Office Politics

[DrewChan]

We did a communcations course revolving around conflict (company sponsored), she scored zero for conflict handling ( we went on the same course albeit on different dates)

I do know the problem, her daughter got her the job, she applied for the position and was asked to do a project plan/forecasting as part of the interview. She openly admitted to me her daughter did the entire project (Daughter has a doctorate in law and is amazingly bright)

The company can't really say "oops we made a mistake" and move her. I am also not going to tattle and give away the secret. She is however completely put of her depth.

 

[Drifter]

Time to set up a meeting between yourselves and HR. You guys need to resolve this and need a mediator.

 

[MrGray]

Not sure there is any point in having a meeting. It will probably just turn into a mutual points scoring session.

The only reason your colleague repeats the passive aggressive behaviour is because she knows that you react with anger and that is her payoff - she knows how to press your buttons and that causes her immense pleasure.

I have found the best response is to be completely dead pan and non-emotional and stick professionally to the task at hand, no matter what. It's hard but it gets easier - just ignore the barbs and continue as if they didn't happen. Your lack of reaction will eventually lead them to stop when they realise they are futile, although they might cause them an initial explosion of rage as they try harder and harder to get a reaction without a response, but that will only serve to make them look like a looney and possibly re-evaluate their own behaviour.

It helps to practise this mentally in your head first. Think of the top 3 things she says or does things she says that really make you seethe, and imagine yourself responding as if nothing had happened in a perfectly business-like way. Have an exit strategy if it's just getting too much and you know you won't be able to retain your composure - tell her you need to go to the toilet or make some coffee, calm down, regain your composure and return.

Trust me, this is freaking hard at first but eventually they will be completely deflated and either stop the behaviour or have some kind of catharsis.

 

[Maverick Jester]

You're still working for this woman? Geez, thought you got out of this last year.

 

[Randux]

Clearly she's in to you.

 

[OrbitalDawn]

She sounds like a child shoved into a situation she can't handle.

Does she have the same problem with other colleagues?

 

[DrewChan]

Not sure there is any point in having a meeting. It will probably just turn into a mutual points scoring session.

The only reason your colleague repeats the passive aggressive behaviour is because she knows that you react with anger and that is her payoff - she knows how to press your buttons and that causes her immense pleasure.

I have found the best response is to be completely dead pan and non-emotional and stick professionally to the task at hand, no matter what. It's hard but it gets easier - just ignore the barbs and continue as if they didn't happen. Your lack of reaction will eventually lead them to stop when they realise they are futile, although they might cause them an initial explosion of rage as they try harder and harder to get a reaction without a response, but that will only serve to make them look like a looney and possibly re-evaluate their own behaviour.

It helps to practise this mentally in your head first. Think of the top 3 things she says or does things she says that really make you seethe, and imagine yourself responding as if nothing had happened in a perfectly business-like way. Have an exit strategy if it's just getting too much and you know you won't be able to retain your composure - tell her you need to go to the toilet or make some coffee, calm down, regain your composure and return.

Trust me, this is freaking hard at first but eventually they will be completely deflated and either stop the behaviour or have some kind of catharsis.

Very possibly true, she always seems suprisingly smug after shes made me angry enough to snap, and she's had her tantrum.

 

[GreGorGy]

She sounds like a child shoved into a situation she can't handle.

Does she have the same problem with other colleagues?

Erm,

her daughter ... has a doctorate in law

Unless the daughter is prodigious, she sound like a grandma who should be at home surrounded by cats and the smell of old pee...

Clearly she's in to you.

...and if Drew want to win Grab-a-granny, he has the perfect opportunity.

JUST NOT MY GRANDMA!

 

[DrewChan]

She sounds like a child shoved into a situation she can't handle.

Does she have the same problem with other colleagues?

Im her only real colleague, besides temps who wouldn't say boo to a ghost. If someone is her peer or manager/superior she is very meek and will avoid conflict at all costs by agreeing with everything and laughing nervously

 

[DrewChan]

You're still working for this woman? Geez, thought you got out of this last year.

Working on it, 99% chance I have promotion - waiting patiently for paperwork from senior management and HR

 

[bandooq]

Paint ball team building!

 

[jacodebeer]

I'm almost in the same situation, it sucks and its demoralizing, I hate going to work! I need a new job!
I hope you get that promotion so that you don't have to deal with her anymore as your superior!

 

[DrewChan]

I'm almost in the same situation, it sucks and its demoralizing, I hate going to work! I need a new job!
I hope you get that promotion so that you don't have to deal with her anymore as your superior!

Thanks, ^_^

I don't think I would have survived this long if I didn't like my company and go on that communications course. Was amazing