Need some objective advice on the home situation

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broken1

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I am 24, working, and I live at home with my divorced mother.

Life has generally been peaceful, and she has had boyfriends before (about 5). In October last year, she met a guy (lets call him X). After two weeks, X was coming over every night, and staying late. After 3 weeks, he was sleeping over every night and after 4 weeks he had virtually moved in. All was wonderful and he was amazing, until January when they broke up because he was rude and aggressive.

I obviously was not comfortable with all this, and was basically told to get stuffed as my mother said it's her house and she can do what she wanted. From my side, it's very uncomfortable, as I can't move around my house, can't go to the kitchen to get a drink in my pajama's or gown (I feel very uncomfortable infront of these strangers I've only known for a month).

Long story short, it took over 2 months to get the remotes and keys back from X, and in that time he could freely walk in and out of our house if he pleased - something I wasn't comfortable with when they were together, and certainly not comfortable with after they broke up.

Now, she is only BF no 7. Lets call him A. They have been dating for 3 weeks, he is starting to sleep over more and more regularly, eat supper at my house etc. I listen to all the crap how amazing he is, and how he is different and cares and has respect and etc. I made it very clear he is not getting keys from day 1.

Today my mother asked me to organise keys for him and I hit the roof. She claims it's her house and she has made sacrifices for me (her child) and shouldn't she be allowed to be happy blah blah.

From my perspective, it's the worst feeling to be uncomfortable in my own home. Every time I walk in, I have to deal with this stranger, I can't relax at home. The ultimate solution is to move out of home, but I currently do not earn enough to rent somewhere and I am trying to save the little bit I can to buy/ rent somewhere next year when I get a better job.

What do I do? My mother is totally unreasonable and feels it's her house and she can do what she wants.

Just looking for some perspective I guess.
 
Well dude the simple fact of the matter it is her house and she can do as she pleases, bare in you may be 24 but she is still your mother and you have virtually no say in what she does considering you live under her roof.

So suck it up or move out. Trying to tell your mother how to live her life will never go down well dude :D.
 
It is her house and she deserves a life. Its time for you to either accept it, or leave.
 
Have you explained to her why you're uncomfortable, in a calm and rational way? Sounds stupid, but most of the time when families discuss matters like these they turn into rip-roaring arguments as opposed to sensible conversation. Maybe explain to her from your point of view and ask if there is some middle ground that you can find.

Clearly there is no action that you can take - unless making his life tricky (and in turn your mom's) is what you want to do - but probably not the best option at all.

If your mom is still completely unreasonable, then there really isn't much that you can do apart from finding a room-mate to spolit rental costs with you...
 
Are you male or female? If you are female then I do understand and share your concern wholeheartedly. You don't know these men from a bar of soap... you don't know what they are capable off.

Either way, give your mother an ultimatum: She has 2 weeks to move the guy out or you go. There are a lot of places where people are looking to share a townhouse or a flat. You can even board in someone's house or find a little garden cottage to rent. I can guarantee you that she will realise her mistake (even if it takes a while) and realise that her child is more important than a quick shag with a virtual stranger. Your mom sounds if she is very dependant and needs a man around to be happy. It is not fair on you. Yes, if it was a serious relationship then one will understand the guy moving in after dating your mom for a couple of months. Anycase what type of guys are she dating? It seems as if they are just using her for a roof over their heads.

I think that especially if you are paying boarding you have the right to object to being exposed to rift-raft & immoral situations.
 
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Cheri_N said:
Are you male or female? If you are female then I do understand and share your concern wholeheartedly. You don't know these men from a bar of soap... you don't know what they are capable off.

Either way, give your mother an ultimatum: She has 2 weeks to move the guy out or you go. There are a lot of places where people are looking to share a townhouse or a flat. You can even board in someone's house or find a little garden cottage to rent. I can guarantee you that she will realise her mistake (even if it takes a while) and realise that her child is more important than a quick shag with a virtual stranger. Your mom sounds if she is very dependable and needs a man around to be happy. It is not fair on you. Yes, if it was a serious relationship then one will understand the guy moving in after dating your mom for a couple of months. Anycase what type of guys are she dating? It seems as if they are just using her for a roof over their heads.

I think that especially if you are paying boarding you have the right to object to being exposed to rift-raft & immoral situations.
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Yeah, I think that’s the best advice. Also factor-in that you’re not suggesting she blight her love-life on your behalf – just that she stays over at his place for all-nighters. I will add though, if you are going to run a bluff (ultimatum about moving out) be prepared to have it called.
 
Cheri_N said:
I think that especially if you are paying boarding you have the right to object to being exposed to rift-raft & immoral situations.
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What is Rift-Raft ? :confused::wtf:

I hope you weren't going for riff-raff.
 
Why not get a granny flat ? They are not that expensive and then you can still get yourself a better place next year when you earn more.
 
Send your mother to TARA or any mental institution, or IF you are a really hot girl, you are more then welcome to come live with me :) hahahaha
 
You're 24 and you don't like living with your mother? Move out.
 
Palimino said:
This is quaint. I specialize in those type ‘immoral situations’’.
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Really?

You have a different guy move in with you every so often? You screw a virtual stranger with your child (albeit an adult one) in the house? You have no consideration for your own child’s feelings? Hmmm and here I thought parents should live exemplary lives for their kids in order to gain & keep their respect. How silly of me.
 
killadoob said:
Well dude the simple fact of the matter it is her house and she can do as she pleases, bare in you may be 24 but she is still your mother and you have virtually no say in what she does considering you live under her roof.

So suck it up or move out. Trying to tell your mother how to live her life will never go down well dude :D.
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^ This.
 
Your mom clearly has issues with men. I suggest she go see a counselor because new men moving in after 4 weeks repeatedly is not healthy.

I listen to all the crap how amazing he is, and how he is different and cares and has respect and etc.
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Exactly, it is crap. You know it, I would bet on it and probably everyone else that knows your mother knows it. BS he is different. Any guy will "be different" if some chick is gonna let him get some nookie in a week or 2.
 
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