Office Politics

[DrewChan]

Long Story,

Holding a meeting with my manager today regarding our interaction with each other (I initiated the meeting)

She is extremely passive agressive and generally "overly friendly" whereas I am very logical and straight forward.

Our loop (for the past 4 years) has been

Manager: "Passive aggressive comment" -leads to
Me: "Assertive/aggressive rebuttal" -leads to
Manager: "Falls to pieces"

I would love to break the cycle but its tremendously difficult for me to handle this kind of behaviour. I find it far easier to handle forward behaviour vs. snide comments.

Example 1:

Manager asked me to look her in the eyes so she could see if I was lying about something. I viewed this as very unprofessional and told her to "please not talk to me like that, it is inappropriate and I am neither her child nor friend - leading to "fall to pieces mode.

Example 2:

I request that we have a meeting regarding our conflicts when communicating, she starts shaking and says she can't talk to me, I must e-mail all my problems, warning me that she will do the same (common habit, if I bring up a topic of concern she will deflect with a concern of her own).

Reading this to myself, I realise it seems like a "1st world problems post" but anyone that has been in this situation I think could relate. This has almost lead to both of us quitting in the past.

*Note this is not a flat company organogram wise so theoretically without me doing something extreme there is no possibility of being fired. I just want a more peacable work place.

What are MyBBs thoughts.

 

[Aghori]

Escalate the issue if you cannot come to an agreeable long-term solution.

 

[GreGorGy]

Are you aggressive?

 

[I.am.Sam]

is she hot ...

 

[I.am.Sam]

Are you aggressive?

this is drew

can he be aggressive

 

[DrewChan]

Are you aggressive?

I can get verbally impatient,

Example:

I provided proof of days off with sick notes, manager argued stating I am lying, I provided further proof and suggested she call the Drs reception, she declines and says she still doesn't believe me. I state what she believes is irrelevant in a rather harsh voice. Queue fall to pieces -

Apart from that the worst I ever did was refuse a request (as it was literally impossible) she got upset and said "I am your manager I order you to listen" I replied that she could order until shes blue in the face the request is not feasable.

 

[bandooq]

Try to accept that she is the way she is. I'm sure the situation will improve then.

 

[GreGorGy]

I can get verbally impatient,

Example:

I provided proof of days off with sick notes, manager argued stating I am lying, I provided further proof and suggested she call the Drs reception, she declines and says she still doesn't believe me. I state what she believes is irrelevant in a rather harsh voice. Queue fall to pieces -

Apart from that the worst I ever did was refuse a request (as it was literally impossible) she got upset and said "I am your manager I order you to listen" I replied that she could order until shes blue in the face the request is not feasable.

Sounds like she is a wallflower waiting to wilt at the earliest possible sign of heat. On the flip side, you're the sun waiting to burn the next thing that walks past. Can't be a very nice environment but since you're not the one falling to pieces, you're left to feel guilt at the end of the day. Without going into too much detail I have worked in similar environments and the way forward was an intervention from outside. Not because it resolved the conflict mind you, but because it gave each person the necessary assessment of the situation so that their performances could not be negatively impacted by the other.

 

[sk33Lo]

Bang her.



Does she understand the nature of what it is that you do there? I ask this with reference to the impossible request.

 

[DrewChan]

Try to accept that she is the way she is. I'm sure the situation will improve then.

Same suggestion a friend gave me, alas we are in each others space a LOT, and there are certain things I am wiling to accept and certain things I am not.

 

[RanzB]

Long Story,

Holding a meeting with my manager today regarding our interaction with each other (I initiated the meeting)

She is extremely passive agressive and generally "overly friendly" whereas I am very logical and straight forward.

Our loop (for the past 4 years) has been

Manager: "Passive aggressive comment" -leads to
Me: "Assertive/aggressive rebuttal" -leads to
Manager: "Falls to pieces"

I would love to break the cycle but its tremendously difficult for me to handle this kind of behaviour. I find it far easier to handle forward behaviour vs. snide comments.

Example 1:

Manager asked me to look her in the eyes so she could see if I was lying about something. I viewed this as very unprofessional and told her to "please not talk to me like that, it is inappropriate and I am neither her child nor friend - leading to "fall to pieces mode.

Example 2:

I request that we have a meeting regarding our conflicts when communicating, she starts shaking and says she can't talk to me, I must e-mail all my problems, warning me that she will do the same (common habit, if I bring up a topic of concern she will deflect with a concern of her own).

Reading this to myself, I realise it seems like a "1st world problems post" but anyone that has been in this situation I think could relate. This has almost lead to both of us quitting in the past.

*Note this is not a flat company organogram wise so theoretically without me doing something extreme there is no possibility of being fired. I just want a more peacable work place.

What are MyBBs thoughts.

Seems like you have made an effort to rectify the issues which she has shot down. If this was done in person, put through another email so it's on the record. If she shoots it down again, the issue becomes clear that she's not willing to work on the problem.

Apart from counselling (long shot and a stretch I know, especially between co-workers I reckon) if she's not willing to discuss the issue it's not going to get better.

 

[DrewChan]

Sounds like she is a wallflower waiting to wilt at the earliest possible sign of heat. On the flip side, you're the sun waiting to burn the next thing that walks past. Can't be a very nice environment but since you're not the one falling to pieces, you're left to feel guilt at the end of the day. Without going into too much detail I have worked in similar environments and the way forward was an intervention from outside. Not because it resolved the conflict mind you, but because it gave each person the necessary assessment of the situation so that their performances could not be negatively impacted by the other.

Good suggestion, I was contemplating a mediator.

 

[DrewChan]

Seems like you have made an effort to rectify the issues which she has shot down. If this was done in person, put through another email so it's on the record. If she shoots it down again, the issue becomes clear that she's not willing to work on the problem.

Apart from counselling (long shot and a stretch I know, especially between co-workers I reckon) if she's not willing to discuss the issue it's not going to get better.

I believe if she could see and understand the problem she would be willing to work through it, unfortuntely she sees any approach regarding problems as combatitive - you can literally see her fear, and comments simply bounce off her as she tries to escape or deflect issues.

If it wasn't so hard to live with it would be amusing

 

[RanzB]

I believe if she could see and understand the problem she would be willing to work through it, unfortuntely she sees any approach regarding problems as combatitive - you can literally see her fear, and comments simply bounce off her as she tries to escape or deflect issues.

Which doesn't help you if she refuses to even properly address the issue unfortunately. She sounds like any attempt to have a frank conversation would result in her seeing it as an attack from your side on her.

 

[Electric]

Explain 'falling to pieces'.

 

[DrewChan]

Explain 'falling to pieces'.

Generally, red face/shaking, inability to communicate. Will escape situation by literally walking away as quickly as possible.

Basically a "shut down" of communication

 

[Ancalagon]

Sounds like she has major issues. How can someone so passive aggressive and conflict avoidant be a manager?

 

[Electric]

Sounds like she has major issues. How can someone so passive aggressive and conflict avoidant be a manager?

That was going to be my question as well.

 

[roskii]

Sounds very much like the situation between my manager and myself.

I have a performance review @ 11, going to lay it all out. Can't withhold how I am feeling about our current situation.

 

[GreGorGy]

Sounds like she has major issues. How can someone so passive aggressive and conflict avoidant be a manager?

Probably empowerment: we need a senior disadvantaged manager so let's move that chick into the position. Whether or not she is competent is of no consequence - the numbers have been made.