On the rocks

Cube3

Expert Member
Joined
Jun 3, 2008
Messages
1,341
So the marriage is going down the drain....

Been living with my gf and now wife, during her pregnancy and after for the last year and a half... with her mother in law and brother. Mother in law hates me, critical of everything I do.

I know I'm not the best person, I mean I probably neglected my wife during her pregnancy or didn't fulfill everything she wished. She has bipolar and HMS and since the baby, has struggled big time with chronic pain and depression. Ideally she wants to work half day, mornings, so she can look after the baby after that. Also the time would be ideal for her as she really gets exhausted in her current job working till late with kids.

She said she's been shut off to me since before we got married because I said some stupid stuff, which broke her trust... hell I said some stupid things in my time.

Ah well trying to fix things, without actually getting it right... find the mother in law wants me to get a 2nd job, wants me to earn more.... I am now earning more and then I was criticized again for not earning enough, sure a 2nd job... I get home at around 7pm from the first job, my gym activity has gone down the drain because I had to stop that, I was being selfish going to gym 3 to 4 days a week.

Lets not forget, since the wife decided the trust was broken, we haven't been intimate, hold hands, kiss , nothing.... in well over a year... but I care about her and I pay for everything I can afford and want the best for my kid...

We can't afford a place of our own, aside from the fact that I own a flat, a flat won't cater for all her pets... so we need a house with a garden in a decent area for future schooling possibilities.... which I/we cannot afford. So we stay here, with the mother, who has something negative to say about me almost daily.... urgh.... so we had a lot of fights, a lot of threats about moving out and a lot of apologies, lets work things out...

Mother tells me to get out of her house... asap.... we had an argument, so now I'm started packing my things, and the wife is apparently shattered... still showing no emotion, will not say anything like "please don't go" or "get the **** out"... just that when she's quiet, it hurts the most.

My daughter is crying in the background, she's 1, she knows whats going on. The mother is quiet, probably rejoicing on the inside while the family falls apart.....

We both made mistakes, but mine are far worse from what I've heard. Luckily I'm currently bottling up all this anger and pain, hopefully it comes out another day when I'm all alone somewhere.

All the times I wanted to move out with her, start our life, we couldn't because we couldn't afford a place for the dogs..... now she can keep everything, and live with her mother, and i'll be history.
 

ToxicBunny

Oi! Leave me out of this...
Joined
Apr 8, 2006
Messages
113,630
Simple, the mother-in-law must back the fsck off...

You need some time with your wife alone so that you can "fix" things..

The wife needs to give up the pets in my opinion, it shouldn't even be an issue.
 

BinaryJack

Spam
Joined
Feb 6, 2008
Messages
27,563
Jesus H Christ.
I have nothing to say.

All the best with both of you, sometimes it just doesn't work out, no matter how hard you try.
 

Pho3nix

The Legend
Joined
Jul 31, 2009
Messages
30,594
Simple, the mother-in-law must back the fsck off...

You need some time with your wife alone so that you can "fix" things..

The wife needs to give up the pets in my opinion, it shouldn't even be an issue.

+1

Good luck though OP. Everything quoted is my exact reaction.
Move out, lessen the pet's issue (leave them with mother-in-law). Fix things with your wife.
 

AstroTurf

Lucky Shot
Joined
May 13, 2010
Messages
30,550
The last time I had issues with a parent was when I was in matric and my girlfriends alcoholic, abusive father did not like me.
He slapped her in front of me, I nearly hospitalised him, it was almost the end of that relationship but anyway, back to your issues.

You need to get your wife and child out of your MIL''s control.
With my wife the issue is with my mother. I know it hurts but I have completely cut ties, for you this will not be so easy to do and i do not suggest even trying it, totally different situation.

Seriously though, move out, even if you have to rent a small house to accommodate the animals. You need things to be put back into perspective and having your MIL in the picture makes that impossible.
 

Crowley

Executive Member
Joined
Jun 9, 2006
Messages
7,716
Agreed. Get your own place and leave the pets with the dragon in law.
 

FarligOpptreden

Executive Member
Joined
Mar 5, 2007
Messages
5,396
There'd an old saying along the lines of "there must be leaving before there's cleaving", playing on the biblical idea that a man would leave his parents and cleave to his wife. I think this applies to your situation in that you both should leave your parents and cleave to each other. You can't create your own family while your wife is still living in hers...
 

funkzar

Well-Known Member
Joined
Dec 25, 2007
Messages
254
So the marriage is going down the drain....

Been living with my gf and now wife, during her pregnancy and after for the last year and a half... with her mother in law and brother. Mother in law hates me, critical of everything I do.

I know I'm not the best person, I mean I probably neglected my wife during her pregnancy or didn't fulfill everything she wished. She has bipolar and HMS and since the baby, has struggled big time with chronic pain and depression. Ideally she wants to work half day, mornings, so she can look after the baby after that. Also the time would be ideal for her as she really gets exhausted in her current job working till late with kids.

She said she's been shut off to me since before we got married because I said some stupid stuff, which broke her trust... hell I said some stupid things in my time.

Ah well trying to fix things, without actually getting it right... find the mother in law wants me to get a 2nd job, wants me to earn more.... I am now earning more and then I was criticized again for not earning enough, sure a 2nd job... I get home at around 7pm from the first job, my gym activity has gone down the drain because I had to stop that, I was being selfish going to gym 3 to 4 days a week.

Lets not forget, since the wife decided the trust was broken, we haven't been intimate, hold hands, kiss , nothing.... in well over a year... but I care about her and I pay for everything I can afford and want the best for my kid...

We can't afford a place of our own, aside from the fact that I own a flat, a flat won't cater for all her pets... so we need a house with a garden in a decent area for future schooling possibilities.... which I/we cannot afford. So we stay here, with the mother, who has something negative to say about me almost daily.... urgh.... so we had a lot of fights, a lot of threats about moving out and a lot of apologies, lets work things out...

Mother tells me to get out of her house... asap.... we had an argument, so now I'm started packing my things, and the wife is apparently shattered... still showing no emotion, will not say anything like "please don't go" or "get the **** out"... just that when she's quiet, it hurts the most.

My daughter is crying in the background, she's 1, she knows whats going on. The mother is quiet, probably rejoicing on the inside while the family falls apart.....

We both made mistakes, but mine are far worse from what I've heard. Luckily I'm currently bottling up all this anger and pain, hopefully it comes out another day when I'm all alone somewhere.

All the times I wanted to move out with her, start our life, we couldn't because we couldn't afford a place for the dogs..... now she can keep everything, and live with her mother, and i'll be history.

Tell your wife you are sorry for breaking trust. Show committment to fixing it and make sure you and your wife either move on or out. Divorce sucks but a prison of unhappiness sucks way worse. You can be a great dad without being a miserable disparaged husband.good luck bud
 

noxibox

Honorary Master
Joined
Apr 6, 2005
Messages
23,348
If you intend to be part of your child's life you need to get your wife away from her mother, even if ultimately you dissolve the marriage. You don't need a negative grandparent trying to drive a wedge between you and your child.

Your wife should tell you what it is you allegedly said to supposedly break her trust.
 

Replay

Executive Member
Joined
Jun 11, 2014
Messages
6,569
Simple, the mother-in-law must back the fsck off...

You need some time with your wife alone so that you can "fix" things..

The wife needs to give up the pets in my opinion, it shouldn't even be an issue.
What has been said here. You need to take control of the situation....deep down I'm sure your wife is dying for you to take the lead.
If you chat with your SO alone, tell her that she must ask her mom to take care of the dogs and make it clear to her that you guys need to live alone as a family
 

SauRoNZA

Honorary Master
Joined
Jul 6, 2010
Messages
47,910
Been living with my gf and now wife, during her pregnancy and after for the last year and a half... with her mother in law and brother. Mother in law hates me, critical of everything I do.

Stopped reading just about there, because that's your problem.

Go live on your own with your wife, bet the problems with all go away.
 

GreGorGy

BULLSFAN
Joined
Jan 18, 2005
Messages
15,289
The tragedy here is the kid. If it weren't for the child involved, I'd tell you to cut your losses and run as far and as far as your legs will take you. If there is anyway you can do this and take the kid with, get going now. The thing BPMD (and other bat-shift selfish disorders like it) manifest in the child as well - maybe now, maybe when they're adult. I am in two minds as to whether this manifestation is nature or nurture.

If it is nature, you need to be there to support and help the child. If it is nurture (as I suspect) leaving with the child may just save it from a life of hell.
 

maumau

Honorary Master
Joined
Aug 13, 2009
Messages
20,282
Cube3 your story's tragic.

Being bullied by MIL's not on. She's ruling the household and your baby's an innocent victim of a potentially broken home. If your wife wants the marriage to work, that woman and your wife's brother have got to go, maybe the dogs too.

Have you been to marriage counselling?
 

syntax

Executive Member
Joined
May 16, 2008
Messages
8,662
Hard because this is 1 side of the story.
But above advice is right

you need your own place
you need to stand up against her family if they are beating you down
wife needs to meet you at least half way
sometimes being together can be worse for the child than being separated but happy
 

Cube3

Expert Member
Joined
Jun 3, 2008
Messages
1,341
Thanks for the feedback. We've been seeing a marriage councillor for 6 or 7 weeks and the issue that comes up is the mother in law. Wife agrees also, but she is not in a good position to move out due to her love for her dogs and our financial situation.

I've now moved out. Take it from here. Want what is best for my daughter and if we flourish apart then so be it.
 

TelkomUseless

Honorary Master
Joined
Mar 13, 2006
Messages
14,793
your wife has to man up and go with you. F the MIL, F the pets.. if your wife want's YOU she must put you first with kid. She wants to stay with mommy dearest... then so be it (then there is no future for you with her).

I don't know what you said to "scar" her for life.. but seriously, she can't hold it against you forever. She must get over it and you guys must live as a family.
 
Last edited:

ToxicBunny

Oi! Leave me out of this...
Joined
Apr 8, 2006
Messages
113,630
Thanks for the feedback. We've been seeing a marriage councillor for 6 or 7 weeks and the issue that comes up is the mother in law. Wife agrees also, but she is not in a good position to move out due to her love for her dogs and our financial situation.

I've now moved out. Take it from here. Want what is best for my daughter and if we flourish apart then so be it.

You wife needs to man the fsck up..

The dogs won't die without her around.. she NEEDS to move out, and you need to struggle through the financial issues together.. if it ends up with you seperating then so be it, but if she stays in that house you WILL seperate and it will happen sooner rather than later, and the MIL will use your daughter against you every single time.
 

AstroTurf

Lucky Shot
Joined
May 13, 2010
Messages
30,550
your wife has to man up and go with you. F the MIL, F the pets.. if your wife want's YOU she must put you first with kid. She wants to stay with mommy dearest... then so be it (then there is no future for you with her).

I don't know what you said to "scar" her for life.. but seriously, she can't hold it against you forever. She must get over it and you guys must live as a family.

Reading some previous things he has posted I have an idea it was infidelity...
 
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