the freebies. You have no idea what expenses lie ahead as already mentioned in the posts. It just keeps on adding up. And yes, they will feel that they have "bought" certain rights re. the grand kids, but stay strong when it comes to discipline, especially sleeping and food as the baby becomes a toddler. And remeber it is better to keep the grandparents happy...they are free and willing babysitters and YOU WILL NEED THAT in future. Smile and nod and say thank you a LOT...rasing a baby is tough and ONLY family really pitch in and help...friends normally love to give advice....that you don't want.

 

[RustyPrincess]

You just more emotional about things because of your hormones, once the baby has come, you won't give two tosses about this. You will probably be grateful. Why don't you suggest going to shop for stuff together, so they feel like they a part of it.

 

[fdaniels]

Firstly grats on the baby! I don't have any advice but I imagine that is how grandparents in loving families are.

 

[blunomore]

You just more emotional about things because of your hormones, once the baby has come, you won't give two tosses about this.

How true. I almost murdered the staff at Baby City this morning. Some of the stuff I want is out of stock ... and when I went back 3 weeks later, they are STILL out of stock! The salesperson has the audacity to tell me: It is not our fault, it's the supplier. Hello idiot!! Get another supplier!

 

[Kornhub]

How true. I almost murdered the staff at Baby City this morning. Some of the stuff I want is out of stock ... and when I went back 3 weeks later, they are STILL out of stock! The salesperson has the audacity to tell me: It is not our fault, it's the supplier. Hello idiot!! Get another supplier!

I think I asked for a job at Benmore at that place Just breath blunomore,things will work out

 

[blunomore]

I think I asked for a job at Benmore at that place Just breath blunomore,things will work out

That's my normal personality, with some added hormones.

I am glad you did not get that job - imagine, I may have strangled Korn1 and robbed MyBB of a good member

 

[Kornhub]

That's my normal personality, with some added hormones.

I am glad you did not get that job - imagine, I may have strangled Korn1 and robbed MyBB of a good member

I would of started a thread about b*tchy pregnant women then (If you didn't kill me

 

[The_Omlette]

Balancing out the attention of grandparents is just one (of the many) challenges you have ahead of you. When Mrs. Omlette and I had our first she was the first grandkid on all sides and it went completely pearshaped. My suggestion is to set clear guidelines with both sets of grandparents from day one. Be consistent if you can and share as much of the baby as you are willing to.

Particularly from a time perspective. Grandparents can be the absolute saving grace and provide you and your better half with your own time and space to use for other stuff (sleep is a good option). As for them buying kit, as long as they can afford it, you should let it happen but clearly let them know that there are specific things that you would like to buy. If your dad really is keen encourage investments for education and such, starting when the kiddo is this young they have a loooong time to grow and compound...

Anyway in summary be firm and clear but share as much as you are willing. Its a special moment for you but its equally a big deal for them. Oh and good luck, remember that it is tough but it gets easier and after a while the awesome still remains...