On the rocks

[ToxicBunny]

Reading some previous things he has posted I have an idea it was infidelity...

If thats the case, then the wife still needs to man the fsck up and kick him out, and then sort her own life out and move out from underneath mommy's wing.

 

[AstroTurf]

If thats the case, then the wife still needs to man the fsck up and kick him out, and then sort her own life out and move out from underneath mommy's wing.

I really have no idea if he said it in jest or not and even if I did know it's his stuff to sort, not mine.

like sleeping with my wifes best friends.

http://mybroadband.co.za/vb/showthr...ept-secret?p=13151686&highlight=#post13151686

 

[Cube3]

I really have no idea if he said it in jest or not and even if I did know it's his stuff to sort, not mine.



http://mybroadband.co.za/vb/showthr...ept-secret?p=13151686&highlight=#post13151686

No infidelity, and that post was a joke, there's never been anything like that, always loyal to each other since we met.

Just said some nasty **** once that hurt her feelings and when I did it she put up "defensive walls" and never put them down again.

I think the MIL will use my daughter against me though, she is not a nice person. She hates all men, because she was beaten and raped by her husband back in the day. If I need to, I will sell my flat and use the money to legally get full custody of my daughter.

Re the wife and her pets... she believes they are her babies. We have had so many arguments about the dogs.. and when we cant afford specific things she demands for the dogs, then she would rather go hungry and give them what she wants them to have.... If it comes to it, and I hope it doesn't, because she is a wonderful mother, I will remove my daughter from that life and influence.

 

[Bar0n]

Re the wife and her pets... she believes they are her babies. We have had so many arguments about the dogs.. and when we cant afford specific things she demands for the dogs, then she would rather go hungry and give them what she wants them to have....

:wtf:

 

[yebocan]

...dude,...get the hell away from the mother in law...that will resolve 95% of your issues...!

 

[CamiKaze]

Tell your wife you are sorry for breaking trust. Show committment to fixing it and make sure you and your wife either move on or out. Divorce sucks but a prison of unhappiness sucks way worse. You can be a great dad without being a miserable disparaged husband.good luck bud

+1

 

[TelkomUseless]

No infidelity, and that post was a joke, there's never been anything like that, always loyal to each other since we met.

Just said some nasty **** once that hurt her feelings and when I did it she put up "defensive walls" and never put them down again.

I think the MIL will use my daughter against me though, she is not a nice person. She hates all men, because she was beaten and raped by her husband back in the day. If I need to, I will sell my flat and use the money to legally get full custody of my daughter.

Re the wife and her pets... she believes they are her babies. We have had so many arguments about the dogs.. and when we cant afford specific things she demands for the dogs, then she would rather go hungry and give them what she wants them to have.... If it comes to it, and I hope it doesn't, because she is a wonderful mother, I will remove my daughter from that life and influence.

how old are you and the wife? We love our dogs, but they are not kids (we have 2 daughters).

Dude... your wife needs to wake up and grow up. If she doesn't your marriage won't last. Selling your property to get kids will be a waste of money. I have seen it with my brother.. end of the day, the lawyers will score all that money, and you will be minus money and kid...

Wtf is with the "defense" wall? A man and wife don't have a "defense wall" between each other. Only when they are preparing for a divorce or are seriously unhappy.. like on the way out unhappy.

 

[AstroTurf]

No infidelity, and that post was a joke, there's never been anything like that, always loyal to each other since we met.

Just said some nasty **** once that hurt her feelings and when I did it she put up "defensive walls" and never put them down again.

I think the MIL will use my daughter against me though, she is not a nice person. She hates all men, because she was beaten and raped by her husband back in the day. If I need to, I will sell my flat and use the money to legally get full custody of my daughter.

Re the wife and her pets... she believes they are her babies. We have had so many arguments about the dogs.. and when we cant afford specific things she demands for the dogs, then she would rather go hungry and give them what she wants them to have.... If it comes to it, and I hope it doesn't, because she is a wonderful mother, I will remove my daughter from that life and influence.

Well I think you should sell the flat or rent it out and use the income to either buy or rent a small house or simplex/complex that allows you to keep pets.

You need to get her out of the comfort zone she is in at the moment because that MIL needs to be out of your day to day lives (and the next time you see the MIL after that should be in your turf, not hers).

 

[ToxicBunny]

No infidelity, and that post was a joke, there's never been anything like that, always loyal to each other since we met.

Just said some nasty **** once that hurt her feelings and when I did it she put up "defensive walls" and never put them down again.

I think the MIL will use my daughter against me though, she is not a nice person. She hates all men, because she was beaten and raped by her husband back in the day. If I need to, I will sell my flat and use the money to legally get full custody of my daughter.

Re the wife and her pets... she believes they are her babies. We have had so many arguments about the dogs.. and when we cant afford specific things she demands for the dogs, then she would rather go hungry and give them what she wants them to have.... If it comes to it, and I hope it doesn't, because she is a wonderful mother, I will remove my daughter from that life and influence.

Your wife needs to sort her shyte out in respect of the pets..

She is hampering her own life by behaving the way she is, and I'm pretty sure any counselor will tell her as much.

As for the nasty stuff you said to her, this may sound very harsh, but she needs to grow up. We all say nasty things from time to time and yes it takes a while to get over but you do get over it and move on. I've said some VERY nasty things to my gf and she has said nasty things to me.. we have issues, then we move on and get over it.

 

[Replay]

...dude,...get the hell away from the mother in law...that will resolve 95% of your issues...!

this

You'll see how things develop from the re. The wife....meaning how serious she is about your relationship and marriage.
Also don't be too hasty in selling the property for custody case. First explain situation with a legal entity and get advice in terms of chances for full custody. If your wife is sane and can provide in a healthy environment, there's no reason for the court to give you full custody.
That bridge you can cross when you get there. Something I've learned with my daughter and ex, was to treat my ex nice for the sake of my child. That way I got to see my kid more because ex was more lenient

 

[AstroTurf]

That bridge you can cross when you get there. Something I've learned with my daughter and ex, was to treat my ex nice for the sake of my child. That way I got to see my kid more because ex was more lenient

Not just for the sake of your kids, For the sake of being a mature adult.

 

[CamiKaze]

Get your own place, take your wife and kid and be extremely firm about it.
Your wife is in a state where she is mentally stuck now due to the influence of your MIL, so it will take time for her to "man up".
It's not as simple as just man-ing up given the environment that she is stuck in. You will lose the argument 11 out of 10 times because you come home from work at 7 and only have a few hours to have a serious talk before you go to sleep...whereas her mom is with her 24/7...What did you expect? There is no man-ing up for her in this situation and the more you talk about it the more her mom will influence her.


I am sorry to hear about your story but i think that you have be more of a man and get the F*** out with her and your kid only, almost as if you are forcing the situation. Leave the rest of the fam behind because the 2nd step is to rehabilitate the relationship and believe you me, this is going to be a mfk'n tough task (the rehabilitation part). That is the only way that I see a fix to all of this.

 

[AstroTurf]

I am sorry to hear about your story but i think that you have be more of a man and get the F*** out with her and your kid only, almost as if you are forcing the situation. Leave the rest of the fam behind because the 2nd step is to rehabilitate the relationship and believe you me, this is going to be a mfk'n tough task (the rehabilitation part). That is the only way that I see a fix to all of this.

I think moving into a different place with her will help fix things. Moving is a bit stressful but can also be therapeutic, especially if you give her the reigns when it comes to where anything and everything goes.

 

[Cube3]

I'm 35, she's 32.

Getting away from the MIL is my priority and wife she won't come with due to the dogs not being allowed at the flat. We looked at getting a place , but to rent a place with the dogs was a nightmare... and its expensive... I mean our combined income isn't great and Cape Town rentals are not that cheap. So our one option was my flat, which would give us our space and time to work on things.

I think the reason why the stuff I said was such an issue is because t he wife also had a history of abusive relationships, together with her father, so she might have automatically associated it with something like that.

I don't think she will ever change, I hope she does, but I also have to be realistic.

 

[ToxicBunny]

I'm 35, she's 32.

Getting away from the MIL is my priority and wife she won't come with due to the dogs not being allowed at the flat. We looked at getting a place , but to rent a place with the dogs was a nightmare... and its expensive... I mean our combined income isn't great and Cape Town rentals are not that cheap. So our one option was my flat, which would give us our space and time to work on things.

I think the reason why the stuff I said was such an issue is because t he wife also had a history of abusive relationships, together with her father, so she might have automatically associated it with something like that.

I don't think she will ever change, I hope she does, but I also have to be realistic.

From everything I'm hearing, your wife actually needs to see a shrink... you might also, but she has issues from other relationships that she is projecting onto yours, and I would hazard a guess that the extreme attachment to pets is also related to the issues from the previous relationships.

 

[Nerfherder]

Kill the old bat for the life insurance... thats all.

 

[TofuMofu]

Sorry to hear about your dilemma.

It's not easy to "help" from the side line, but she can't expect you to live with MIL just because of the dogs. That's just crazy.

And the fact that you have no personal life (gym) just so you can support her while she works half a day isn't fair either.

Most mothers work full time in this day and age. It's a hard life and everyone needs to help out with the finances.

As AstroTurf said though. Keep it mature. You still want to have access to your child.

 

[TofuMofu]

Kill the old bat for the life insurance... thats all.

lol!

 

[CamiKaze]

I don't think she will ever change, I hope she does, but I also have to be realistic.

You are basing this on your current situation cos that's where your mind is stuck as well. Change is most likely to come after you and her are alone.

 

[Cube3]

Kill the old bat for the life insurance... thats all.

Oh how I dream about this on the drive home...... I think Satan is keeping her alive because he's scared she will come to hell when she dies.